Cousin is dating a guy with 3 kids

[lorene]

@DianaG

Why are you so weirdly emotionally involved in your cousin’s love life?

Because getting involved with his wife’s cousin’s life was a nonstarter?

[Shodan]

@glee

Although I agree that it’s best to see what people are like before judging them, I am a bit nervous about the father.
After each ‘ooops’ kid, why didn’t he change his behaviour and use contraception?

Once is an ‘oops’. Three by the time you’re 22 is more like a bad habit. Unless they’re triplets or something.

Regards,
Shodan

[Sleeps_With_Butterflies]

@Steken

So… Did the kids look malnourished to you? Did they have wounds oozing with pus, and big black rats dangling from the ends of their dreadlocks?

If not, and the guy takes good care of his children, that really speaks in his favour, painting him as a responsible parent and and presumably a responsible person - as others have pointed out.

Unless the OP has a time machine and will travel ahead to dinner next week and come back and report it to you I guess you’ll have to wait. So ready to jump him that you missed the words in the OP that he hasn’t met them yet?

[Steken]

@Sleeps_With_Butterflies

Unless the OP has a time machine and will travel ahead to dinner next week and come back and report it to you I guess you’ll have to wait. So ready to jump him that you missed the words in the OP that he hasn’t met them yet?

Yes. Yes I was.

hangs head in shame

[Rushgeekgirl]

I would not be thrilled if my 22 year old started became involved with a man with three children, especially when he has custody. I can understand your concern even if it’s your cousin, not your daughter. It’s not at all creepy or bizarre that you’re worried about her well-being, not to me, but then in my family we all tend to watch out for each other like that.

[Lynn_Bodoni]

@Shodan

Once is an ‘oops’. Three by the time you’re 22 is more like a bad habit. Unless they’re triplets or something.

Regards,
Shodan

I managed to get pregnant 3 times in 2 years, (two miscarriages, one live birth) before I was 22. And I was on one or two effective birth control method(s) each time. So yeah, it can happen. But it’s not very damn likely.

[Cazzle]

@Ravenman

It is a piece of advice that I’ve heard many times, but I’ve never been in such a situation: link, link, link, link, link. It seems the prevailing opinion is that a relationship ought to be serious and commitment should be in the cards before introducing children to an SO, as opposed to introducing people one is casually dating. I have a hard time seeing a two month relationship as meeting that threshold.

It can be difficult to find child-free time for dating when you have full custody. Not everyone has the support of family or people they can turn to for babysitting and if the other parent is absent, your choices are limited. As a 22 year old, his friends are likely to be around the same age - and there’s every chance they don’t feel ready for the responsibility of babysitting three small children at once.

There’s also always the chance that they started out as friends and she knew the children before they ever started dating. My friend is currently in that situation - they belonged to the same social group while they were both in their previous relationships and they knew each other’s children. Then they were both single and they ended up getting together.

[Incubus]

@Eliahna

It can be difficult to find child-free time for dating when you have full custody. Not everyone has the support of family or people they can turn to for babysitting and if the other parent is absent, your choices are limited. As a 22 year old, his friends are likely to be around the same age - and there’s every chance they don’t feel ready for the responsibility of babysitting three small children at once.

There’s also always the chance that they started out as friends and she knew the children before they ever started dating. My friend is currently in that situation - they belonged to the same social group while they were both in their previous relationships and they knew each other’s children. Then they were both single and they ended up getting together.

While the ‘longtime friends’ origin would be more promising, she actually met the guy on eHarmony. Right now my wife and I are speculating on the rest of the details until we know more. For example, being a ‘full-time student’ could mean a grad student, but my wife doubts it (she’s leaning more toward Clown College ). My aunt also casually said that the boyfriend apparently doesn’t have a lot of control over his daughters and she’s hoping that my cousin can set them straight (in spite of being the youngest in our farmily and having zero babysitting/childrearing experience).

I just hope she doesn’t end up being a babysitter-with-benefits for the guy.

[Taomist]

As my 17 year old niece is apparantly head over heels for some schmuck** who already has two other girls pregnant…I sympathize. But there’s nothing you can do.

*I’ve seen his Facebook page, and feel entirely justified in calling him a schmuck, yes.

[elbows]

I just hope she doesn’t end up being a babysitter-with-benefits for the guy.

Honestly, there are so many worse potential outcomes than this one, I think.

She’s fallen for him, and will likely be with him, regardless. She’ll gain experience with responsibility, parenting, householding, etc. Even if it is doomed to fail. I say she’ll leave with a real appreciation for how hard parenting is and how important birth control is. And, no doubt, a broken heart. But such is the lot of youth, I’m afraid.