Convince us that your most disliked movie us the worst film ever made.

Cafe Society
61

I accede to your judgment, even though it DID get a theatrical release. But the experience (as well as sitting through way too many Italian zombie films) prevented me from taking the time to see Ecks Vs. Sever; nowadays, you tell me a movie is bad, and I need to find out if anyone thinks it’s so bad it’s good. I lack the free time I had in my youth, to investigate such matters for myself.

MTV was good enough to show some clips of Freddy Got Fingered, thus allowing me to learn that Tom Green’s idea of comedy involves hearing a phrase and then repeatedly screaming it back at you. I was disinclined to pay to see that, and upon reading Roger Ebert’s famous review, I was pleased to avoid this film… which, I notice, doesn’t seem to have got much TV time.

I can’t do much but agree with previous posters about Mr. Mike’s Mondo Video. Saw it on cable, and that is time I will never recover. Michael O’Donoghue was very good at dark comedy… in very small, short bursts. His stuff on SNL wasn’t bad, but stretching it out into full length sketch comedy just… bleh.

I did think Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band was … in need of something. I rather liked Can’t Stop The Music, simply due to its cheerful brain damagedness.

62

In The Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale might be Uwe Boll’s worst film, even though it was his first with a budget and actual name actors. That distinction alone might get it close to winning this thread.

From my review here, upon first seeing it:

63

Heh, Wing Commander 3 and 4 made better movies that the movie did. Chris Roberts, what the hell happened there? If anyone should have been able to make a faithful movie to your games I would have thought it would have been you.

Nowhere near the worst film ever made, though, just a bad adaptation.

64

As OneCentStamp mentioned, The Dungeons and Dragons…thing…was pretty fucking terrible. I went to see it with the D&D group I was in at the time and it was so terrible, we all pretty much gave up playing D&D forever so as not to be associated with it in any way.

65

Ohh, yeah… *Dungeons And Dragons, The Movie.
*
That one physically hurt.

66

This is 18 minutes of Lousy:

Am I right or what?

(safe for work)

67

Yeah. Not only bad, but…weirdly bad. Like something my friends and I could have shot over a weekend if we’d had better cameras, even at the time. Something I could rival right now using only my acquaintances, my phone camera, and Adobe AfterEffects. I remember shots that should have been up close, inexplicably filmed from 100 feet away. It’s the most bizarrely incompetent film to get a major studio release in my lifetime.

The most unbelievable thing about the movie is that first-time director Courtney Solomon was only exiled mostly out of Hollywood, to paraphrase Miracle Max. He’s actually directed two more feature films in the 15 years since then.

The difference between D&D and In The Name of the King, to me at least, is that the latter of the two made me laugh.

68

While we’re on the Amateur Prize…

I’ll see your *Manos *and raise you The Room. *Manos *spared us our dignity at least. The Room has not one, not two, but *three *uncomfortable and overlong sex scenes, one of which starts out the movie. I never wanted to see Tommy Wiseau’s ass, but sadly I was not given a choice in this matter.
You should *only *watch the Rifftrax version of this. I will not be held responsible for injuries sustained by unaided watching. It’s that bad.

69

You forgot: For an inexplicable and unexplained reason, 90% of the dialogue is stage-whispered. Just as you turn up the TV in the hopes that you’ll be able to figure out what is going on, the musical score comes on so loud that the pictures fall off the wall.

70

falls over laughing hysterically

Now I kind of want to see that, while slightly stoned. That sounds like a great while-high gigglefest.

71

The Apple is at least fun to make fun of. My friends and I did it for our Bad Movie Nights.

But thinking about that reminded me of the time we watched Terrence Malick’s To The Wonder. It’s actually worse than my previous nominee, Da Hip Hop Witch. At least DHHW points the camera at the people who are talking, and doesn’t look like out-takes from a Calvin Klein perfume commercial.

72

The Star Trek movie between 4 & 6 doesn’t exist. If it did, it would be so bad nobody would want to acknowledge that it was ever made.

It’s essentially William Shatner’s vanity project. He wrote and directed it, although (dis)credit must be extended to his anonymous toady ghostwriters. See, Spock all the sudden has a half-brother who’s more human than Vulcan, who thinks he knows where to find God. He’s some kind of cult leader who took some ambassadors hostage so he could shanghai the Enterprise to God’s front door. Spoiler alert: it isn’t God. Kirk flushes out the Alleged Supreme Being’s duplicity with the insightful quote, “If you’re God, what do you need with a space ship?”

We get to see Kirk('s stunt double) climb a cliffside, demonstrating he’s still awesome despite being fat and toupeed. In one truly cringe-inducing scene he, Dr. McCoy and Spock sing “Row your boat” around a campfire. Just to show that’s not all about Kirk, Shatner arranges for Uhura and Scotty to have a romantic angle, but all they do is stare at each other longingly between scenes. See Spock? Character development!

So if this movie existed, it would truly take the prize for worst picture ever.

73

My choice of worst film would’ve been less offensive if the cast had put boot polish on their faces, made homophobic jokes and bragged about their paedophilia collections. That could’ve been labelled ‘art’. Thursday has a scene copying the Dennis Hopper/Christopher Walken scene, then the torture scene in Reservoir Dogs, the cleaning up dead bodies in a suburban house before the wife gets home scene, racist and misogynistic dialogue scene, foot massage scene etc. It’s quite possibly the worst of all the pathetic Tarantino rip-offs, and because it treats the viewer like a complete imbecile it’s an offensive pile of trash.

74

The quote would actually be “What does God need with a Starship?”, if that movie were ever made. That would be the only fun thing in the entire script, even though it wouldn’t have been meant to be funny, so you should get it right.

75

I watched about 10 minutes of it on cable before I realized it wasn’t the parody movie. That right there tells me everything I needed to know.

76

I have a friend who refers to the movie as Star Trek V: Shatner Happens.
He refers to the next film as Star Trek VI: The Apology.

I must say one thing in defense of Dungeons and Dragons: As a work of cinematic art, it is, of course, utter garbage. However, as a depiction of a D&D game . . .
Well, I’ve played in worse.
Hell, I’ve refereed worse.

When watching Batman and Robin, one must keep one thing in mind. Joel Schumaker was not making a sequel to the Tim Burton movies. He was making a sequel to the Adam West television series.

My nominee for this thread is Heavenly Bodies.
Two hours of aerobic dancing.
Even the sex scenes were boring.
And I was a hormone-crazed teenager when I made that judgement.

77

Sideways.

Was it well acted? Yes. Was the script on point? Yes. Where the two main characters vile, juvenile, sleazy, unrepentant and totally undeserving of the happy ending they both received? Yes. There was no redemption and no re-evaluation of their behavior. They deserve to be sad and lonely losers for all of their natural lives but that does not happen. I can’t believe I spent a little over two hours with those two assholes.

78

Oh, and I just watched the 2014 Godzilla. What a stupid movie. Just. . . stupid. I can’t even beginning to describe the stupidity of this mercury drinking, lead chip eating movie. I can’t explain the plot without becoming retarded myself but I’ll try.

15 years ago, Walter White and his wife worked in a nuclear power plant in a Japan where everyone speaks English. Seismic waves with no apparent point of origin knock down the cooling towers, forcing Walter White to lock his wife in the plant making this his worth birthday ever.

15 years pass and Walter White’s kid grows up to be an Unchanning Tatum military explosive expert who doesn’t blow things up-- he unblows things up. This will come in handy later when he needs to disarm a nuclear bomb meant to kill two semi-mothras that eat nuclear energy. They do this by chomping on nuclear subs in the jungle.

Meanwhile, a Japanese scientist believes Godzilla will return balance to nature, like a dinosaur Jedi. Then the movie turns really dark. As in maybe-if-we-film-this-in-the-lowest-light-possible-no-one-will-notice-Godizlla-looks-like-Godzooky kind of dark.

There are lost children who have mommy radar and can find them in city-sized rubble. Not one but two of them. There are school buses shelled by the military that Godzilla uses his own body to shield. Godzilla dies a few times but revives for no damned reason.

But it isn’t the worst movie in the world. Godzilla does shoot lasers out of his mouth. See, now I’m stupid too.

79

I’m basically disqualified by the OP’s stipulation (1): “Please confine yourself to movies you’ve actually seen”. However – can I request a dispensation for outlining things, if I withhold the name of the cinematic opus concerned?

It is generally reckoned to be one of the greatest films ever made, and innumerable people (many of whom I know, and whose taste I respect) rave and drool over it. However: I’m not basically a film-junkie, but long ago, was friends for a few years (the friendship ended with some acrimony) with someone who was a film-buff of the most flamboyant, conceited, up-themself kind. This person was forever putting me down and high-hatting me with their film passion, and with how despicable I was for not being passionately into films, the way they were. The film classic concerned – and its chief character – were their two absolutely top worship-objects re said passion for cinematic art; and friend had a way of endlessly spouting quotes from this film, in the particular accent affected by the chief character. We parted company; but even before we did, I swore a solemn oath that never, ever in my life, would I watch this particular fucking film; and I haven’t, and won’t. (Barring brief clips, not of my own volition.)

(I don’t think it’s the worst film ever made: just, because of the associations described above – if I were to see it, I would expect to vomit non-stop from start to finish.)

80

I like the comment on Honest Trailers —