This one wins the thread. I must have this shirt immediately.
I am your mom’s favorite.
(Picture of shaft) Shut up, honkey!
I may be drunk, but you’re ugly, and I’ll be sober tomorrow. (channeling Winston.)
Don’t turn her away, turn her around! (off the radio in Dallas)
Remember my name, your daughter will be screaming it later.
You don’t own space, so stop acting like you do! (I saw this as a poster from ATHF)
I slept my way to where I am!
-slapaho-
I think this is available from cafepress, but I couldn’t find it. Homer Simpson has one, that’s a good enough endorsement for me.
At work:
I Read Your Email
Socially:
I’m not really this tall; I’m sitting on my wallet.
These are more like the one I have.
Ain’t it cute?
I’m going to make my brother this shirt. He mentioned to me that he saw on the Simpsons a picture of a devilish Uncle Sam taking a bite out of the world, and the caption says:
Hilarious!
This is what I get for not reading all the past posts first :smack:
And I checked on cafepress, no such luck. 
I’ve got one in my cafepress shop that I ordered for myself:
This t-shirt says something different when you’re not looking.
I also have:
Have a day. (Accompanied by a smiley face with a straight mouth.)
I was in a class in college where there was a guy who always, by coincidence, ended up wearing a t-shirt that had something to do with the day’s lecture. (He was an honest guy, and would’ve fessed up if he and the teacher were in cahoots).
The day of the final, he comes in with a leather jacket on. Everyone’s waiting to see what the shirt of the day is.
He unzips the jacket, and it’s plain white on the front.
On the back, it says:
“Let the f*cking begin!”
Over this picture, I ironed on the line “Frank Burns Eats Worms.”
Nobody gets it.
“COLLEGE”
“DEATH BEFORE DISCO”
“How’s your wife and my kids?”
Not safe for work, though it’s a Saturday might as well be careful: http://www.kodesex.com/
Only problem with these is, hoping they get popular enough…
This is a pretty good t-shirt idea.
You can get one from J-List that says (in Japanese characters) “Dumb Foreigner.” I might get one of those. I suspect that’s what a lot of those asian tattoos say.
Funny/intelligent tees
Tees to attract women- best go to those sites where you can get replicas of t-shirts worn by famous people.
When I was really young my dad got me a shirt that said “Nothing Phases A Ceramic Engineer” and had some sort of design on it (my dad said it was a phase diagram? Something sciencey). I wore that shirt till I was about 23 (it was mysteriously lost, I believe stolen) but quite a few engineers would stop and talk to me.
But as with Antigen’s shirt-the lettering was across my boobs so maybe that had something to do with it.
My girlfriend bought me this shirt too. I really like it, but the only attention it ever got me was the occasional, “Oh, what a cute shirt!” from a few friends. I’ll be honest…it’s not the kind of shirt I would normally wear, but I think it’s funny.
My favorite shirt I ever owned, though, was stolen from my locker in high school. It was a cartoon of a rather schizophrenic-looking hotdog in his bun checking the mail. He was opening a letter that said “You may already be a wiener!”
God, I miss that shirt. It was invaluable for breaking the ice at a new high school. Good times.