Pepto Bismol.
I’m afraid of the diarrhea lady, and I don’t know why.
Just remebered one that, whilst it doesnt piss me off, scares me.
I don’t know if it is still running, but at one time Senokot (some natural laxative thing) had an advert with some woman running around to go somewhere, and she made the most rediculous comment ever:
“Sometimes i want a predictable solution.”
WHAT THE FUCK?!? Only sometimes? Now I don’t know about you, but were I to be suffering from constipation I would always want the solution to be predictable, I mean, an unpredictable solution to constipation doesn’t bear thinking about. What is she saying, sometimes she likes to be taken by surprise by it? :eek:
I’ve blocked the brand name of the product because the ad is so creepy; however, it features this mouth breather guy panting “girthy” (lascivious exhale) “girthy” then showing a wiener in his gaping maw.
showing = shoving
Paging Dr. Freud.
It seems Time Warner cable plays the same commercials throughout upstate NY, and holy shit, are they stupid.
The TW RoadRunner broadband service ones are the worst: scenarios where happy customers recount how broadband internet through Time Warner has made their lives so much better.
The balding, pudgy middle-aged guy with a hot brunette dancing in the background to his downloaded music selection, courtesy of his cable modem. Yep, you can really woo the ladies with MP3s, fella.
Or, my eye-rolling favorite: young bride to be in her wedding gown, miserable because…pan the camera down…she’s wearing Chuck Taylors! Never fear, princess! (She even stamps her foot and pouts like a five year old, I kid you not.) Your mom has RoadRunner, so she’ll…order your wedding shoes online! :smack:
Then it cuts to the petulant bride, now grinning ear to ear, still in her wedding dress and high tops, running to the door to get a package from the mailman. Her shoes, prehaps? But how did they get here so fast? Could it be…the blindingly-fast power of her broadband internet connection??? And who the holy hell orders shoes online, anyway?
I am so glad that we can’t get cable where we live now, and I only have to put up with the mildly less annoying Dish Network commercials.
Not sure why I feel compelled to confess this to a bunch of strangers, but the first thing I thought when I saw diarrhea lady was “Whoa, she can really shake that thing. She’s HOT.”
But of course! I mean, if you’d spent your entire life with such an arrogant-sounding surname, wouldn’t you believe yourself entitled to such regal treatment too? On a more serious note, wasn’t Michael Winner the guy who directed most of the ‘Death Wish’ movies (something else, I suppose, we can all be eternally grateful to him for)?
The following aren’t ads for companies, but they’re all suitably vile IMHO to warrant a mention on this thread.
A couple of years back, I spent a few weeks in the States (mainly Texas) on a holiday and saw some real doozies of commercials on American TV (what made it even worse was that a lot of them have now appeared on Australian TV as well eg that ghastly Blockbuster Video ad featuring the hamster/guinea pig/whatever “shaking his booty”). The first set of ads that really stuck in my mind were a bunch showing old ladies, little girls etc being showered with shredded rubbish: a bizarre act that was followed by the punchline, “If Texas was your grandmother, daughter etc, would you still litter? Don’t mess with Texas.” Unfortunately, given the amount of litter that I beheld strewn about that state during my time there, it seems that a lot of Texans can’t make the necessary leap of imagination which that ad demanded!
Another ghastly bunch of ads I saw were anti-drug ones. One of these showed some sinister terrorist packing all the gear he was going to use for his next nefarious act of mass destruction, and asked where people like him got the money for their box cutters, C4, Sarin, exploding Barbie dolls, thermonuclear devices cunningly disguised as teapots etc. Answer: drugs, apparently. (I got the impression from an episode of ‘South Park’ that there was something of a controversy raging in America for a time over a piece of (apparently mendacious) government propaganda which claimed that people who smoked marijuana were essentially putting money in envelopes and mailing it straight to Osama bin Laden.) Another ad of this type showed a bunch of fresh-faced, innocent-looking teenagers listing a whole litany of atrocities they’d apparently committed (eg “I shot someone”, “I kidnapped a judge”, “I set off a car bomb in a crowded city street”, “I stuffed some poor Third World peasant with so many condoms full of cocaine that her bowels exploded”, “I chainsawed the heads off a class full of preschool children after forcing them all to give me oral sex”, “I made snuff movies for Satanists” etc), and claiming that, as these kids were using drugs sold by unscrupulous cartels, they bore some of the blame for the crimes they’d just mentioned.
Here in Australia, we’ve had our own taste of anti-drug propaganda on TV after Our Beloved Leader (and how many of you American Dopers even know who he is, non-descript little nobody that he is (our “Man of Steel” (yeah right))?) decided that we needed to follow your example of the War on Drugs and all that, and have our own “Tough on Drugs” campaign (bletch!). IIRC our versions of the above ads (which were accompanied by glossy brochures mailed to every Australian household) either showed drug users in various states of appalling degradation (of course), or had concerned-looking teenagers saying to their parents (after they’d all viewed the first type of ad), “Wow, drugs sure are scary! Let’s all sit down and have a nice responsible discussion about how EVIL drugs are (and how hanging with razor wire’s too good for anyone who even thinks about using them): using as our source of information on this subject this handy booklet that Our Illustrious Leader (He Who Makes The Sun Rise Every Day, He To Whom A Million Hymns Of Heartfelt Praise Cannot Even Begin To Express Our Boundless Gratitude) has, in his infinite concern for us - his lowly subjects - deigned to send us!” Of course, most teenagers’ reactions to these ads were probably more along the lines of, “Hey, that girl’s getting butt-fucked by a pack of drooling, dirty old men with genital warts! That kid’s beating up his grandmother for crack money! That guy’s shooting talcum powder into his scrotal pouch because it’s the only place he’s still got any veins that haven’t collapsed! This is even funnier than that acid trip I had last weekend! Ha ha ha! I’ve gotta go out and score!”
The latest bits of crappy propaganda we’re getting over here (on TV and, as I discovered yesterday to my great displeasure, at the movies) are a bunch of ads about the evils of domestic violence, with wicked, scumbag “abusers” (all men, of course) saying things like, “Um, my girlfriend and I had an argument last night and I raised my voice at her” (That’s abuse!); “I told the missus that she had to cut down on her use of my credit cards; we’re already $5000 in debt, and I think I’ve seen some big, scary-looking men with baseball bats about the place checking out my kneecaps” (That’s financial abuse! I bet you also keep her locked in a box and piss on her through a hole in the top, you bastard!); “I slapped my girlfriend after she made some really insulting comment about my dead grandmother, and said she’d like to take a dump on her grave. Of course, she always slaps me whenever I say anything she doesn’t like!” (Stop trying to make excuses for your behaviour, you pathetic waste of life! The lowest circle of Hell’s too good for subhuman filth like you!) These delightful ads then end with the message “Violence Against Women: Australia Says No!” which pleases me no end, being a man and all. It’s so nice to know that, if I get the shit beaten out of me, Australia probaby won’t give a shit (it certainly didn’t seem to when a brother of mine got beaten up by some piece of human garbage after a movie simply because he asked the fuckwit in question to stop talking during the feature).
I’m a little surprised that no one has mentioned Craftmatic Adjustable Beds yet.
“I can’t eat in a regular flat bed – I spill stuff!” Dude, if you can’t eat without shoving a fistful of popcorn into your fucking forehead, then maybe your bed is not your biggest problem!
CanvasShoes beat me to my big irritant at the moment: Mr. Wendy’s. Pleaase go away, go far far away.
Do you mean the Peter DeLouise (at least I think it’s him) ads for Beneful? Where he grabs his poor dog’s muzzle and makes it look like the dog is smiling?
I keep wanting the dog to go bonkers and bite the crap out of him. 
That guy in their ads is Ron Trzcinski. He’s been in the mattress business forever. He was president of Sealy Mattess at the age of 35 or somesuch. He’s married to a lovely lady named Pat. They have six children together. He’s also one of the biggest philanthropists in the greater Cleveland (where the company HQ is) area. Guesstimates put his annual charitable contributions around 25% of his income. He’s a good guy.
Burger King.
The ad in which the big guy eats the little guy’s hamburger while coworkers look on in amusement. This is the worst ad I’ve ever seen. What’s the message? Ass holes like Burger King?
Every time I see a Burger King now I just think of that ad. Total turn off.
That damn Pepto commercial! But I do have to laugh a little, I just keep thinking of the poor actors who will be using that on there resume for their next acting job.
“As you can see, I was trying to show how badly I had the runs, and how good Pepto made me feel. Now, Mr. Spielburg(sp), do I have the job?”
Is DISH still using those damned barking pigs?
Thanks to Something Awful, I can no longer see the Pepto-Bismol ad without thinking of the phrase “foaming jet of liquid feces.” For some reason this is hilarious.
I’ve not eaten at BK in years due to the awful things their food does to my stomach, but that black-haired chick in those ads? I’d marry her in a second. I like 'em.
Ball Park Franks. I love that commercial.
Girrrrrrthy. 
Dammit, graceland. Your typo made me laugh SO FUCKING HARD that I woke my fiancee up. He thought I was crying. Well, I was, but it’s because I was about to shit myself because I was laughing so hard.
I wish I didn’t picture everything that people write.
Hemi ads.
- 'nuff said.
Runner up:
Every.
Budweiser.
Commercial.
There’s an ad (might just be local) for a grocery store called Hy-Vee. There’s this goofy dad trying to feed his little boy some green beans. However, instead of nice, fresh green beans, he keeps trying to feed the poor kid some nasty limp khaki colored canned green beans. The little boy keeps spitting out the beans, no matter what his dad does. The dad’s doing the “airplane spoon” thing, he tries sticking a bean on his eye and growling, “I’m a bean pirate,” etc. Not to be defeated, he opens several different cans of green beans, Del Monte, Green Giant, whatever. The kid doesn’t eat any of them. Then it shows the Hy-Vee “food technicians” or whoever they are in a setting that looks like a cross between a kitchen and a laboratory. They’ve got all the different brands of green beans and are making the Hy-Vee brand green beans to the same standard as the rest of the national brands. Back to the dad and son. The dad opens the Hy-Vee green beans…puts on in the little kid’s mouth… and then slumps his head in defeat when Junior spits that out, too.
What’s the message here? “Our canned vegetables are exactly as gross as everyone else’s!”
Hy-Vee also does these stupid ads with a Wal-Mart smiley face like character, a big red downpointing arrow, going around and lowering prices. And then they have the ads with everyone in the store all happy and smiling while an overly sincere jingle plays in the background:
“Show Hy-Vee, where there’s a helpful smile, in every aisle!”
They have one store located on State Line road, on the Kansas side. In Kansas, you can’t sell alcohol on Sundays, so they opened a liquor department across the street, in Missouri.
I don’t particularly like Hy-Vee.
The Quiznos … um, creatures (Mr. Potato Gerbils?)… make me wonder what’s in their sandwiches.
I’m also sick of Old Navy. Yes, Morgan, we realize you’re really hot considering you’re old and we’re very proud that the hot young men in your commercials all wanna nail you. Now go away.
I also wanna slap the “Jag-u-ahh” announcer. I saw a Jaguar the other day and I don’t understand what’s so great about them. They’re ugly!
Maybe we could run over the CortiSlim guy with a Jag-u-ahh?
**“The client broke his ass right off, and wants fair compensation.”
“Tell him to blow. We’re evil, and not paying a cent.”
“He got a lawyer.”
“Lawyer, schmawyer. We’re not paying. What loser did he get, anyway.”
“Dane M. Schyster.”
(Evil exec literally shits his pants) “We’d better settle!”
This is followed up by that guy from the Man From UNCLE telling you to tell them that You. Mean. Business.**
This made me cry from laughing so hard. I think it’s the “broke his ass right off” part that does it for me.