Never pass up an opportunity to pee.
If at first you don’t succeed, curse and quit.
I’ll add another Homerism: “And the lesson is, never try.”
“Piss poor planning produces piss poor performance.” aka the seven P’s.
-Related to me by my father as an old Army saying.
More Army saws:
“If it moves, salute it; if it doesn’t, pick it up; if you can’t pick it up, paint it.”
“Never run when you can walk; never walk when you can ride; never stand when you can sit; never sit when you can lie down; when you can lie down, go to sleep.”
“Don’t volunteer for nuthin’.”
“In Basic Training, you’re doing fine if your Drill Sergeant has to look at your name tag to remember who you are.”
A Spanish proverb:
“Take what you want,” says God. “Take what you want… and pay for it.”
I don’t know the Russian, but a Siberian peasant proverb I like (particularly true when you consider the history of their country): You must learn to pray to God without offending the devil.
Several from POOR RICHARD’S ALMANACK (few if any original to Franklin, though he improved many):
He that lives upon Hope, dies farting.
Force shites on reason’s back. (Used as a sig by one Doper here.)
Now I’ve a sheep and a cow, every body bids me good morrow.
Creditors have better memories than debtors.
Most of the Lazarus Long sayings.
"“If you were taught that elves caused rain, every time it rained, you’d see
the proof of elves.” Ariex (does anybody know who Ariex was/is? Philosopher? Fictional character? Animaniac? Bueller Bueller…)
“Religious belief is not a precondition either of ethical conduct or of happiness.”
Dalai Lama, Ethics for the New Millennium
“Confucius say, nothing will ever succeed like a bird with no teeth.” (Benny Hill)
A Spanish proverb: *Contigo, pan y ceboola;" “with you, bread an onion,” meaning ïf I am with you, all I need to sustain myself besides that is bread and onion."
WNUR, the Northwestern University radio station, has an African music show on the weekends, and they always have the Proverb of the Week, with explanations. It’s a neat window into another culture, though I can’t think of any of the ones I’ve heard at the moment.
Dammit, need more coffee; that should be “Contigo, pan y cebolla.”
My favorite Spanish proverb, which I am told is Peruvian:
Con pacencia y saliva
Un elephante chingó una hormiga
With patience and spit,
An elphant f****d an ant
(that is, anything is possible if you work at it)
Not a proverb, exactly, but my sig contains words to live by:
I quote this one all the time since I read it years ago on a big banner in the Boeing Helicopter engineering department:
“Life is tough, It’s tougher when you’re stupid.”
-John Wayne
I think I’ll have it on my tombstone, since I’m pretty sure my stupidity will be the death of me.
Put all your eggs in one basket . . . and watch that basket!
– Mark Twain
El pes por la boca muere - "a fish dies due to (or because of) its mouth.
Basically, think before opening your mouth. (My dad had a habit of catching me out when I was lying. :D)
“I’ll find Fry’s coffin, get his corpse, and keep it under my mattress to remind me that he’s really dead. That’ll prove I’m not insane!”~Leela, of Futurama
“Everyone’s always in favour of saving Hitler’s brain. But when you put it in the body of a great white shark, ooohh! Suddenly you’ve gone too far!”
“Oh, they say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad. And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters, atomic supermen with octagonal shaped bodies that suck blood…”
Both quotes from the wisdom of Professor Hugo T. Farnsworth.
That’s my favorite episode of anything of all time.
Similar quote: It’s not a sin to be stupid, but it’s mighty unhandy.
my own favorite:
When in darkness or in doubt:
run in circles, scream and shout.
:eek:
If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Nothing succeeds like a budgie with no teeth.
Cougars each have distinct territories. Dogs run together in packs.
http://www.predatorconservation.org/predator_info/Forest_Clearinghouse/Cougar/cougar1-4.htm
Which reminds me of a Japanese proverb:
A man away from home has no neighbors.
Meaning personal behavor can occur with much less concern regarding repercussions.