Okay, I knew it was a women’s college when I applied. I’m not saying that I mind that all my hallmates, and in fact all my classmates, are nubile beauties from around the world. And I’m not against giggling, topless pillow fights, skinny dipping in the school pool, naked cheerleading, or red hot girl-on-girl action per se. But please ladies, I’m trying to study! I’m on scholarship here!
Don’t even get me started on those security guards…and dining hall boys…and professors that “grade on a curve”…
I know that these days judges can be young and female. But when they know I’m going to be trying to concentrate on my submissions, couldn’t they at least wear panties?
What really gets me is how often I’m the one pegged by the boss to take his totally hot, bitchy daughter somewhere. They always start off snobby and thinking they are way better than me. We end up in some preposterious situations and pretty soon they find out I’ve been misunderstood/mistaken for someone else and that I’m really a great guy. Then, well, we have to have sex right there in the car and she is magically transformed into some great girl. Can’t a guy just drive anymore?
What I can’t understand is, whenever I come in to the office to fix a computer, some woman wants to check to see if I have a hard drive…then after, I find out nothing was broken in the first place! Why even call me?
What really gets to me is that everytime I happen to be driving down a deserted highway a big, burly state trooper will appear out of nowhere to stop me for speeding. Of course, since no one else ever drives down this road, he doesn’t get to stop cars often, so he feels the need to have me strip naked and do a full body search. Funny how he always also gets naked, too. Anyway it always ends up with me spread eagle on the hood of his partol car while he performs an anal probe with his penis. <sigh> And people wonder why I’m always late.
What always bugs me is that when I’m trying to get jiggy with my girl, ifyaknowwhatImean, the lights always get really bright. I mean, I’m as adventurous as the next very-well-endowed, shaved-down-there guy, but what ever happened to just having sex in the dark? And that ridiculous strobe type light, almost like a flash going off all the time. What’s up with that?
And why are all the chicks hot looking, and the guys totally nasty?
Do you folks have any idea of the logistical problems involved in setting up a wading pool full of chocolate pudding in a second-floor apartment? And before you even attempt it, word to the wise, that damage deposit is gone.
whew. I’m back. I had a rough night. I went to this dance club with some friends, and, well, you know, it was dark…so we found this guy and decided to give him a blow job on the dance floor…again…WHO DOESN’T do these things. Anyway, we all stripped down naked and had a wicked threesome.
My complaint? The fucking smoke machines irritate my completely shaved genitals.
Why is it that, whenever I ask some apple-cheeked hottie “Do you like sucking my cock?” all she can say is “Mmmmmm-hmmmm!” Use the language, honey, jeez.
I’m also a bit pissed about the voyeur in the room. When I’m plugging away at the coochie, the guy with the camera just needs to stop zooming in on the back of my crusty nut-sack. It’s damned uncomfortable to hear that clicking and whirring an inch away from my butthole. He ought to film the woman’s face or something.
Don’t get me started on these spastic lesbians with all their oil and rubber gloves and candle wax. Calm down, ladies! I’ll be along in just a minute! Stop having so much fun without me!
You know, just yesterday I was trying to take a dump, blow some mud, drop the Cosby’s off at the pool, make with the brown turtle…anyway, so I’m sitting there and I hear this chick in the next stall start talking to me.
I mean, sure, I stood right up and stuck my hard throbbing cock through the hole in the wall, and yeah, she started stroking it and kissing it, and of course she sucked me off for a while then teased a bit more before backing her firm, wet snatch onto me and fucking and sucking until I came all over her full red lips, but dammit, I still had to take a poo and now I had a hard on.
Do you have any idea how difficult it is to crap with a stiffy?
So I’m at the gym this morning. Of course everybody knows that you and your workout buddy get all hot and sweaty pumping iron and that afterwards in the locker room you both start checking each other’s body out. Ya’ know, feeling up the biceps, pecs, tugging on each others sweaty crotches through the jockstraps, the usual stuff. What pisses me is, it never fails that three or four other guys come up and think it’s ok to join in. Before ya know it, there’s hands all over your butt and your jockstrap gets ripped off and then everybody’s in the shower getting bjs or gettin it up the butt. And all I wanted to do was make sure my buddy was ok after our workout.
It doesn’t bother me that I have to take the subway to work. It doesn’t bother me that that cute girl from across the street rides the same train. I kind of like the fact that were are the only two people in our car, and she’s giving me that lets-get-nekkid look. I enjoy the blow job, she enjoys the tongue.
I just want to know, why God, why does she break into that terrible slow motion action just when I’m getting to release?
But I do think it’s kind of funny that some one is going to sit in that later.
I enjoy a good concert as much as the next guy. But it’s always the same old thing; the show’s over and I’m thinking about the drive home, but some roadie is telling me that Britney Spears or Gwen Stefani or Jewel or Sheryl Crow noticed me in the crowd and would like to meet me back in her dressing room. I figure these ladies probably want to unwind after a show by having a little conversation with one of their fans but for some reason they’re always changing out of their stage outfits or taking a shower when I get to their room. The next thing you know, it’s several hours of hot sweaty sex and I’m late for work again the next morning.
You know what I hate? When you go to the grocery store, and the two 18-year-old girls that are sacking groceries insist that they have to help you out to your car with your groceries. And then when you get there, they drag you into the car, take turns giving you a blowjob, and then screwing your brains out for the next two hours. I mean, yeah, the sex was great…but what about all my frozen food? I think maybe it was just a scheme on their part to get more business for the store. Pretty sneaky and underhanded if you ask me…
Very single time the ship sinsk I end up on the island with nobody else except a half dozen nubile women. Jeez, It’d be nice to have someone to talk sports with or toss the football around with. But noooooooo…with these nymphs its all sex sex sex!
I hate it when you’re gangbanging some girl for the world’s record and you can tell that as far as she’s concerned you’re nothing but a number (in my case 439). I try to get a little conversation going during my turn - Read any good books lately? What do you think of Bush’s policy on Israel? Are your fluffers unionized or independant contractors? - but all she seems interested in is a physical relationship. Where’s the romance?
Does anybody know where you can find a competent maid? And by competent I mean one who doesn’t clean the house in a low cut, high-hemmed french maids outfit with stilletto heels and who doesn’t insist on accidently coming into the bathroom when I am showering or into my bedroom when I am dressing and then meekly apoologizing only to end up commenting on my package and then we end up performing various acts of sexual freakery.
I’m getting really tired of the Candy Strippers that work at our hospital. first of all, it’s 2002 ladies, no nurse wears heels to work anymore, let alone FMP’s. And what’s with the all white outfits and the stupid little hats? Plus at least 4 times a day you are asking me to “take your temperature.” Now, that would be fine, but that ain’t a thermometer you are holding and while you do put it in your mouth, that isn’t the place where it ends up.
And don’t even get me started on what happens in the X-ray room.:rolleyes: