You obviously haven’t realized with whom you’re dealing here, sport. The words “Polite” and “BBQ Pit” are discongruous. Please repost, with definitions.
Reminds me of a cartoon I saw of a horse getting suckled by a youngun. Caption read: “Hey kid, I’m not your mom, I’m your uncle, but don’t let that stop you…”
OVEN STUFFER ROASTER 1. n. Type of chicken that is usually seasoned and
baked for an extended period. 2. n. The unusual method of inserting
your finger in the ass of your partner while screwing her, and feeling
her cervix. This procedure is more effective from behind (see NEW JERSEY
MEATHOOK).
HIGH DIVE: /hi-div/ 1. n. Act of jumping out of a plane and free
falling toward earth at nearly 200 mph. 2. The skill of pulling your
johnson all the way out of your partners hole, and in one motion,
swiftly jamming it home again. Best used in Corn Hole technique, but
dangerous.
SHOP-VAC: /shop vak/ 1. n. An industrial vacuum cleaner able to pick
up large quantities of material and liquids. 2. Sexual equivalent.
The act of making a girl inhale your hog from behind while you’re
“pulling the V” (see FRUIT BASKET, SILENCE OF THE LAMBS).
TEA-BAG: /tee bagg/ 1.n. A sack like structure containing flavored
leaves that is attached to a string and dangled in water to give it
flavor. 2.n. A sack like structure containg my fat balls that is
attached to my massive unit and is stuffed into the mouths of young
girls to make them make a “wamuphm” like noise. 3.v tea-bag(ing) the act
of stuffing them with the sack filled with my fat balls.
ARABIAN GOGGLES /a-RA-be-an GAU-gals/ 1.n. Eyeglasses originating from
the Middle Eastern region of the world; specially designed with hooded
sides to protect the desert camel driver in extreme sand and wind storms
common to the area. 2. n. A seldom-seen maneuver involving the
testicles where the satchel is spread wide and placed on the face of the
“ride”, thus resting the balls in said gogglee’s eye sockets.
SAMOAN PILE DRIVER: /suh-MOan Pyl-dryver/ 1. n. A virility dance
practiced throughout Samoan tribes in the Ganges River Basin. 2.n. A
large crane-like machine used to extract diamonds from the Samoan
Diamond Mines of Carnutspa. 3. n. A sexual position that occurs when the
woman’s back and the bed are perpendicular but she is upside down (See
also FLOAT VALVE). The practitioner of the Pile Driver stands above the
woman and points his shit due south, simply bending his knees for
repeated bludgeoning. This process is repeated while screaming,
“Abdaay…goony,goony,goony…ABDAY. ABDAY. ABDAY. HA!” Repeat and
rinse.
CLEVELAND STEAMER: /KLEEV-lund STEE-mrhh/ 1. n. A water-based merchant
cargo vessel originating from a large Ohioan city near Lake Erie.
2.n.(slang) The act of leaving a shit stain on the rib cage of a woman
while receiving penal (that is, penis) pleasure from friction between
the mammaries. (see HAWAIIN MUSCLE FUCK and PASADENA MUDSLIDE)
HOT KARL: n. 1. A german man who just happens to be warm at the moment.
n. 2. The act in which a woman sucks the cock of the man who was just
balls deep in her can. (see also CORN HOLE)
HOT KARL CANDY CANE: n. 1. A variation of the aforementioned in which
the man who is receiving oral cock cleaning gives the woman a reach
around.(See also SHOCKER)
WALKING ABRAHAM: 1. N. God’s right-hand dude’s exercise tape. 2. n. The
process of executing the doggy-style position and then, at the most
opportune moment, standing up and starting to walk around the room with
the woman’s legs tucked tightly under your arms. This gives the woman
the option of trying to get away with only her arms to propel her. This
move is the basis from which we derive the “The Jogging Slappy Abe”.
DIRTY SANCHEZ: /dur-TEE SAN-chez/ 1. n. a filthy hair-lipped mexican
peasant. 2. n. The act of fingering a chick’s cornhole, and wiping the
remaining detritus on her upper lip while screwing her from behind, thus
leaving a trail of shite moustached across her visage.
TOPEKA DESTROYER: / TOE-pek-a d’stroi-yrr/ 1. n. An ironclad American
warship fabricated in the poorly placed shipyards of Central Kansas. 2.
n. The act of vomiting directly onto your partner’s head while recieving
fellatio. (See COLD LUNCH)
THE DONKEY KICK: 1.The Donkey Kick’s origins can be traced back to King
Swigaduj in Nepal around 1324 AD. The Donkey Kick consists of three
different facets. Upon beginning the doggy-style position, the artist
makes sure that the Kickee’s head is coming very close to the solid oak
headboard that is necessary for completion of the move. After
establishing himself in this way, the artist begins to screw the
Kickee’s head into the headboard, causing the Kickee’s head and neck to
start resembling a wet sack of ball bearings. At almost the last
second, pull out and ram ass. As the thought of this starts to sink in,
and as hard as you can, punch the Kickee at the base of neck/spinal cord
and proceed into the headboard. This will cause the Kickee to tense up
around your member and finish by either delivering the juice up the
chute, or See also Hot Karl Candy Cane.
CAJUN HOT STICK: /cage-in hot sti-ck/ 1. n. A spicy meat stick. 2. n.
The act in which the cock is taken out of her pooper (see also CAJUN
LOG) and slathered in the pool of dip spit in the small of her back and
then re-inserted.
RIM: /RIM/ 1. n. the outer often curved or circular edge of something.
2. the outer often wrinkled and dark brown edge of the shit shoot. 3.
v. (ing) the art of exploring this prune-like orifice with your tongue.
(see also “ANAL TONGUE DARTS”)
GREEK: /gr-ek/ 1. n. A man or woman that was born in Greece. 2. v. The
act of using your glue stick (if you know what I’m saying) and gluing
your said partner’s eyes closed. i.e. "Hey guys, check it out, “I
greeked her” or "I’m sorry honey, but you asked for the “greek salad”.
DUTCH OVEN: /duh-shovin/ 1. n. a cast-iron kettle with a tight cover
that is used for baking in an open fire. 2. n. entrapping an
unsuspecting sleeping partner in a world of ass-odor by farting under
the covers and pulling them up over her head (and yours as well if your
into it.)
DUTCH TREAT: /dush-treet/ 1. n. a meal or other entertainment for which
each person pays his own way. 2. n. the unexpected result of a dutch
oven gone bad. (see also “GAMBLING and LOSING”)
BEEF CURTAIN: /BEEF kurtun/ 1. n. A temperature barrier to protect a
meat locker from harmful heat and bacteria. 2. The skanked-out remains
of the labia after being stretched like play-doh from an hour of
jammy-jam (see also BEEF DRAPES and MEAT TARP).
THOR: /THORR/ 1. n. The Norse God of War. 2. n. Fucking a chick while
repeatedly bashing her in the side of the head with a big mallet.
THE MOOSE: 1. n. An elk-like animal found mostly in the north woods of
Wisconsin and areas of Canada. 2. n. The sign given to a kickee when in
doggie style. It is performed by placing both hands over your head with
palms facing out and waving your fingers wildly.
THE NIXON: 1. n. An American President who was forced to resign in 1973
amidst allegations of campaign fraud. 2. n. A variation of THE MOOSE
in which you give two peace signs as your indication of dominance.
(Optional: You may yell “I’m not a crook” This is considered a very
bold rendition and is very rarely done.)
TROTTING EZEKIAL: /trot’-ing e-ZEK-yul/ 1. n. a jogging biblical
character. 2. n. The act of donning a pair of cleats, and ramming a
girl’s back into the wall while fucking in the standing, missionary
position, a la football blocking drills. (see FRITZ SHMURR)
CHRISTMAS TURKEY CARVER: 1. n. A large, straight knife used to slice a
cooked bird before consumption. 2. n. The person doing the carving. 3.
n. The act of sitting carefully behind your prone partner, inserting
three fingers in her vagina, one in her ass, and voracioulsy puming your
digits in and out, maintiaing a perfect L-bend at the elbow, and using
only your rotator cuff as a power pivot. (see also SHOCKER and MACHINE
GUN KELLEY). 4. n. The person doing the carving. (see RON JEREMY)
GLAZED DONUT: /glaz-d DO-nut/ 1.n. a sugar coated baked pastry
characterized by its round shape and puckered hole in the middle. 2. n.
The act of taking a girl in the ass, pulling out, and spoo-ing all over
her pastry buns, thus transforming her rump into the illusion of an
oversized, quivering glazed donut.
HOT LUNCH: 1.n. Any of a myriad of well-balanced and pre-prepared meals,
delivered warm to the children at lunch time in the school cafeteria. 2.
n. The result of defecating directly into your partner’s mouth.
VEGETARIAN HOT LUNCH: 1. n. A variation of the above for students who
are inclined not to eat animal products. 2. n. A variation upon the
aforementioned meal in which the diner stretches a piece of saran wrap
over her mouth such that chewing (for texture) is possible, but no
actual contact with animal product ocurrs. (see DENTAL DAM)
ALBATROSS: /al-ba-tros/ 1. n. A large marine bird primarily found
swampy, marshy regions of North America; notable for its wide wingspan.
2. n. The act of, while performing sex from behind the female, raising
the arms upward and outward to full extension, lifting one’s head to the
sky, and then concurrently with ejaculation spanking the lower member of
the party with both hands simultaneously and repeatedly.
CLAUDE DE SADE: /clod-de-sod/ 1. n. The bastard son of the French
literary figure, the Marquis de Sade. 2. n. The vigorous pounding of
another person’s armpit(s) using the erect penile member until friction
causes the free flow of blood; shaving in the recent era has caused a
marked decrease in this practice and a reversal in the bleeding party.
SCABBY D: /skab-E DE/ 1.n. a rapper from Des Moines with a bizarre
speech impediment. 2. n. The unfortunate occurrence for a male due to
a practice of dry fucking in blue jeans sans undergarments. One of the
most feared of all sexual accidents.
BISMARCK: /biz-MARK/ 1.n. The handsome capital of North Dakota. 2.n. The
act of, just before ejaculation from fellatio, punching your partner in
the nose to induce bleeding, shooting your money shot onto her reddened
upper lip, and mixing the two fluids by employing a circular wiping
motion with the open palm. It is often reffered to by sign language (a
quick air-jab, followed by a counterclockwise open palm ‘wax-the-car’
motion).
NEW JERSEY MEATHOOK: /nu jer-ZE mEt-huk/ 1.n. Any of a breed of rusty,
sharp east-coast ceiling hooks used to hang beef sides in a meat locker.
2.n. The act of inserting your finger into the ass of your parter, and
while screwing her from behind, using only your arm muscles to control
the consummation rhythm and process. This method requires excellent
restraint and posture; hunchbacking or bending at the waist is never
permitted. (see OVEN STUFFER ROASTER)
KENNEBUNKPORT SURPRISE: /ke-ne-bunk-port SU-pris/ 1.n. An unepected gift
from the Atlantic coast of Maine. 2.n. The act of covertly filling your
cheeks with chunky-style New England Clam Chowder and screaming in
disgust as you release it between your partner’s legs while chowing box.
PAYING THE RENT: 1.n. A regularly scheduled exchange of equity for the
right to reside on another’s piece of real property. 2.n. A sexual
position in which the woman is folded in half, knees above shoulders,
with the man holding the back of her calves and banging ferociously.
MANROE TRANSFER: /MAN-ro trans-fur/ 1.n. Any sort of exchange made in a
quaint Connecticut town. 2. n. Any purchase of drugs at a McDonalds
drive-thru window in said quaint Connecticut town. 3.n. The act when the
woman’s back and the bed are perpendicular but she is upside down (see
SAMOAN PILE DRIVER), back-to-back with the right-side-up standing man.
Through careful anal-orafice matching techniques, the man craps directly
into the woman’s upside-down pooper.
PASADENA MUDSLIDE: /pa-sa-dE-na MUD-slid/ 1.n. A massive erosion event
caused by the combination of steep slopes and torrential rain in the San
Fernando Valley of Southern California. 2.n. The act of leaving a windy
shit between the breasts of a woman while you straddle her neck for a
blow job. A close cousin to the CLEVELAND STEAMER.
DAVEY CROCKETT: /da-VE krok-et/ 1. pn. American folk hero of note,
known as the king of the wild frontier, and recognized by his racoon
skin cap. Reknowned for killing a bear when he was only three. 2. n. A
sexual maneuver in which you slip a muscle relaxer into your partner’s
snizzpod, and slide your head in, thus wearing your partner’s
now-relaxed snatch-fur as a coonskin cap.
TRAPPED COYOTE /trapt KI-O-TE/ 1.n. A wild, feral relative of the dog
often caught in a spring-loaded, snapping claw trap with the appearance
of a shark’s jaw; in most instances, the wily coyote will chew off its
own paw en route to freedom. 2.n. The unwieldy experience of awakening
to a terrible hangover and memory loss with an arm trapped under a
member of the opposite sex who seems to match the aformentioned filthy
creature in ugliness. Rather than awaken her, it is common for the
trapped male to gnaw off the trapped arm on either side of the elbow.
(See also CHARLESTON CHEW)
DOUBLE WISHBONE /dub-el wish-BON/ 1.n. An advanced shock-absorbency
suspension system design found in most modern automobiles. 2.n. The play
in which, while in seated 69 position, the man inserts both index
fingers into the vagina and both middle fingers into the anus followed
by aggressively pulling outwards with both arms. Spitting in anus, while
optional, is encouraged for future maneuvers.
also the Snowplow or Wheelbarrow involves standing and rear entry then pushing your partner around the room. The wheelbarrow has the partner using their hands while the snowplow being pushed around on ones face and torso.
The Custodian involves a variation of the Snowplow where one takes the opportunity to mop the kitchen floor with your partner’s hair while having sex. Killing two birds with one stone ya know.
Out-freaking-standing! Welcome to the board, IVAR!
Oh my. Guess I need to change the wording in my sig.
No…wait. It didn’t LOOK rubber…
ducks and runs
Long time reader (15+ years), first time poster.
I had to add my two cents with a term ya’ll have missed…
Necrobestialanalist: One with a propensity to screw dead animals in the butt.
Enjoy!
Did you get that list from goofball.com ?
Haven’t you guys heard of sounds? There are the mundane kind and the electrical kinds.
A sound is a surgical steel instrument that one sticks into the urethra of a male partner with ever widening guages for sexual gratification. The electrical ones are the same but deliver a shocking sensation. They are real and you can buy them at almost any S&M/fetish shop.
HUGS!
Sqrl
the list came in a forwarded email from a friend, as does so much useless information these days.
i do not claim to be the source nor do i know its origins
I didn’t see these, so I thought to add them:
Grundle Rumble - A massage of the area between the scrotum and anus.
Snowballing - When and individual french kisses another after oral pleasures, thus sharing the DNA milkshake.
Arctic Wind - Oral pleasures given while having crushed mints (usually Altoids) in the givers mouth.
Rodeo Sex - Doing it doggy style, then telling your wife that she’s almost as good as her sister or best friend. Grab on tight and see how long you can hang on.
How about “The Bronco”…after entering your lady friend in the doggie position, you reach under and grab her breasts and then say something like, “You are undoubtedly the ugliest woman I have ever fucked”. You must hang on for the full eight seconds as she tries to buck you off.
A friend sent you that list? I sure hope you don’t ever get hate mail!
After talking with friends, I was reminded about a few more:
Prarie Fire - 1) A drink usually given to a person on their 21st birthday just to see if they can hold it down. Made with Tequila and Tobasco. 2)Oral Pleasures given after eating spicy food. NOTE: Don’t try either one, they both hurt!
Aborted Launch - Just before ejaculation, clamping the base of the penis so that nothing comes out.
Mangina - The appearence of a vagina when a man tucks his penis between his legs.
Bukkake - Japanese for “shower of sperm”. Usually happens during gang bangs, but certain people (like porn star Peter North) can do this on their own.
Twat Shot - Catching a buzz from inserting alcohol soaked tampons.
sadonecrobestiality: Beating a dead horse.
Would anyone care to update this list?
cough!Mr. Cynicalcough!
Or do I have to do it myself?
Let’s see…
I don’t know what the word for it could be, but I knew a guy in the Air Force who once told a story about heating a tomato in the mmicrowave for a little bit, cutting a hole in it, and using that to masturbate.
Beefsteak boogie, perhaps?
Then, having sex on the cooking surface in a fast food restaurant after closing :
Seasoning the Grill or Salting the Burgers
try this link:
http://www.escape.com/~bokonon/blumpie.html
my personal favorite is the flying camel. or wait, I think my favorite has to be the “dog in the bathtub” there’s just too many to pick a favorite, I guess. . .
Hall Sex:
when you pass your partner (could be former partner, business partner, etc…) in the hall and go ‘FUCK YOU’.