You follow a very strict low-carb diet. You are invited to a couple’s home for lunch. They hint that they will be serving sub sandwiches, pasta, and a dessert.
Other info:
You have known them for just a couple of years. They would have no idea of your dietary restrictions.
They are adamant that you should not bring anything.
There will be 7 or 8 other guests.
You do not care at all about missing out on or being tempted by food you cannot eat; your concern is divided between not offending and staying true to a promise you have made to yourself.
If your diet is for health reasons, I’d eat before going. If it’s just “a promise you made to yourself” but you’re not actually going to get sick or anything bad from eating, then I’d just eat the food.
Edit to add, if they just invited you over to eat lunch and you’re not doing anything else there, then I wouldn’t even go.
I’d see it as an excuse to go off the diet for one meal, and plan my other meals and exercise accordenly. One meal isn’t going to make or break my plan, as I plan for such things and have not suffered any serious setbacks.
I indulged quite a few times over the holidays and was able to maintain a steady weight and blood glucose level. Although the pie incident over Thanksgiving came close to getting out of hand. Who would have thought that Pecan pie wasn’t part of a low carb diet?
Depends on how severe the consequences of eating carbs are for me.
I’d agree with Eyebrows of Doom, if it’s medical then you have to eat your own food beforehand, but if it’s not consequential, then consider this your ‘cheat meal’ of the week and eat their food.
If there’s no significant and immediate health risk from being exposed to gluten, I’d go and eat the contents of the sub, skip the bread and the pasta, and probably the dessert as well unless there’s fruit to nibble at. I’d be the best and cheeriest guest I could be, thank them for the invite and just mention that you’re having to strictly reduce your carb load but you couldn’t pass up such a generous invitation.
Or, just politely bow out of the invitation altogether.
Seems to me, the fact that they’ve worried about this enough to worry about it suggests that “Just eat whatever” isn’t a good option.
At which point, just explaining things to them is the best option. Anyone who decides to be an asshole about your legitimate health concerns isn’t someone you should be hanging out with anyways.
I would explain my situation and go from there. I would hope that once I explained, they either be would be less adamant about me bringing something or change the menu a bit - it’s not that hard to add a salad. I might skip the bread and the pasta if they remain adamant about me not bringing something and don’t add a non-carb item - but more likely I just wouldn’t go. Because if they are adamant that I not bring something , it seems to me that they are more concerned with their menu than with the guests. And I’m not sure I want to socialize with those people.
I’d send them a note or call them to let them know of my dietary restrictions, and that I’d love to bring a carb-free side dish [that will serve as a sufficiently filling entree replacement]. And I’d bring it regardless of how they respond.
Nah - they’re probably just wanting to be uber-hosts who don’t want their guests to worry about bringing/preparing anything, and aren’t all that socially intelligent enough to know how to make an accommodation.
This, but I’d do this regardless of the reason for the diet. If I’ve decided I am on a strict low-carb diet, then I’m on a strict low-carb diet, period. Eat before going. Enjoy the company. Only eat stuff that meshes with my diet while there. Explain as need be.
I would explain the situation beforehand, via a heartfelt email, like:
I appreciate your kind invitation, but my physician has me on a low-carb diet. He warned that breaking this diet would result in my gruesome death. I realize that your menu consists of high-carb dishes, and that’s OK. I really don’t mind just staring at your other guests as they joyfully eat, and I’ll try not to drool too much onto the table.
However, if you were to provide me with a modest low-carb meal, I would be grateful beyond belief. But, I really don’t want to put you to any trouble because, well…I consider you and your spouse (whose name escapes me) my very best friends—better even than my dog!
FYI: some suggestions for foods that are low-carb include, lobster, Kobe beef, white truffles, and caviar (Beluga only). But really, don’t go to any trouble on my behalf.
P.S. I’ll bring my karaoke machine and sing Feelings, to entertain your guests!
I would mention my diet to the hosts beforehand, not making a big deal of it, and offer again to bring something. If they still said not to bring anything, I’d eat something beforehand so I wasn’t unbearably hungry, and go anyway; the point of these things is supposed to be the conversation as much or more than the meal. I’d hope there was something I could eat, but if it weren’t a matter of immediate health danger, I’d eat small portions of whatever they did have; possibly taking the top bread off the subs.
If they gave me a hard time about it, I’d decline the next invitation.
– If they were telling me ahead of time what they were serving, I’d probably take that as a roundabout way of asking me whether I could eat that.
No dilemma. It just depends on whether the reason for the low-carb diet is (A) a critical medical necessity or (B) just a healthy-lifestyle choice. It also would depend on whether the gathering was for (C) some important social or business function, or (D) just for lunch. In the case of A+C, I’d eat beforehand. In the case of A+D, I’d either politely explain my medical issue and probably not attend, or if that seemed rude under the circumstances because there’s always some social element to these gatherings, I’d do the same as A+C: eat beforehand (and of course let the hosts know ahead of time so they could manage quantities accordingly).
But I think (B) is probably the more common dietary scenario, so for the purpose of the poll I cast the question in terms that would apply to me, since I don’t have medical dietary restrictions: what if the hosts were serving things that I knew to be unhealthy, and that I try to limit my consumption of? After all, highly processed meats like in subs aren’t healthy, and the high carbs and glutens in pasta aren’t great, either. In which case – mmmm, subs and pasta!
You thank them for the invite, tell them that you’ll be eating beforehand because you’re on a strict diet, and close by thanking them again and making it very clear how much you’re looking forward to enjoying their company. Lunch is just the excuse for socializing, after all.
If they then ask about your restrictions with an eye towards accommodating you, make it as easy as possible on them. Refusing to allow them to accommodate you makes them feel like bad hosts. Making them go to trouble for you makes you look like a bad guest.
If you don’t tell them beforehand, then they again might (rightly) feel that you didn’t trust them to be good hosts regardless of how you approach it. That’s a bad outcome.
Likewise, picking around food your hosts give you (rather than talking to them beforehand) is a super passive aggressive look. “Oh no, I’m fine, don’t go to any trouble for me.” Also a bad outcome.
Maybe that’s the reason they originally were adamant - but if I tell you I can’t eat what you are serving and ask about / mention bringing something and you still insist that I shouldn’t bring anything but also don’t change the menu it’s no longer a matter of you not wanting me to worry about preparing anything. If that was really what you were worried about, you’d add something I could eat. It really doesn’t require any social intelligence to either let me bring something or buy a bagged salad
I think this is a golden opportunity for you to proselytize the Low Carb Way to the hosts and guests, who are probably unaware of the dangers of excessive carbohydrate intake. Generally, they should be very receptive to this approach. Who doesn’t love a well crafted lecture?
Bring an accurate, calibrated bathroom scale and a height/weight chart and run ‘em through, so the guests have an idea how far off the path they have strayed.
