Confessions of a troll

I have a bit of a confession to make. Not that I’m a troll, that much I’m sure is obvious. What I want to confess is that I’m not new to the board, I’ve been a fairly frequent poster ever since it came on the Internet (I never had AOL). I’ve made several hundred posts to this board under a different ID, mostly in General Questions and Great Debates, very rarely in the BBQ Pit.

While perusing MPSIMS, I saw all the “let’s meet IRL” threads and thought of the spoof title “Any Straight Dopers in Assboink, Idaho?” It struck me funny (I amuse myself quite frequently), so I decided to start the thread. In all honesty, my intent was not to imply the people meeting IRL were desperate, it was meant more as sarcastic satire. If anything, it was a shot at southerners (Assboink was almost in Arkansas, not Idaho). Even so, it was a bit of a bash, so I put it in the Pit under a different ID.

Then Sealmon flamed me. I don’t blame him or her, I can see how it could have been taken the way it was. After I read the flame, I had a choice. A) Say, “hey, chill out, it was just a joke. I didn’t mean to imply you guys are desperate.” Or B) Tweak him back and start a flame war, for laughs.

Since it was the BBQ Pit anyway, I chose to flame back. Lo and behold, it WAS kind of fun. I was surprised, I always thought trolling was stupid, and didn’t really see why people would argue on purpose. I liked debating in Great Debates, but was always very careful to be polite and to not attack people personally. I can’t stand to watch Jerry Springer, because the arguing irritates me. Yet I found flaming in the pit amusing, and somewhat exhilarating. It’s like “Fight Club” for Internet geeks.

What made me “come out of the closet” was ChrisCTP’s post in the troll thread pointing out that the Pit is for debates that get heated. She’s right, plus I keep worrying about making a Dingus post with my other ID, which I hope is somewhat well liked and respected. Dingus is a subset of the human typing these words, 100 percent of the sarcasm and 0 percent of the manners. My other ID is a lot closer to the full person.

To those who argued and flamed me, I hope that you generally did this in fun, and that you weren’t too upset. If I made you genuinely unhappy, I apologize.

Oh, lovely. How very helpful. Now are you going to tell us who you are?

Someone else is bound to point out this sentence so I might as well do it first. It’s not obvious from any of your previous posts, but this one does seem to show some semblence of intelligent thought behind it, which leaves you well above the troll water mark. I thought the Assboink thing was a pretty good zing at all of the doper location threads and was surprised it degenerated as much as it did.

Now, all I want to know is…Who are you??

I suspect everyone, except myself. Well, only if I can prove to myself that I have a solid alibi during all Dingus posts.

Well, that was a pretty short-lived experiment. Feeling guilty perhaps?

Dopeler effect:
The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Come out, come out who ever you are…

How’s this for a contest?

First one to figure out who he really is gets two round trip plane tickets.

To Assboink.

And the problem with small furry animals
in corners is that, just occasionally,
one of them’s a mongoose.
Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

People who take out new IDs in order to troll are yellow-bellied chickenshits and unworthy of respect.

Hey Dingus, if you have ever posted under the name Contestant#3 this is just the worst guessing contest ever.


SterlingNorth posts under Contestant #3 now.

Dingus = Polycarp?

Looking for adventure?

So you admitted that you made up a name to troll, but you still use the made up name to fess up?

Sorry… Can’t accept an apology until you go balls to the wall here.

It’s a shame too… I liked the flame.

Back off, man. I’m a scientist.

My tactic would be to look for potential alter egos among the people who flame “Dingus’s” apology in this thread. The alter ego could be using the angry flame to distract attention from him (or her) self.

Plunging like stones from a slingshot on Mars.

POlycarp - somethng about the tone —

 Photons have mass!? I didn't even know they were  Catholic...

Well, Poly hasn’t posted since Oct/29… which is when Dingus started.

Here Poly, c’mere! Poooooooooly, poly, poly, poly, poly, poly, poly, poly, poly, poly, poly…

Poly’s not gone.
He’s pining for the fjords.

LMAO – Good one Slythe!

Am I the only one here who is disappointed? I thought we had drawn a new poster with incisive wit, and there can never be too much of that, IMHO.

Reality is for people who can’t handle drugs.

-Tom Waits

Well, hell, I got a confession to make:

No, I’m not Dingus. :wink:

The confession is that the reason I unloaded on him/her is because I had seen a string of threads griping about the board’s content. Dingus’s post was just the one that finally set me off, I guess.

I wasn’t really upset or nothing (this is a message board, fer Christ sakes), but when I saw that implication about “desperate” posters, I got annoyed. That comment smacked of lameness on the level of “get a life”.

And so the flaming commenced.

So the confession is: That Assboink OP was pretty funny.

I don’t know who ya really are dingus, but I’m for a truce if you are.

You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.

Alright, alright. I know that was two confessions.

Bite me.

You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.

Betcha anything it’s Sterling North. Those fake names can get addictive.

“I can call spirits from the vasty deep.”
“Why, so can I, or so can any man;
But will they come when you do call for them?”

  • Shakespeare, I Henry IV

I just have to share one thing. It occurred to me that I could have made a Dingus post, and used the sig of somebody else on the board (Sealmon88 would have been a good choice).

Do you see the beauty of this? Somebody would have noticed, thought I screwed up, and made the “obvious” connection. Nothing that the “framed” person could say would stop people thinking that he is Dingus. And if I did this to Sealmon, it would have reduced the Assboink thread to “Eric Cartman’s Tea Party”, if you catch my drift, making him look mighty stupid.

It would have been a fine parting shot, although one that only he and I would have been fully aware of.

But since he thought the OP was funny, I choose to decline, and accept the truce. Not that a truce means much, since I doubt I’ll use this ID again.