I faced a similar situation when I was on a strict keto diet and I had to attend this all day, week-long training session back when I still worked in an office. They had plenty of carb-heavy snacks like pretzels and chips, and brought in lunches like pizza and subs every day. It was a big ol’ carb-fest. The only difference between that and the OP scenario was that I wasn’t going to offend anybody by not eating what was offered.
I just brought my own almonds to snack on, and at lunch I’d pick out the meat and filling from the subs, took the cheesy tops off a slice or two of pizza, discarded the bread and crust, and had a fair amount of salad. I made it work.
The couple are wonderful people, among the nicest, most generous I’ve ever met. Seriously. Their reason for mentioning that attendees should not bring anything is out of kindness and nothing else.
My low carb restriction is completely self-enforced and intended for weight loss, there is nothing (directly) medical about my program. That said, I am a 100%, all-in sort of guy. I find it easier to comply 100% than 98%. I know I could jump off the wagon for a day and get right back on it the next day, but I really, really like to keep a streak intact.
I hesitate to mention it beforehand because I don’t want to inconvenience them in any way.
I hesitate to not eat - or to eat sparingly - because I don’t want to make them feel bad for not accommodating me.
I hesitate to bring a dish because that is going against their wishes, and it would be weird to just eat what I brung.
I will probably just eat what they serve and not say anything.
It’s kind of hard to respond directly to the OP, but my ex-girlfriend were in a similar situation after offering to make pasta for her mother’s friends and some others dinner, who turned out to be vegan…
We took two sides in the kitchen, to separate food prep.
We made deep fried prawn and pesto tortelinni (on my my side) and deep fried walnut and pesto torteninni on her side. Both with a simple roller pasta machine. I made traditional pasta with eggs, we found a great recipe for vegan pasta (I like to make my own pasta rather than buying it)
It was a kind of fun time reaching the goal while keeping the two sides separate.
We served both with a simple sage oil (substitute for butter) sauce.
Also the first time I have deep fried pasta, but once boiled to almost al-dente, a flash in the pan is amazing
This thread reminded me of my wife’s niece, who brought us dinner yesterday as a thankyou gesture. White chicken chili (I have problems with dairy), corn muffins, and a gooey desert of some sort (I’m diabetic). I just said “thank you”, as I didn’t want to embarrass her.
I responded based on what I’d do, not necessarily what the OP should do. It sounds like he really wants to go, so my last option is off the table. But, to me, if I’m invited to lunch specifically (and not lunch being an addition to something else), I would probably not attend if there was nothing there I could eat. But I would definitely tell them ahead of time my restrictions, as they may be willing to have something I can eat.
In fact, that is exactly what happened recently. I didn’t go to a restaurant with some people because there was nothing there I could eat. But I did attend a lunch they served at home, where they had things I could eat.
If I were the OP, and I didn’t want to say anything and had no actual medical restrictions, I’d go and eat what I could. I would not expect not eating the bread of a sandwich to be offensive. And, yes, maybe eat beforehand or plan to go get something right after.
I know you mean well, but you will inconvenience them a lot more if they are surprised and embarassed in the day in front of their other guests.
Having a polite word beforehand means you and they can reach an agreeable solution.
When I was running chess at a school in England, I organised an international chess tournament.
One player from the USA asked to enter. He explained that he had a serious allergy problem. I checked with our kitchen staff, who guaranteed they could not only serve suitable food, but also keep his utensils and cookware separate to avoid ‘contamination’.
He came, he had a great time - and all because he notified me in advance.
The reason I’ve been able to happily do low carb with my gf for the past year or so is because I know that we have occasional cheating at parties and such.
Initially I was like you and didn’t want to cheat. My gf explained that we were doing a long term adjustment to our diet, so an occasional cheat meal was fine.
I do low carbs but I also do portion size. So I would just take a very small portion and eat very lightly. People eyeball your food way too closely but you just make do. I would probably only eat half of the bread on my sub sandwich and then eat the insides. No pasta and a nibble of dessert.
That was going to be my question. I think it’s the crux of the issue.
The same probably holds true with exercise or sobriety – how important and easy would those things be for you.
If I can always have A Glass Of Wine with no consequence, then I probably will. If one glass of wine could legitimately take me down to a very dark place, then I really shouldn’t.
If I can miss my long run day to go to a kid’s birthday party, but make up the miles in the next few days, cool. But if being disciplined and consistent is my only path to my goals, then I’m running while apologizing.
I doubt it hurts anybody to eat first, and then offer an explanation, or bring your own dish, exclaiming that you’re “glad you did, because everything looks in-fucking-credible, and there’s no way you could have resisted.”
Or something like that
ETA: and, OhByTheWay, weren’t you a diabetes educator? Not only do you likely know the didactic answers, you probably also know very well what works best for you in these situations
Given that the diet isn’t for medical reasons, I would just eat what they served if it were me, but “tell the hosts beforehand and offer to bring a low-carb dish” seems like an equally defensible option. As a host, the only thing that would make me feel bad or put out would be if a guest showed up without telling me they couldn’t eat any of the food on offer, and then proceeded not to eat.
Yeah. I’d be thinking ‘why on earth didn’t you tell me!’ while hunting through the kitchen for something you could eat that I could rapidly get on the table.
But then, when I invite people over, presuming they accept I generally ask them straight out ‘is there anything you can’t eat?’ and take the reply into account when deciding on the menu.
For an ultra low-carb, Atkins type diet, it could be enough to set one back a week. Easiest to just not attend. If this was some other event that also happened to be serving food, then go but don’t eat. But since this event seems entirely focused around eating a high-carb, pasta and desert lunch, I just wouldn’t go. If they were inviting you over to watch a game, for poker night, baby shower or whatever, and also serving food then go. Just don’t eat. If the event is eating, then don’t go.
Explain your situation beforehand. It’s what I do.
Being in remission from colitis*, I can’t eat red meat - it’s the one thing that strongly correlates with failure in remission (and failure rates are high). Now, I say “Can’t eat”, but what you’re actually told is Don’t, but if you are going to eat red meat occasionally… - and then they give you some rules. But my rationale has always been, if I did eat some red meat(s) and followed the rules, and then failed in remission, I would never forgive my asshole stupid self. So I don’t eat it.
My friends and family, bless them all, bend over backwards to accommodate me, with never the slightest hint of complaint.
In your particular case
- my memory from a previous thread is that your weight loss has been so successful that your seriousness and commitment will be obvious on sight. I imagine that alone will persuade people that you’re not just being picky or awkward (or however it might be phrased.)
I can’t speak for the US, but in the UK it’s very common for someone to mention that, for example, they are a vegetarian, and I don’t think that a host would ever see that as a problem (veganism might have to be worked out). My vegetarian nephew and his GF were over during the holidays, and we were of course very happy to accommodate them. So dietary requests in general are not a biggie these days, I think.
j
* - as an aside, colitis remission appears not to have a defined completion (ie “cure”) these days. Best outcome: in remission for life. Oh well.
I just wouldn’t go. I probably wouldn’t anyway,
I fetish foods and I do have a very restricted diet. I’m normally very controlled.
I’d be so anxious anyway. And it just wouldn’t be a place I’d need to be.
Party hosts can’t always accommodate every guests eating restrictions. Medically needed or self imposed. You’d be a better guest by not making an issue of it. If you can’t find a way to eat, easily without a big kerfuffle, just don’t attend. Easy peasy.
Go and enjoy the company. If the subs are pre prepared eat it like a salad leaving the bread. If it’s buffet style skip the bread. And pass on the pasta.
Also missing out on a social engagement with lovely people because of bread is just silly.
But I did the low carb/high protein diet a couple of times, and when served sandwiches, I would just take the meat/cheese etc out and eat that. In other words, dump the bread, eat the filling.
I’ve been in almost this exact position several times. Casual acquaintances and co-workers don’t necessarily know I’m a vegetarian, and I’m loath to ask anyone to accommodate my foibles. My solution has generally been to let the hosts know and offer (firmly and sincerely) to bring a dish. I know I’d be mortified to invite someone to a meal they couldn’t eat.
Go to the lunch. After you’re served, discreetly slip the inedible pieces to the toddler, dog, potted plant, etc as needed. Have some distractions prepared to ease the subterfuge. Be sure to burp loudly to really sell how delicious the food is. Slip a twenty to another guest if they seem suspicious. Tearfully apologize about your behavior when discovered by the host and explain it’s due to your upbringing in a large Old Order Dunker family. Hugs and handshakes with everyone, to reset for the next episode.
This is a modern day made up social dilemma. Doesn’t have to be this way.
People can be so ridiculous about this.
If you self enforced a dietary need it’s not like you’re highly allergic and may die if you’re around pasta.
Try living with a real medically necessary dietary restriction for about a week.
You’ll lighten up.
If you can’t deal with pressure of carbs calling your name or people asking why you didn’t eat bread, don’t go. Simple.
