Since it is at somebody’s home, I’d talk to the hostess. They may prefer to get your “list of stuff I can’t eat”, to ask you for suggestions or to have you verify the menu. I’d find it very strange to have someone bring his own meal except for potluck lunches, from what I see here other people don’t find it so.
My grandfather’s diet is similar and we work around it just fine, even at restaurants. At restaurants the vetoing is along the lines of: cousin checks the restaurant’s menu beforehand, verifies that the items that look like Gramps can eat them really are Gramps-friendly. Then during the actual lunch, every female in the family will tell the waiter “no, not THAT” if Gramps decides he wants, uh, dunnow, something light and digestible like, say, black beans with blood sausage :smack: He usually gives up and behaves after being refused two dishes…
Priceguy, the idea is to give warning beforehand, in time for them to adjust the menu. Some adjustments can be very simple. For example, you say you can have mushroom sauce but not mushroom bits. That’s solved either by making sure that any 'shrooms in the sauce are puréed or, if the host knows some guests like having mushroom bits, make sure the sauce on the dish is completely liquid but bring to the table a bowl with “extra chunky sauce”. Additional work required, something like two minutes.
How it should work: Me: Want to come to dinner? Priceguy: Well I would like to, but I have some dietary restrictions. What are you planing? Me: I was planing on A, B and C Priceguy: I can’t have A and B Me: How about D, E, and F? Priceguy: E is OK D and F are out. Me: OK fine, give me a day or so, and I will get back to you with what I will prepare, I want to make sure that you can enjoy what I prepare. Priceguy: Thanks.
How not to do it: Me: Want to come to dinner? Priceguy: Sure
[The night of the dinner] Priceguy Does this have A, B, D, or F in it? Me: Yes all of the above Priceguy: I can’t eat it Me [thinking to self] ASSHOLE![/TTS]
Don’t worry that it’s impolite. Rude would be eating food that makes you sick! If you had any other medical need, it would be no different. Yes, people get weird about food, but it’s not your problem.
Consider it purely a medical need and go with that. I have several friends with allergies and restrictions and we’ve learned how to have a good meal together without poisoning anyone.
Make up a little dining card that says something like, “Hi, I’m Priceguy, I have some special medical needs. I can’t eat pineapples, carrots, or… If I eat these items I would be very, very ill… It’s not a problem if these foods come into contact with my food (I’m not allergic, I just can’t digest them.) Please remove any of these items from my meal and give this card to the cook… Thanks.”
Make them business-card sized (they can fold up) and carry copies with you and hand them out as needed. Keep a computer copy and you can e-mail your restrictions to friends and family.
In my job as the health-librarian-of-doom, I deal with people who are new to food allergies and intolerances on an almost daily basis. They are always stressed over these issues, as food is always a cultural/social thing. If you are still not up to standing up for your diet, ask for a referral to a nutritionist for further help.