Probably a good idea.
Don’t know about other States (though assume they’re the same), but in Hawaii you can look up the status (charges, court date, attorneys, judge, etc.) of local civil and criminal cases online through the State website. Everything from traffic violations to divorce to murder. The info is updated daily and you can also purchase copies of the court documents. This is how I knew that my sister’s son served time for drugs, firing a gun and domestic violence.
There’s also sites where you can see who’s in jail and that’s how I know (I only talk to my sister during our annual dinner) that he’s currently out.
I don’t think that’s a bad idea at all. A quick consolation shouldn’t be that expensive and they can tell give you what the local DA is likely to do.
I haven’t had criminal issues, but I have had civil issues that talking to my attorney really helped clarify potential courses of action. Talking to an attorney can give you a lot of confidence.
This typo is on point.
Damn autocorrect. Ha ha.
Be grateful you’re not a resident of Georgia; in my jurisdiction, they probably would have arrested both of you.
Your concern for your GF is admirable. But you have to leave her alone until this is resolved. That’s the best and safest course for you and for her.
Domestic abuse is a significant problem in our society and law enforcement – finally – takes it seriously. (They didn’t used to.) Law enforcement also understands it’s an equal opportunity offense. They likewise know the process of calling 911 can be weaponized against people the complainant disagrees with, which sounds like what they figured out in the course of answering this call.
Anger can take you places you never intended to be. We are still responsible for the consequences, however unintended.
The very best thing you can do for yourself and your GF is to tend to your own patch here. Getting some therapy or at least talking this over with expert assistance – a doctor, a lawyer, a counselor, a pastor, even – can be useful. It’s not just the incident and the consequences of it but what happened to bring this set of circumstances about to begin with. You want to learn the greater lesson in all of this and move forward. Whether that is with your GF or not remains to be seen but you need to think of it in terms of what is healthy and good for both of you and most of all yourself. It’s not an issue right now and shouldn’t be until you’re clear in your mind and free to make decisions. Right now you’re not.
Good luck to the both of you as this process plays out. Let us know how you’re doing, please.
Jenny
your humble TubaDiva
restarted therapy today and it went well
Glad to hear it. Rooting for you in a rough time. :o
This. That she threw a phone at him or left scratch marks on him is really unimportant. The important thing is that she attacked him and then tried to have him thrown in jail (which means prosecution, a criminal record, with any luck his picture in the local paper designating him as a wife beater, etc…).
I’m willing to accept the phone throwing as something emotional (although I have difficulties dealing with short-tempered people). But the calling the police part was heinous. I’d stay as far away as I could from such a person. He’s lucky to not be the one facing trial this time, he shouldn’t push his luck. Who knows for what he’ll be arrested next time. Rape? Attempted murder? Or will he instead find all his stuff and his car destroyed when coming back home? Or will some anonymous person call his employer to warn him that he’s an embezzler?
I was thinking if I had said to the cops “I want a lawyer” and said nothing to them, would that have led to me getting arrested? I think so. At the time it did not occur to me to clam up and say nothing. My first time ever talking to cops like this so I was not thinking it through with logic.
I can only say the following with absolute certainty for my state but I would guess that in your state it would be the same or very similar.
When there is an unwitnessed by police assault and it doesn’t rise to the level of a felony then no arrest is made and both parties would have the opportunity to sign complaints.
When there is a relationship present that would make it fall under domestic violence statutes then mandatory arrests come into play. That doesn’t mean that every possible situation that can fall under domestic violence means a mandatory arrest. Because it doesn’t. But one of the main conditions that would lead to a mandatory arrest is if there are visible signs of injury. So the number one factor that lead to her arrest was that you had visible signs of injury. I can’t know for sure but there is an excellent chance that things would have gone exactly the same way whether you talked or not.
Just my opinion but the fact that you are still, um, beating yourself up about this means your head is still in the wrong place. She escalated it into a physical confrontation, she injured you, she called the cops to try and get you in trouble. You did nothing wrong by telling the truth. Let it play out and worry about yourself.
Lost of jumping to conclusions here. We don’t know with certainty why the GF called the police. Yes, it’s likely it was to get the OP in trouble, but it may also have been, “I’m ready to kill my BF if I don’t get away from him and need to turn myself in before this goes any further!”. “He’s so obsessed with me, unless one of us is taken away by the police, he won’t let me go!”.
Also, we don’t know if the GF has been actually been charged and is in custody or living somewhere else. It seems to me that even if she’s not allowed to contact the OP directly, if she wanted the relationship to continue, she would get a message to him through someone else. If she’s in custody, she would likely have contacted someone, friends or family to assure them she’s all right, even if she may not be in contact with them for a while.
I hope for both parties, that once this is resolved, they both go their separate ways and the OP’s therapy allows him to move on.
Not talking to the police isn’t logical at all as it may have gotten you both arrested. She for the obvious scratches on your face and apparently admitting to throwing the phone at you. You for refusing to cooperate with the police and by lawyering up, suspicion of your being guilty of something more than defending yourself and trying to defuse the situation.
Not necessarily - in my jurisdiction, an order of protection typically forbids third-party contact.
That’s quite common in cases of domestic violence.
she only spent 12 hours in jail. I assume she is with a friend now. There were no scratches on my face, just a few on my arm.
Good to know that asking for a lawyer is "suspicion of guilt . " That seems pretty screwed up to me. These local cops spend about 90% of their time writing traffic tickets ( I looked it up) so this kind of thing is pretty foreign to them.
Contacting a lawyer now is not a basis for suspicion of guilt. Please, get professional competent advice before you make any decisions.
I meant talking to a lawyer on that night makes me look bad. I have a lawyer ready now if I need one.
Good
I am not a lawyer, or much of anything really, but I know in domestic violence cases, similar to sexual assault, it is tough to remember that even as a victim, you are a witness. Nothing more or less, really. You are evidence. It is not up to you whether or not the case goes forward. It is not even up to you to get a conviction. It is up to you to tell what you remember and that is pretty much it.
When you think about it that way, your lack of control as far as charges becomes more clear.