Compleat List of Fexual Acts

The BBQ Pit
1

Due to the explicit sexual content of this thread, This Mundane pointless (other than to make folks chuckle) thread is here in the Pit. If you think it needs to be moved, then be my guest.

It was Mr. Cynical’s idea, and I am acting upon it.
Inspired by this thread (thanks, Flyp), I have decided to start a

Compleat List of Obscure Fexual Acts

We’ll start with those everyone knows, then those posted by Alphagene in the above thread, and then open the list to be added to by the TM.
Oldy Moldys
**1. Felch - ** The original, we all know what this means. If you don’t, it’s the act of anal-sex post-coital rectal semen extraction via a straw or some other such suction apparatus. Or something like that.

**2. Squick - ** I actually don’t know what this means. Little help here?

**3. Munging - ** Is sort of like necrophilia combined with cannibalism. I won’t get any more graphic than that.
courtesy of Alphagene
**4. floink - ** To spank your partner with a severed monkey hand.

**5. glaphang - ** To have sex with a gourd while watching Banacek.

**6. jerp - ** To shove a pencil up your partner’s ass and then write a letter to your grandma with it.

**7. blang - ** To tie your penis to a post while your partner uses it as a slingshot to shoot peanut shells at lesbians.

New Obscure Fexual Acts

**8. scully - ** To screw your neighbor’s wife while he watches X-files.

**9. sluck - ** To write one’s name in semen, using a penis as a stylo.

**10. gump - ** To shoot ping-pong balls out of your vagina at a poster of Mao Tse-tung.

**11. sburp - ** To burp up some semen

**12. swurp - ** To re-swallow semen that has been sburped.

**13. Yodel in the Gulley - ** To perform cunnilingus on an extremely obese woman.

**14. Yodel in the Valley - ** To perform cunnilingus on an extremely obese farm animal.

**15. zizzle - ** To hook electrodes up to your nose and tongue rings and give head.

**16. vervel - ** To give a rim job with pop-rocks in your mouth.

**17. ballanimal - ** To inflate the scrotum and twist ‘n’ tie it into the shape of a dachshund.

**18. fish for brown trout - ** To attach some anal beads to your french tickler and engage in anal sex.

**19. dubber - ** To knight your partner with a huge rubber dick.

**20. munson - ** throw up violently after sex, specifically when done to avoid paying rent.

2

Oh shit, some of that stuff I did had real names? :smiley:

3

Nothing I can say that would match up to that, but…

On the topic of ** squick: ** Ok, everybody knows that your head has a number of orifices in it, one of which is particularly usefull for sex. Squicking involve the loss of an eyeball and the gain of a sexual orifice…

To quote * Full Metal Jacket, * “I will gouge out your eye and skullfuck you”.

4

Myrr21: As said in your FMJ quote, what you described is skull fucking. To squick is to drill a hole in the skull above the eye sockets between the two lobes of the skull and fuck the hole which you created. The name comes from the sound that this act supposedly makes.

Lexi, I read Mr. C’s post in the thread you mentioned but, GaWd help me, I didn’t think anyone would actually do it. Good job!

5

I stand corrected, although I know that those are sometimes used as synonyms…incorrectly, I guess.

::flogging self in remorse::

6

Oh shit, some of those people I did had real names?

7
  1. tortellate - to rape somebody down to bedrock using a lawyer and a judge, you should pardon my language.
8

speakeasy, from now on use the terms “l*r" and "je”, and you’ll be okay. Even in the Pit, we have minimum standards.

9

Glory Hole Whack-A-Mole: Self explanatory.

10

LOL!

11

Squicking song:

Now, those Arabs used to say for pleasure a boy,
for ecstasy a melon,
but for pure mind-numbing joy you
can’t go past the cerebellum,
Cerebullum, Cerebullum, yeah,
Just slide your choad between those cerebellum
and you’ll be in seventh heaven.
All you neeeeed is an electric drill,
with a big wide bit,and a high-torque kit

12

Spunk Snorking: To use semen as a decongestant.

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24: Spong:

  1. The sound made by semen when it hits a gong or other sounding device upon being expelled by the penis or mouth.

  2. To make such a sound (see 1).

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25: Queelingink:

To suck vaginal discharge out of said orifice’s owner with a Krazy Straw and use said discharge as marinade for human organs which are to be roasted and served to the Queen.

15
  1. Ulsulate- The act of breaking all your limbs and wiggling around like a worm in a big pile of shit.
16

Wasn’t this a subplot of Titus Andronicus?

17

  1. Queequegmory: fucking a tattooed cannibal while screaming “Call me Ishmael!”

  2. Ahabbing: sticking a harpoon into the biggest white dick you can find.

  3. gregorypecking the moby: ahabbing while muttering “For hate’s sake, I spit my last breath at thee.” (also known as ricardomontalbanning the shatner)

  4. shatnering: speaking while about to come (“I … can’t … hold it back any-more!”)

18

31: xenophonolating: Yanking your penis out of joint while attempting to masturbate while reading that last post.

Jesus, I think I really hurt myself this time.

19

God damn you, xeno… I just snorked tea all over my new monitor.

::goes to get Windex, muttering darkly all the while::

20

32: imacintitus: An injury resulting from attempting to make carnal love to an imac.