If these people are as wonderful as you say, why would they not want you to be comfortable? Why do you feel discussing it ahead of time would inconvenience them?
It would be a weird menu that included nothing other than high carb offerings. If you really don’t cre about eating the carbs, then just do it. But if you do care, then don’t. And your options are go and see what is available that you can eat, or see if any of the offerings will be low carb
I personally would prefer not to have a guest bring their own meal, nor do I care for guests to bring a dish. When my wife and I host, we kinda like to be responsible for how the table is set and the food that is presented. But if you called me ahead of time, it would be zero effort to mix up a fruit salad or plate some veggies.
I don’t eat egg dishes. But I’ve been to many a brunch, and have always found something to eat. I just skip the quiche. My sister does not eat meat. Similarly, she can always find something to eat.
If you go and just pick at things, expect them to notice, whether they comment or not. We have a couple of friends who never do more than pick at their food. It is almost to the point that we don’t wish to share meals with them any more. Disappointing to prepare food and not have it be enjoyed - or have it wasted.
The event is almost never just eating. It’s almost always also a social event in which the conversation’s at least as important as the food.
Nobody invites you over for lunch, puts the food in front of you, and then doesn’t talk with you. At least, nobody would pull that on me twice. That’s what the staff at a restaurant generally does. It’s not what friends inviting you over for a meal do.
If you wouldn’t go anyway, whatever the menu, that’s a different issue entirely.
I certainly didn’t mean you in any personal way. I promise.
I just find these situations so trying. People are so self centered they can’t deal with regular events that every human has to deal with. No one wants to be inconvenienced or outta their comfort zone.
If you can’t go and just deal with visiting people and not worrying so much about how not to eat certain foods, just stay home.
Agree with your take. And if they act like their social customs will be violated if you won’t eat their subs and pasta… fuck ‘em. Go hang somewhere else that day.
I’m a diabetic low carb eater. I can certainly survive a high carb meal, but I’d rather not. A little now and again isn’t harmful.
Assuming these folks are friends, I’d show up, eat what I want of what’s offered, skip the rest, and feel no guilt and accept no pressure in so doing. In the specific case of sub sandwiches, pasta, and a dessert, I’d eat the sandwich minus all but a bite or two of bread, eat a bite of pasta, and skip the desert.
If they want to try to accommodate me somehow with different or extra food, I’d demur on that; I’m happy to eat a sub without 90% of the bread; I do it regularly on my own. My health problem is not their problem to accommodate; it’s my problem to accommodate. Depending on the bigger picture I might eat something before, or eat something afterwards. I’m not gonna suffer if I miss a meal altogether.
If they want to try to coerce or shame me into eating what I don’t want, well … they won’t succeed and that’s probably the last meal they provide that I’ll share with them. I’m diplomatic, but immovable.
Lotta folks get too full of themselves, or too full of doing what they don’t want in the name of exaggerated social graces. Be chill; this isn’t that hard.
I am one of those dreaded picky eaters, so I have been in this situation many times. I show up and hope there’s something I can eat. I never expect anyone to accommodate for my quirks, I’ll make the effort to work around the situation my own way.
I tend not to socialise anymore, as I am old and cranky and can’t be bothered with it all, so it’s been a while since I was last in this predicament, but it’s an inescapable part of life. It will happen again soon enough, I’m sure.
I am curious, is it common to have to separate kitchens for vegan preparation? I could perhaps undertstand this for someone with a serious food allergy or who won’t eat meat for strict religious reasons (Kosher Jews, Jains, Brahmins, etc), but vegans?
Incidentally, I suspect deep fried pasta might pose a bigger dietary risk than a bit of shrimp
I would take something I could eat, in a microwaveable container. If nothing on the menu is suitable for my diet, I’d quietly off to kitchen and microwave ‘from home’ entree. (Try to keep it somewhat akin to what the host is serving so it won’t stand out too terribly, if at all possible!)
If caught and cornered, pressed for an explanation, be honest, ‘You’re on a restrictive diet, for your general health. You’re new to navigating this circumstance and uncomfortable discussing, excusing, explaining, etc. Too many questions, too invasive concerning health issues, causes others unnecessary concern and just makes you more ill at ease. You’re still getting used to it, and were hoping to just enjoy the company and add in the yummy things that ARE edible for you, WITHOUT drawing a lot of attention and inquiries. I’m hoping you can understand.’
If someone confided this to me, I’d leave them be, encourage them not to stress and to just have a good time, no worries. Wouldn’t you?
If it’s medical I’ll explain my situation, and by response would depend on theirs; it could range from “bring my own food” to “cut off contact” depending on how obnoxious they are about a medical issue.
If it’s not medical I’ll just do what I always do as a picky eater; look through the offered food for something I can stand or like, and depending on what’s there go hungry, eat just one thing or eat normally if I luck out and I like whatever it is.
No matter how nice the hosts are, I won’t be attending a kegger, a game night, a movie night, music night, probably not a baby shower or Tupperware party.
I suppose I’d have to go to a wedding if one of my girls married(I have offered to pay them to elope).
I guess I’ll have funerals to attend but I won’t be at the wake or after funeral feeds. No Celebration of life events either. No body, no me.
I won’t be coming to your kids birthday party. I might come to your dogs birthday party.
I’m not coming to your kids graduation brunch or the ceremony.
Or any holiday events.
I’ll RSVP in plenty of time for you to fill out the guest list. No need to worry about my food needs.
Being a guy I haven’t had to go to showers or Tupperware parties. My daughter eloped to Vegas during COVID19, so that was cool. I did livestream the ceremony and my gf caught me with tears in my eyes. Funerals I do everything I can to avoid. I’ll visit my friend who lost a relative, but attending a thing with a corpse in the room freaks me out.
I have no idea, I have only cooked for strict vegans once (as described in my post)
My g/f and I just decided to simplify the separation by using two opposite counters.
Anecdote: I got an invite from a Jewish family for Shabat, and as I am a baker, I offered to make the challah, basically a braided bread, but has significance in the Shabat rituals. I was totally willing to clean my bread making equipment in the sea as the Jewish laws suggest when I made a challah. I thought I should do a mikveh for all my kitchen equipment.
It turns out my invite was from very moderate Jews. They appreciated the bread but did not need the ritual.
It is kind of interesting to cater for people with different needs/desires. It makes cookling creative.
No one’s forcing anyone to go to a party.
But are hosts required to keep a record of all their friends allergies, restrictions and dislikes.
I don’t think it’s incumbent on the host.
The individual knows what they need. If there’s no way to be accomdated they shouldn’t go at all.
I kinda think it would be rude to take your organic banana and cup of special soup and make the whole table uncomfortable and embarrassing the host in the process.
I disagree, to a certain extent. I like the challenge of making something for everyone.
But I do agree that we can’t all keep a record. What if I meet a nice couple at a parent/teachers meeting at my kid’s school, and I invite them to my home.
If say, Mr. Parent is gluten intolerant, I am not going to make bread. Or Mrs Parent has a serious aversion to tomato? I’m not going to make pizza.
I don’t keep a record. That’s why I ask people before each event. Also, sometimes people’s diets change.
And how can I accommodate people if I don’t know what they want or need? So yes, if I forget to ask you, tell me anyway.
Yes, if I can’t accommodate them at all then they shouldn’t come at all; but usually I can. (The only people I can think of who I know who I can’t accommodate at all is the friend who’s so vehemently allergic to cats that he can’t even come in my house. We work that out by going out to eat – in separate cars so I won’t get cat hair/saliva into his, as I’m guaranteed to have it all over me.)
