My 13 year old stepson will be coming to live with his father and me later this year. Until now, he has visited us about 5x a year for a week or so, and for about two months in the summer. He is a terrific kid, and we get along well with his mom and her family. Everyone on both sides is excited and positive about this move – it’s really nice.
But full-time parenting is different than having him visit. What sorts of things do I need to know? Not child psychology stuff – I mean functional things like, once he’s in school, how do I find out about extra-curricular activities or clubs he could join? Do I need to have school records transferred here, like medical records?
I’m sure there’s a million practical things I can’t even think of.
You can go to the office at whatever school he’ll be attending any time and they’ll set you straight. Off the top of my head, you’ll need his immunization record (the original, not a copy) and something that shows that you live within their district, like a recent phone bill. They will probably also have forms that his doctor will need to fill out, or you’ll need a copy of the most recent on from his previous school. They might also ask about medical insurance.
As for the extra-curriculars, the PTA might be a good place to start. Although, be careful, if they are like the one at our school, they’ll have you volunteering for stuff right away.
Earlier this year we went to our son’s kindergarten orientation and my husband went up to one of the greeter’s tables and asked if he could help with anything—meaning passing out refreshments or something—and they said, “Sure! Can you edit our monthly newsletter?”
Most schools send home tons of sign-up notices and newsletters, even at the junior high level. He’s a bigger dude, who may not appreciate being signed up for stuff, since he’s old enough to do it for himself.
Maybe find out what activities he’s already into and talk to the appropriate teachers/coaches to find out if he can join mid-season or whatever. Perhaps find out the info on the local skating rink and swimming pool and other more community type stuff so that he can make new friends without the pressure of breaking into already existing school cliques?
I posed the question to my 12 yo son, his advice was “treat him like he lives there and isn’t just visiting or in the way. Oh, and call him ‘honey’ or ‘my son’ instead of ‘the stepchild’ too. Help him decorate his room the way he wants it.”
I think your boy is pretty smart, too, Queen Tonya.
We already have a really close relationship. My husband thinks The Boy likes me best of all his parenting team. (What we call the biological and stepparents as a group.) When we moved into this house, I asked him how he’d like his room decorated, and he wanted it painted like a dark cave, with an actual waterfall in the corner! But then, he was only seven at the time. We’re planning on getting a bigger place, and I’m really excited to see what his decorating ideas are this time around.
His mom is a teacher, so up to this point she’s known every program or activity that the school had to offer, and could point him in the right direction according to his interests. I’m just afraid the he’s going to miss out on things here that I won’t be aware of – after school clubs, etc.
I think I’m being a little over-anxious. Of course the school will have newsletters and stuff. I’m just so excited to be a mom!
Thank you both, I think he’s pretty neat myself. Although his phrasing has me wondering how things really are when he visits his dad and stepmom. :dubious:
You’ll be great, he’s a very lucky boy! Reminds me of the Friends episode where Ross’s ex-wife is having a baby and he’s arguing with her life-partner over who’ll get more face time with the baby, what a great thing to have so many parents excited to be a part of a childs life when so many children have parents who seem to have no interest whatsoever.
Remember he’s 13, he’s an expert at this school and extracurricular gig, he’ll probably be asking for permission to do X Y or Z before you’ve had time to plan the first five dinners he won’t eat.
