I now feel like John McCain must have felt when his Veitnamese captors shut the latch on his bambo cage. I sit locked away into opression by a tyrannical majority (who cheated at the polls, with the help of Mr. Diebold), a swarm of retarded Christian Fundamentalists whose lives revolve around church and “Walker, Texas Ranger” reruns. For the next four years, despite being better then them in every way–smarter, better looking, more moral, less ignorant, and more sucessful–I shall be their bitch. They’ll bend me over the smoking asinine corpose of the Democratic party and take turns raping me–they’ll delight in the slaughter of innocent Iraqi’s, they’ll rob women of the right to choose, they’ll make gay sex punishable by stoning, they’ll make the French hate us, they’ll believe in Jesus, and they’ll invade Iran, North Korea, and Sweden.
We had a chance, yesterday. We had an oppurtunity to show the world that we could be a single country: united, intelligent, sensitive, humble–one nation. Instead, a bunch of rural honkeys, brain-dead suburban soccer moms, wall-street fat cats, poor black evangelicals, and hispanics in Florida joined together to show the world just how divided we are. I feel so betrayed, like that day I was out walking in the park, enjoying some fresh air, and a pack of wolves chased me down and gang-raped me. OK, maybe that didn’t happen, but now I know what it would feel like! 
I’m so conflicted. I want to curl up and float away. I want to be numb. I want to never look another American in the eye knowing that, effectively, they just voted for Hitler. He’s going to give money to religious charities, increase our relative tax burden, make it easier for companies to hire foreigners, and put leftists in gas-chamber equipped concentration camps.
CALM DOWN, CALM DOWN PLEASE, CALM DOWN. Yes, I wanted Kerry to win to too. Yes, I’m sad that Bush lost, and I have the hangover to prove it. But for the love of all that is holy (if you believe in that kind of thing), IT’S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD! There are a zillion election threads right now–if you must pontificate on the fate of the free world, post to one of those! If you absolutely must have the OP in a thread, consider a live journal! Pretty pretty please! It’s over! Let’s get GD back to the status quo–I think we’re getting real close to figuring out if there’s ghosts and if abortion is OK!!