You lose 100 pounds, but they all come from your vital organs, not from excess body fat. Off to the morgue with you.
I wish Hitler had died as a starving artist in Vienna.
[edit] AARRGGHH.
Well, Elendil’s Heir had the same basic idea, so oh well.
That he does, but in 1955 the USSR and the West fight their version of WW2 (with the anemic Weimar Republic caught in the middle), and, without Hiroshima and Nagasaki to serve as warnings of the horrors of nuclear weapons, they nuke the entire planet to cinders.
I wish that the nearest extant Ivory-Billed Woodpecker would fly to my apartment, perch on the nearest tree for 5 minutes, and thus allow me to get its picture. And if none shows up then that proves the buggers truly are extinct.
Damn, beat to the punch on Wargamer’s wish. I’m gonna post mine anyway. See, he didn’t wish to lose 100 pounds – that’s too easily foiled. He wished for the willpower to lose 100 pounds. My answer addresses that: “Done. Unfortunately, it turns out that in your case it really is a glandular problem, and willpower makes no difference.”
During that five minutes, the extant Ivory-Billed Woodpecker pecks throught the tree, making it fall and crush both your house AND your camera.
I wish to have a sit down dinner with famous and recluse authors J D Salinger and Thomas Pynchon (I’ll discuss Richard Farina with the latter)
Ooooo, look! There the bird is, and it’s beautiful, and it allows you to take its picture. Unfortunately, your camera’s battery is dead. By the time you frantically rummage around your home and at last find a new battery, the bird has flown off. You spend the rest of your life trying to convince everyone you actually saw an Ivory-Billed Woodpecker, and die decades later, still frustrated, embittered and mocked by your fellow birders.
Annie, Salinger and Pynchon arrive for the meal but are soon roaring drunk and spend the whole night insulting you in a very non-literary way. You can’t get a word in edgewise.
I wish everyone else’s benign wishes came true, but only in ways that didn’t hurt anyone, destroy civilization or end humanity.
I could live with that. The film I make of the event would set records on youtube.
For trying to foil his fun, God makes you have a stroke before you can finish making your wish.
I wish I would get hired at my dream job.
You’re hired, but it turns out you had a total misconception of what that job entails. Before you know it, you’re locked into a 20-year contract and hate hate hate going to work in the morning. Suicide soon begins to look like a decent option.
I wish all non-evil suicidal people would find something or someone to give them hope, and then go on to lead full, wonderful lives.
I think not. When they realize you’re filming them, they destroy your camera and kill you with their dinner forks.
Granted. It makes no difference though since good and evil exist in everyone.
I wish to have fabulous sex with my SO when I get home tonight.
You do, but suffer a massive coronary and die before coming, traumatizing your SO and ruining the rest of his/her life.
I wish the Catholic Church would finally confront the priest-abuse scandals, permit priests to marry, permit female clergy, drop its objection to contraception, and open its books to independent scrutiny.
[Party Pooper Warning]
Isn’t it often true that the worst thing that could happen to you is that you Get What You Wished For? Or the best thing that could happen to you is some dire tragedy which ends up teaching you something vital about yourself?
Okay back to the Fun…
Catholic hierarchy now have confronted the scandalous abuse of priests. The rest will require additional wishes, because each is a miracle.
I wish to win first prize in all the produce categories at the local fair.
deleted.
You win first prize in all the produce categories. Then the plug is pulled on your life-support system, because no human should have to live as a vegetable.
I wish I had an idea for an AMV.
Done. The idea you come up with is considered shocking and sacriligeous to 3 major world faiths, illegal in 137 countries and a price is put on your head. The rest of your life is spent on the run attempting to escape the billions of people who now wish to see you dead.
I wish I had a good cup of coffee.
You now have a good cup–stripes in your favorite colors. However, the coffee is terrible.
I wish I had a good cup with good coffee in it.
Just as the cup reaches your lips and you savor the aroma of the most wonderful cup of coffee ever brewed, you spill it all over your favorite pair of pants.
I wish I secretly and undetectibly had the power to make money.
You have a good cup of coffee. The other people are saying how fantastic the coffee they have is. All the coffee people are drinking has turned into fantastic coffee.
I wish for power over the elements.
You can now do that at a rate of one piece of currency every century.
I wish for power over the elements.