Velma,
So now, four years hence, has the Evil that lived in the Cooler of Death® evolved into something we should squirt a waterhose on? Or take more drastic action, like sending a nice note in blue-black ink to Wichita for assistance? And did you ever find another cooler as useful as that one?
PS-I ran across this while weeding out my bookmarks today. I enjoyed the drama.
PPS-Wichita is where Coleman is located, who presumably made the Cooler of Death®.
The Cooler has ascended to a higher plane of being, no doubt.
Squirting water on it will only make it angry, whatever it is.
Take off and nuke the cooler from orbit, etc.
Why do we always have to send the bombs all the way into orbit and then all the way back to their Earthly target? Why not just send the offending target itself into orbit? Seriously people, sometimes I wonder.
We have to do it because it’s the only way to be sure, obviously, duh!
Wow, has it been four years already? Let me think about what the Cooler has wrought.
Well, maybe the Evil is biding its time but I haven’t seen or heard much. Unless The Evil is what is cursing our lawn and plants. Weeds grow like…well, weeds, and plants I want to grow seem to die off. If it has some sort of spirit that prevents projects from getting finished, that would explain a lot too.
The dog that drank The Evil is still alive and well and seems to have the same level of evilness as always. She has that shifty-eyed look about her sometimes though. Hopefully nothing is posessing her like some sort of Voldemort. (Edited to add: I actually did squirt her the other day to get her to stop barking and she really, really did not like that. She hid under a table for the rest of the night.)
We still have The Cooler, it is in the garage but has never since been used to my knowledge. Maybe I should take another peek in there sometime. I don’t think The Evil would return to it again though, too obvious.
We have several other coolers now but none of them holds a dear place in my heart.
Well, we could leave the nuke right next to it, then take ourselves to orbit and set off the nuke. No point in bringing the nuke up if we are just going to send it down. (except for that cool whistling noise, I really like that part)
Sidebar: A friend just told us about a cooler that follows you around so you’re never more than an arm’s length away from your beer.
This is such a great invention! 
What? They’ve commercialised The Luggage?
I must get one. To go with my taser-equipped Roomba.
Have you done a soil test? There may be a Plume of Evil migrating through your subsoil.
Are there any perpetually-unsuccessful store locations near you, whose tenants continually change, but never last more than a few months? Have any new subdivisions been abandoned halfway through? Is one particular neighbourhood road inexplicably rough at one point? Any streams in odd colours?
My friend tells us you carry a homing chip of some sort in your pocket and the beer follows you around the pool, through the forest preserve, and so forth. I can’t picture it being any good on sand, but maybe they put tank treads on it or something. Any way you slice it, it’s one less thing to carry and it creates the illusion of the beer loving you as much as you love it!
Ah, Eddie Izzard should so be viewing this thread . . . Cooler . . . of DEATH!
Impossible!
Oh, yeah. (finished my first Pratchett this week. I need the Luggage, dammit!)
Actually, shouldn’t it have been, “The Cooler of Life”?
Velma,
Glad to hear the you’re not infested with demons or anything. I hear dry cleaning bills go up dramatically during demon season.