I’m sorry, but the idea of eating penis-shaped pasta has me totally skeeved.
I’ve seen chocolate, well, vulvas in some store; on a stick even. Lolly-twat? I’m not sure what it’s called. Anyway, I like diving into the muff as much as anybody, but that sort of thing also gives me the skeeves.
Eating genitalia in effigy just makes me kinda shudder.
I propose you use some of the aforementioned dishes that, you know, suggest sexual organs, rather than being graphic representations of them. Oysters and tacos, wieners and salamis - good poontang and tubesteak impersonators without being too realistic.
Now, BinaryDrone, if the good Doctor were trying to impress one or more of the attending bachelorettes into not being a bachelorette, then your suggestion would certainly have merit. But seeing as the reason that he’s in this situation is that he’s already succeeded at said task, I’d say that the humor angle is appropriate.
But if he absolutely must have patè, well, that can be molded into shape.
Well, of course penis pasta salad and jello shooters is crass and inelegant binarydrone. We are, after all, a group of women who chase each other around the clinic with dead wildlife, tease each other about penis-extrusion skills, and harass one of the lesbians about the time she had carpet burn on her upper lip. Crass and inelegant suits us fine, especially on a night of getting drunk and buying sex toys.
So far, our menu appears to consist of beer-can chicken (it’s dreadfully yummy, and the guest of honor is dying to try the recipe), roast corn on the cob, penis pasta salad, a tossed green salad, caramel-apple cheesecake (we luuuuuurrrrrves us some cheesecake), and booze. Lots of booze.
We could use some more side dishes, and probably another dessert (a cheesecake or two will NOT hold this group for an entire evening). Simple recipes are better–this group is so domestically declined that I look like Martha frickin’ Stewart, and that’s just sad. (They’re impressed with my ability to put chopped romaine, red onion, cheese, almonds, and cranberries in a bowl, fercryinoutloud.) No fungus among us, please, and no asparagus. The former is just icky, and the latter tastes the way a liver failure dog’s pee smells.
Take a chicken. Hold it neck up and tail down. Open a can of beer. Insert the can into the chicken’s cavity, so that you can set the can down and the chicken will “stand upright”. Place in oven. As the beer in the can boils, it marinates the chicken. Also, serves as the source of a lot of vulgar jokes.
Back to the thread:
A local chocolate shop used to sell molds for making “Dolly Partons”. Basically a chocolate-covered cherry, but with two cherrys.
I read the whole “Emily Post” posts to a co-worker, and he is now gasping for breath. What fun!
[Martha Stewart voice] And for a added twist, melt some chocolate–both white and dark work, but melt them separately–and pour them into the penis-shaped ice cube molds to make an attractive, tasty food that also looks like a dick.
Y’all should be aware that at the sex toy parties I’ve been to, the presenter sells penis pasta, jello-dick molds and the like. And you don’t want to upstage.
I recommend chocolate fondue. Alongside the bananas, strawberries, peaches and slices of pound cake, make a casual arrangement of paintbrushes.
If you’ve already ordered the penis-shaped cake, and decide to go “tasty and attractive,” you can turn it into a bunny by slicing it halfway down lengthwise, making bunny ears. I learned this on a episode of Friends from Ross. “Would it help if I scraped the baby’s face off the penis so you could put it on the bunny? God, that was a weird sentence.”