…which normally wouldn’t have bothered me. But this night was different. This night was…
my birthday. I had just turned 21 and been
outed at my party by…
the stripper who was sitting on my lap when i blew out the candles. She started with, “Attention everyone, I have something to say about the guest of honor…”
she said, flipping her hair in my face. “I know that you have all been dying to know this but our birthday guest of honor is…”
“…better hung than any other man present, as I know from experience.” As the crowd reacted to this, she glanced at the calendfar on the opposite wall and remembered that the next day was…
…was the anniversary of her leaving home at the tender age of 15. suddenly the painful memories of her childhood, her first love, and the reason for her running away from home to join the stripper sisterhood. and just as glancing at the calendar had triggered all these memories they were forgotten in a flash as the door crashed down and…
woa sorry about that fragment there, got distracted it seems
and a large wallaby materialized in front of her, saying nothing more than “if you build it, they will come.”
She composed herself and shot back, “NO! I know that when they [all the men present] got built up, they came! And so did I!” 
Even the women laughed heartily at this squelch. Then these same women, feeling that certain emotion welling up inside themselves, decided to coax their husbands home so that they could…
…mow the lawn because the sheep had not been doing their job as they were too preoccupied with…
munching on mrs. baker’s flowers, kind mrs. old baker flys off the handle and scurries outside to beat them off when suddenly…
Mr. old Baker pulled her back inside and demanded that she beat *him]/i] off! 
:o
And somewhere in Russia-formerly-known-as-the-USSR, Carmen Sandiego stole the priceless toilet of Ivan the Terrible from the Generic Russian Museum.
half way through siberia carmen realizes her folly, dragging his fricken toliet across russia was going to be some feat as it was damn heavy, but one the other hand it was quite handy to have, a very chic port-a-potty…
More important is Catherine The Great’s toilet, or was it a horse?
hmmm can’t remember but let’s forgo the actual facts for now =)i think hauling ivan the terrible’s potty is great!
When all of a sudden, Jimmy Hoffa sticks his head up from inside the toilet.
“Man!” he says. “I knew I was tired, but that was overdoing it…!”
Carmen looks at him…
and says no wonder this damn thing is so heavy get the BEEP out of my BEEPING toilet!
And Hoffa cried, “Your toilet?? I was put in here first, back in 1967.” Then he went on a long story about mobsters, Ted Kennedy, Richard Nixon, Hilary Clinton, Guiliani, glasnost, generally how he was missing for 30 years. After an hour he said, “…and that’s how I wound up here.”
carmen sighs and bangs hoffa over the head with a branch, hoffa out cold is left in the snow, carmen once again begins her trek across cold siberia with a lighter historic potty.