Cook County Assessor's Office Should Be Fired, Banished to Wilderness

The BBQ Pit
1

October 2013: I filed some ‘Certificates of Error’ because the description of my property was wrong. The square footage was off, and put my house in a higher tax category than it should have been.

You can go back 3 years on that, so I did, filing Certificates of Error for 2010, 2011, and 2012.

The helpful woman at the township office warns me the process can take months.

No problem. It’s bureaucracy.

After a few months, I call back. She contacts her ‘guy’ at the county, who tells her no, it can take up to TWO YEARS. Two years of hoping people forget or die, I guess.

Time passes. My wife dies. Hey! The county is halfway there!

October 2015: Nothing has happened. I contact the woman at the township. She says, “two years? It’s only supposed to be a few months!” :smack:

“Do you have the paperwork?” Yes, I do. I’m sure they’re frustrated by that, because that’s probably how they stop most people, but I have the paperwork. I fax it to her.

THEY FUCKING LOST THE CASE. THEY HAVEN’T DONE ANYTHING BECAUSE THEY LOST EVERYTHING.

So we start again. I notice, at this point, that ‘the guy’ in the (assessor’s office? someone under Joseph Berrios?) is being protected from me - she intentionally keeps his identity secret. I have no way to contact anyone but her.

January 2016: I get a call from my helpful woman at the township. Good news! For 2012, the CoE has been tentatively approved. Bad news: because I had the longterm homeowners’ exemption for 2010 and 2011, they can’t grant me a CoE correction for those years (what?).

February 11, 2016: I get a letter from the county saying that I could be eligible for a refund, but it has to be approved by a judge, but I need to prove I paid my taxes in 2012.

I HAVE TO PROVE I PAID MY TAXES TO THE COUNTY ASSESSOR. LIKE THEY DON’T FUCKING KNOW. LIKE THEY WOULDN’T BE SEIZING MY HOUSE AND SELLING IT AT AUCTION TO WHOEVER WOULD BE WILLING TO PAY MY TAXES IF I HADN’T PAID.

No, this isn’t a case of the beast without a head doing something idiotic because they’ve discovered some people get tripped up at this point and then the county doesn’t have to pay out. Nope, I’m sure this helps them prevent genuine fraud.

Fuckers.

The back of the letter helpfully said that my 1098 for the year 2013, when my mortgage company would have paid my 2012 taxes, is great evidence for it.

Sure. It’s not like most people get electronic 1098’s that are subsequently lost whenever they get a new laptop or whatever. This is genuine government diligence protecting honest taxpayers from fraudsters.

Fucking fuckers.

Whatever. My credit union was still old school in 2014, and I found the 1098 for 2013, which shows tax payments for 2012.

February 12, 2016: I sent a copy of the letter and my 1098 to the address they said to.

I wait.

Today, February 24, 2016: After two and a half years of the status of my Certificate of Error at CookCountyAssessor.com saying ‘File Work in Process’ (Ha!) for each of the three years 2010, 2011, and 2012, suddenly the 2012 one says

C of E Description:Residential Homeowner Non Cooperative
Comments:Certificate of Error has been adjudicated by the Cook County Circuit Court.

What the FUCKING FUCK!?

All of Cook County’s Assessor’s Office needs to eat shit, quit their jobs, and go off into the wilderness, because they are not competent to be in society. The eating shit is so that an example may be made of them. People won’t see their suffering beyond the city walls, so won’t be motivated to amend their ways.

2

Obviously, you were not on a mission from God.

3

I don’t know anything about any of this, but that sounds like some seriously Kafkaesque bureaucratic bullshit to me. Is there any chance you could take them to court for incompetence, stress caused, time wasted, or money owed?

4

How about it. I was going to ask if you sprinted madly for the elevator, had a leisurely ride (Girl From Impanema was it?), then a mad dash for the office when the elevator stopped.
(Sorry for your plight, but thanks for the Blues Bros. joke opportunity.)

5

I guess you’re really up shit creek.

6

If the shit fits, wear it.

(Scoot over, goddammit!)

7

You should ask the assessor’s office for a record of your paying your taxes. If they don’t have that, ask them to produce the record that you didn’t pay your taxes. Barring that, ask them for a record that they have no record.

You know, just to fuck with them.

8

The assessor was probably out making movies somewhere.

9

Uh, bup, I think we got a little problem here.

10

I’ve only ever seen pieces of The Blues Brothers, so most of these references are flying right over me.

Tithonius, I don’t know how to go about making trouble for them. It’s probably not worth the $540 they owe me to do that. That’s probably what they count on, too.

Tomorrow I will be able to talk to the woman at the township (who only works Thursdays) and see what recourse I have.

11

Wait, are they saying that you, the residential homeowner, are not being cooperative? Or is that some kind of description of the property type, like, it’s a residential property where the homeowner is not a “cooperative” (I don’t know what that might mean … a trust or corporation or something, maybe?) and it just happens to sound insulting? Sorry if this is a stupid question, but I found myself a bit confused. Originally I was thinking it meant you didn’t show up for a court hearing they never informed you about. Is that accurate?

Sorry this is happening to you, in any case.

12

Well, there’s this. But if you’re not connected in Cook County, you’re pretty muched Fucked.

13

I believe it is saying that I am not being cooperative. They’ve tried their darned-tootinest to get me my money, but what can they do with such a man as me, who won’t be the slightest bit helpful?

I talked with a friend of mine who’s an attorney that practices in Cook County, and he commiserated, but essentially said, “It’s Chinatown, Jake.”

14

Sounds like Cook County.

Unless you know somebody, nothing is going to go your way.

Stinks, though.

15

I believe you’re misinterpreting the entry, and that **chorpler **had the answer for you. The phrase “Non Cooperative” is not intended to reflect your attitude towards the proceedings; it’s to reflect the fact that your property is not a cooperative, which have different filing rules. See the Cook County Assessor’s Office FAQ: there are separate sections for ‘Residential Appeals Questions’ and ‘Cooperative Property Appeals Questions’.

16

“You are such a disappointing pair. I prayed so hard for you! It saddens and hurts me that the two young men whom I raised to believe in the Ten Commandments have returned to me as two thieves, with filthy mouths and bad attitudes.
Get out, and don’t come back until you’ve redeemed yourselves!”

17

You could console yourself by acknowledging that it could be worse.

18

In an ideal world you would be able to stop paying them future tax until the difference has been made up. Or go to small claims court with proof of the error just like you could with any other business.

19

Government “workers” so not surprising.

20

I know it’s in French, but voici la maison qui rend fou (the house which drives you mad).

Asterix and Obelix must obtain a certificate from Roman bureaucracy. After a bit of up and down, Asterix hits upon the idea of asking the bureaucrat for a nonexistent piece of paper…