(Humor is for some reason a human way to deal with fear)
Comparing Iraq to the NFL team Cincinnati Bengals
1:24 AM
So I’m sitting here, it’s the eve of Gulf War II - “The Sequel”. I’ve watched CNN & MSNBC all evening.
It all started with the MSNBC countdown, excellent marketing ploy to get people to watch. I fell for it. And as I was watching, I started thinking that this feels more like a countdown to a sports event than to a war. Super(War)Bowl II - US vs. Iraq. Of course, without knowing exactly when the kickoff would occur. Kind of odd. Who would pay to see a game you didn’t know when it started? Obviously a lot of people, considering the commercials that were airing tonight. People on the screen were talking about the yards, weather conditions, using air attacks and taking out Iraq’s defense first. I started comparing the Special Forces to Special Teams in football before the countdown was over. As I thought about it more more and gathered some input from friends, there are a few very interesting similarities.
Cincinnati Bengals and Iraq comparison
-Last time Cincinnati Bengals had an offense that won them games was in the early 90’s. Last time Iraq made an offensive move, was in the early 90’s.
-The Bengals has tried to rebuild their team for the past 11 years. Iraq has tried to rebuild their team for the past 11 years. Neither one of them succeeded.
-The Bengals have a web site where their fans voice their opinion about removing the current regime (http://www.mikebrownsucks.com/). Iraq has a web site where their supporters can voice their opinion about removing the current regime (http://www.nytimes.com). Note, http://www.saddamsucks.com looks like it’s still under construction. Oh well.
-It costs a lot of money to feed an NFL team. It costs a lot of money to feed all the high-ranked military officials in Iraq. Doesn’t Saddam look like he gained some weight since the last war? Dude, start working out. You may need it to run for cover.
-We’ve been watching the previews and stories about this for weeks (months? years?) and over the last two days we’ve even had the benefit of a countdown clock!
Other peculiar things
-There’s a draft. Well, the NFL draft gives you millions of dollars, the military draft would only get you food and clothing and a lot of sand in your boots. (hey, it’s my list)
-The Bengals wear uniforms…so does Saddam & gang. No mustasches for the Bengals though. (I hope).
-Will the Pets.com puppet make a reappearance? The Iraqis may need mail order dog food to survive.
-Major difference between this “game” and the SuperBowl: We decided to fire the refs so they wouldn’t get in the way of the game.
Maybe this is the year of the Bengals? Nah. They’ll get crushed in the first quarter.
Magnus
ps. Apologies to all(?) you Bengals fans out there. Go Cowboys!