…they wanted the two women to settle their differences in a mud-wresting pit, wearing only bikini bottoms. A local bar had offered to host such an event, but it was turned down by…
the hamster, who having outlived his usefullness as a plot device, sadly and slowly winded his way back down his tunnel and out of this thread.
:wally
But, unbeknownst to the our heroes but beknownst to us…
giant three-headed nuns had surrounded the White House with tanks and sharp, pointed sticks and were yelling…
SEND OLIVIA AND ELOISE HERE!!! Get them out of California!" This suited the two women (and Dougie and Sally) just fine because…
California already has plenty of oddities! ::ducking::
Meanwhile…
…back in New York, the other nine Ward women, sneering at the success of Silver Fire, went hunting for male Dopers for their own personal pleasure. They happened upon Slug Signorino, who they hoped would lead them to the Teeming Male Millions. When they posed this question to him, he…
…held out a slip of paper, and said, “click on this hyperlink.” It was a website with all the info they could want, and they thanked him.
Meanwhile, back in Southern California, dougie_monty and Sally Mears were still on the floor, trying to set a record for non-stop humping.
Sally, though obviously quite ecstatic, moaned gently, “This may kill us!”
Dougie_monty said, “However, we’ll die happy!”
“I can’t argue with that logic!” answered Sally, and the couple continued bumping bellies.
A crowd was watching them through the big picture window; one of the people was a policeman.
A prudish woman snarled, “Officer, aren’t you going to arrest them?”
“For what?” he answered. “There’s no law against what they’re doing.” The crowd cheered. Some of them proceeded to start their own sex marathons right out there on the walkway!
Dougie glanced at the clock and the wall and realized…
… it was time for medication. He paused mid-hump and hurried over to his pants pocket, where he kept his pills.
He found his meds, three small round neon orange wonders, and dry-swallowed them. Sally, a little miffed that he’d so abruptly ceased their lovemaking, asked what the pills were for.
“I have to take them, sugar,” he said. "If I don’t, I turn into a…
“…eunuch!”
Sally was horrified at thisidea. “Well, Dougie, go ahead and take them! And is there a counterpart for women?”
“I don’t know; and, hey, it may not matter; you are so obviously female and passionate you probably wouldn’t need it anyway!” He smiled and kissed her.
“That was sweet…” she wrapped her arms and legs around him even more, and he his around her. He could see her pupils big as saucers on her big green eyes; and she was shedding happy tears as well.
The lovemaking continued into the night…
…and they decided they’d done it enough just as the clock struck 8 a.m. Then the policeman, who’d been watching all night, burst into the room with a pen and clipboard, not even waiting for the lovers to put any clothes on.
Sally asked, “What do you want? You yourself said we weren’t violating any laws!”
“I know,” he answered, "I’m not citing you for anything. Hell, I’ve been taking notes on you. I want to use some of this on my wife, 'cause her period ended the day before yesterday! Sally and Doug laughed.
A few days later, the policeman returned and told tham he had…
Wow, talk about hijacking a thread…
The cop snapped at carnivorousplant, “Don’t try it! The last guy I collared for hijacking is doing 10 to 20 in San Quentin!”
As Sally and Dougie were putting their clothes on–sitting side-to-side on the bed (and they’d been humping all night on the floor), Sally asked, “What does ‘hijacking a thread’ mean anyway?”
“Search me, honey. I guess I’ll have to put that question to the Teeming Millions.”
So Sally directed her question to the Dopers who would post on this thread. “Hey, Teeming Millions, what does ‘hijacking a thread’ mean?”
Furthermore, the two sex-starved souls peeked outside, where the others who were watching them had started their own sex marathon, and noticed…
…some of them still at it! And some of these were much older people, presumably husbands and wives who hadn’t “done it” in years!
A large group of Dopers appeared, determined to wrest the attention away from Sally Mears and dougie_monty, who were ready to bow out. So Sally told the first Dopers who appeared that…
“Yes, we’re bowing out; it’s high time other Dopers contributed to this story.”
Dougie_monty agreed. “That’s our day in the sun,” he added.
They drove off, leaving this thread in the care of the Teeming Millions, who decided…
…that after all this time one of them–certainly notdougie_monty–would have to answer Sally’s question, "Hey, Teeming Millions, what does ‘hijacking a thread’ mean?
Stay tuned to this thread for the thrilling answer.
Just before Sally and dougie_monty boarded the northbound Coast Starlight, bound for the San Francisco Bay Area, Sally gave the answer:
“‘Hijacking a thread’ means interposing an unrelated topic in a thread. Read all about it in ‘About This Message Board.’”
The train pulled away, leaving the other Dopers on the platform–who weren’t taking the train–a little bewildered, but relieved that they had left this thread for good.
They said things like:
“Aren’t we glad he finally left? He seemed to talk only about himself!”
“Yeah, but at least he was contrite enough to bow out…now it’s up to us.”
So other Dopers continued this thread to the extent that…