…a garbage can rattling back and forth violently. Suddenly, it tipped over, knocking the lid off. Out spilled…
…an approaching bus.
ARGH! Scratch that bus; I knew I should have hit Submit sooner.
…three elephants, two macaques, and fifteen…
…about eleven empty soda bottles, a wad of snot-clotted Kleenex, a bunch of hamburger and taco wrappers, and a pile of lemon peels. Sally watched and said, “Garbage…DUH…” then one of those battery-powered toy balls rolled out, still pulsating, followed by someone’s very dirty housecat, who had been chasing the silly ball since it got kicked into the trash can by kids playing soccer on the Strand. The cat freaked out, and leaped toward Sally, and was about to land on her ledge-like bosom when she…
expertly tossed the plastic water bottle at the cat and knocked it out in mid-flight, it landed on the asphalt with a thudd…sally heaved a sigh of relief, checking her bosoms to see if they were ok and that nothing and harmed them when…
…she saw dougie_monty suffling sadly down the Strand, in ordinary street clothes, sobbing softly. She asked him what was wrong.
“Carmen Sandiego was drowned–in the Moscow train station,” he managed to get out. “I think I was the last person to see her alive.” He started crying again.
She took his hand and gently squeezed it, and rested her other arm on his shoulder. “That’s awful,” she said. She asked, “Where did you note this?”
“On Page 2 of this thread,” he answered. Sally noted on her small pad to get to Kinko’s to log onto the SDMB and check it out.
Then she said, “Let’s have some coffee at this place,” as they approached a small restaurant.
As they sat in the booth, the ill-assorted couple sensed at the same time that they would soon…
…the water bottle, which had bounced off the cat, smacked her between the eyes, knocking her out cold. As she slumped to the ground she dropped…
:o
…the vinyl mattress she had carried for a while, to land on, but it wasn’t necessary: She landed on the sand. In the coffee shop, returning to the matter at hand, Sally and dougie_monty sensed, apparently at the same moment, what the future held in store for them both:
…A trip to the bathroom. They both excused themselves and headed to the restrooms. As they opened the doors, the entire building began to shake violently because…
…Louie Anderson, who had somehow fallen onto the roof from an adjoining balcony (he was visiting friends), suddenly farted. Sally yelled “Chemical Warfare!!” from inside the women’s restroom. Dougie_monty smelled it and said, “Oh god…smells like Louie Anderson farted!” Someone standing outside, near the window, laughed. When they got back to their booth in the restaurant they saw the funniest sight out the picture window, facing the ocean:
they saw louie anderson running from a flame thrower.
Unfortunately, Louie emitted another blast of flatulation, which the flamethrower ignited, throwing him safely away from the wielder of the flamethrower. Also unfortunately, the ensuing blast…
awakened the giant carnivorous hamster in his underground lair.
The giant carnivorous hamster, irritated at having been so rudely awakened, began to tunnel to the surface, where at that exact moment…
Sally and dougie were ripping each other’s close off in a motel room.
The floorboards began to shake as the hamster dug to the floor…
…just as Sally and dougie started “digging” on the floor! 
In a great explosion of dirt and debris, the hamster reared up on its hind legs and…
…chortled, in a thick Cockney accent, “Well, blimey! I’ve been waiting for the two of you to get it on! Ain’t it a pity that more people don’t act like you two do?” and pointed out the window. By this time, the couple had shot their respective wads and were lying in sexual euphoria, on the floor. Now the hamster got their attention and they looked out the window, to see a shocking sight. Two women were engaging in a wild fight–hair-pulling, slapping, kicking and turning the air blue with curses.
Dougie_monty asked, “Who are they?”
The giant carniverous hamster answered, “That’s Olivia Short and Eloise Sharp.” A younger blonde in cheap jeans and a leather shirt was battling a slightly older woman, a brunette in expensive clothes.
“I know them,” said Sally. “That cheap blonde is Olivia Short, a local tramp. The brown-haired woman Eloise Sharp is the wife of a wealthy executive. They’ve been feuding since they finished high school. Olivia hasn’t married but Eloise has been married for 25 years and has 15 kids. Olivia calls Eloise a ‘brood mare.’ Eloise calls Olivia a tramp and some things they don’t print on the Straight Dope Message Board.”
Dougie snorted, “15 kids? I bget they both have sex all the time!”
The two fighting women heard this and stopped their battle long enough to answer:
“Well, la-dee-dah! Look who’s talking! You and that bimbo lying naked on the floor and jeering us for what we do!”
Then Olivia snarled, “C’mon, Eloise. Let’s so somewhere else and fight in peace!”
This had attracted a crowd, who assailed Olivia and Eloise with catcalls and jeers because…