Cool game but I don't understand the rules.

The BBQ Pit
1

Look…

I’m happy to help or offer advice when you ask it. I don’t know why I should, having gone through everything you put me through these past two years, but it’s my nature and I’d feel a right prick if I didn’t.

So when you’re brake calliper siezed, I expalined the problem and offered a reliable automotive shop. When the repair estimate was provided by the garage I was happy to look it over and save your dopey boyfriend a few hundered dollars on the repair. You were so pleased that you took the time to show me the fixed brakes, while dopey sat uselessly in the car.

That bike computer problem, like the chain I replaced and the gears I adjusted 'cuz dopey can’t find the right end of the wrench with both hands was another friendly jesture. Not 'cuz you deserve it but because I can’t bring myself to be mean spirited. And yeah, I took a little joy in the fact that dopey milled about trying to see why you were standing too close to me without appearing like he was worried that you were standing too close to me.

How 'bout every time I agree to accomodate your weekend race schedule so you don’t have to cart the kids around at 4am to get to your races.

And, And, And…

So when I ask you to please be back in time to pick up the kids Sunday evening so that I can make my early morning swim, would it kill you to at least make an attempt to return just one little favour? Would it? Without asking me how long I’ve been swimming on Mondays? I haven’t, alright! And you know it! Not that it’s any of your business what I do with my time but I’m trying to step up my swim program and I’ve been avoiding Mondays 'cuz I damn well know you’re going to be in the pool as well. Must I spell everything out for you? I AM AVOIDING YOU.

And yes, I could get the kids up at 5am to drop them off at your house and still make my swim but I’m just not that self centered. The kids come first and it’s a school day. They need their rest. Maybe you can justify it to yourself when you do it. It doesn’t suprise me. You’ve justified things far worse, in my opinion, but I’m not built that way. So don’t tell me what I can do, how I can do it, and certainly don’t tell me you are trying to help. Helping, would be getting your sorry ass home in time to take the kids the night before. What you’re doing is the opposite of helping.

So ya, too bad you fell and banged up your knee in the race. Looks like it hurts, but you’ll recover. Of course, the race would have been over by 9am and it looks like it was over a bit sooner for you. So what was the reason you couldn’t make it back in time? Oh yeah, 'cuz it’s all about you and you just give a damn.

So fuck you very much. Selfish little bitch. :mad:

2

Thank you, my boy. I was just going to pit my soon-to-be ex for general purposes when I saw you had something similar going. I’m so totally in agreement with this OP on a spiritual level that right now I’m doing that mouth opening/closing thing, trying to find the words to apply to my personal minion from hell. Selfish Little Bitch. Yeah, that really is the crux of all the little tales of woe, horror and hurt.

Mine came by last night for a visit and to pick up the kids (3 hours late with no explanation by the way). We had a civil chat about where she was at earlier this year with the whole extramarital/Inigo-cruelty thing. “You’re a terrific guy, I just don’t want to be part of a committed marriage anymore. Life’s too short.” Yes, very philosophical. An idea I could have gotten behind too…had you done things in a slightly different order. You selfish, manipulative, lying, cheating little bitch.

3

Quicksilver, it doesn’t sound like you’re looking for advice (mostly just venting, I would guess) but I’m going to offer some anyway - stop doing things for her you don’t have to do. She’s not your problem any more. It kinda sounds like you’re getting something out of helping her that you really don’t need. You’re not in competition with Dopey the Boyfriend - he won. It’s over. Let it go.

If she were a woman with integrity, she wouldn’t be asking you for these things, but it doesn’t sound like she is, so you have to have the integrity for both of you, and the right thing to do is to tell her politely and firmly that you can’t help her any more.

4

Inigo Montoya: Yeah. Kindred souls we are. :slight_smile:

featherlou: I was just venting but good advice is always appreciated. Thanks much. Seems I’m always trying to buy a little credit for future consideration like when I need her to be accomodating for me with the kid’s schedule. I’m realizing she’s going to have a selective memory about it. And yeah, anything I can do to irritate dopey the boyfriend still gives me a childish thrill. :smiley:

5

Just my opinion but I’d call Quicksilver the winner.

6

I was about to say the same thing- Sounds like he unloaded a selfish bitch on some dopey guy. He’s definately the winner here.

7

Hey, wait, we’re talking about triathletes here, correct? Because if that’s true, I could have told you that dating a tri-geek was your first, largest, most important, and only mistake.

Fricken’ tri-geeks.

8

Dating?! :eek:

I fucking went and married the tart. :smack:

Well, she wasn’t a tri-geek until the last few years of the marriage. The worst years as it turned out.

9

Excellent point. Okay, how about “It’s over - he’s got her, and she’s his to deal with now.”?

10

Mmmm-hmmmmm… tri-geekiness=the worst years.

I’m warning all of you right now. Just do the cycling.

Here’s hoping that your relationship manages to work out a bit better in the future.

11

I’m curious about how you’ve come by this knowledge. I must admit, it’s not the first time I’ve been given the knowing nod and wink about this particular equation.

12

I used to do this. Try to accomodate weekends where my ex wanted to switch so the kids could be there on family birthdays, let him cancel at the last minute, pick up the full cost of our daughter’s prescription copays…

…thing is…he never reciprocated. So, of late, if there’s something he wants, (“can you keep the kids this weekend? Bimbo of the week and I are going out of town. Oh, and no, I can’t afford to help with first born male child’s braces.”) he better be prepared to offer equal time for the kids, or he’s SOL.

13

Hmmmm… I’ve yet to try to cash in my credit chips. I wonder if they’re like vacations days… user them or lose them after X period of time.

14

Be prepared for a great deal of outrage on her part.

15

Tell the bitch that she either comes home early or you can’t look after the kids. If these are mutual children, its hard, but you have to put your damn foot down and ask why the hell her parents can’t look after them on the Sunday evening. Or why Mr Dopey is incapable of baby-sitting while she goes off to her races. Or better yet, tell her that she has kids and needs to get her priorities in order. Races and come home early. Or no races at all. If she refuses to give up racing or get home early, whats stopping you from fighting for full custody?

And no, full custody will not help the monday morning swimming debacle but its an idea and it’d sure piss her off.
Or you could just swin on another morning :smiley:

16

Yikes. NO, look after the kids. It’s annoying, but on the other hand, you get to look after the kids, while she’s off with dopey or her displaced bulimia.

Under no circumstances should you encourage some incompetent and unwilling jack-off who is to be in charge of your kids.

This, however, is an excellent idea.

And those credit chips, along with $1.25 (around here) will get you one ride on the bus, within city limits.

17

I know you meant well, but…

I’m not going to use my children as a wedge or weapon to get what I want/need. Never have. Not going to start now.

Neither of our parents/family lives anywhere nearby.

Again, my kids, my responsibility.

I’ve tried that line of logic. It hasn’t met with much success as you can probably tell.

She’s a good mom. The kids aren’t being abandoned or neglected. It’s me she’s taking advantage of, not them.

Oh, I know all her buttons. Unfortunately she knows all of mine.

I do. I’m just trying to step up my training and early mornings are the best time for me.

18

I would suggest to you that your ex doesn’t acknowledge that you even have any credit chips. In other words, you doing stuff for her is business as usual, and therefore taken for granted.

19

(bolding mine)
Not so much a “selective memory” as you are not “buying credit”. As featherlou pointed out, it’s business as usual for Ex-Silver. To HER, you aren’t building up goodwill or a sense of obligation in her - you’re giving her what she deserves and still assumes is hers to have.
I second the pieces of advice that featherlou has given :
Don’t continue to do her favors that don’t affect your kids. Needs the car fixed? Not your problem. Needs a new vacuum cleaner? Not your problem. She’s living with Dopey now, let him take care of it. If he can’t, oh well, it’s her loss, and not your problem.

Favors for her that involve your kids are obviously your call to make, but don’t assume that any favors done for her are viewed either as “favors”, “credits”, “bargaining chips” or “obligations” in her eyes. In her mind, they’re seen as “what you do” or “what’s owed to her”.

20

I salute you for this.