Oh dear, another person wanting and not wishing 
I’ll let the puppet masters know. You may get downloaded to one of the clone bodies for a nice long chat, but don’t expect to remember any of it.
Next wish:
It has been done.
Too bad that your printer will always lack toner and your e-mail applications will always mangle your text.
I wish that the people I asked for a firm commitment on my MA Thesis had given me that commitment by now.
They did. They got it put into the envelope with all the other ads in your local coupon mailer package. Oh, and used a variety of invisible ink to print their message over a four-color printed coupon. It showed up three weeks ago, and you’ll have to heat each coupon carefully to find the message.
I hope you procrastinate on taking out the recycling and/or the trash.
I wish I had a dishwasher in my apartment.
His name is Bert, and he most certainly scrubs your dishes to a nice mirror shine. He’s also a 48 year old alcoholic, womanizer and smoker who leaves dirty ashtrays all over your apartment and ogles any female friends/SOs that you bring over, and downloads hardcore beastiality pics off your computer when you are at work.
I wish that I would catch a baseball (fair or foul) at the next major league baseball game that I go to.
You catch it right after it bounces off your mouth (taking out all your teeth) and hits your wrist (shattering the bones) and it lands in your crotch (twisting your testicles).
I wish I could find the 1972 Tarot Rock Calendar, complete with the cards.
Done. You find the exact Tarot Rock Calendar you’re looking for, in pristine condition. It has the cards too but the previous owner’s toddler smeared every one of them with jelly from his mid-morning PB&J snack – after you paid for them.
I wish I could enlarge the text size on this computer.
You can, but only by changing the text into pale yellow letters on a white background. Hello, chronic eyestrain!
I wish our guinea pigs’ poop wasn’t so smelly.
.
Oh it has that clean and minty-fresh Certs-like smell, but irrecovably sticks to everything it touches.
I wish the next woman I date is relentlessly honest with me.
[Yes I know-zombie-but this was a fun game while it happened, so please don’t kill it.]
Too easy! She’s honest with everyone else, too, and now everyone knows the cute pet name you gave your wiener. 
I wish red meat was healthy for me!
However it’s unhealthy for everyone else and has been banned.
I wish my wife made better cake than she does.
Had a choice thanks to this post, went with this because of the title.
Bing. She makes herself into a woman-shaped cake. Mmm vanilla frosting…
I wish Donald Trump never existed.
Instead, we have the zombie of Miilard Filmore running the country.
I wish this thread could be closed due to excessive age. 