Crap Movies Being Discussed or in Production

Just remembered another one: JLo in a remake of Carmen. For the love of Bizet, wasn’t Beyonce bad enough??!

Here’s a little more from that IMDB link:

I’ve been reading a lot of Arthurian fiction lately, and thinking of Bernard Cornwell’s “Warlord Chronicles” or Jack Whyte’s “Dream of Eagles” series (also known as “The Camulod Chronicles”), this sort of thing could be done very well. Both of these series took a similar tack (eliminating or downplaying magical elements in the Arthurian canon), and they’re quite good. Different, but good. I’ve had ideas of doing something similar myself.

And yet, if Bruckheimer’s producing, I know it’s gonna be crap. Damn, it’s gonna suck. Worse, even, than First Knight.

My pick: Though a sick, twisted part of me really wants this to be good, I just know that Freddy Vs. Jason is going to be crap.

Please tell me that you made this up. Teens going to a rave? :eek:

You’re absolutely right that the game’s story would make a great plot. Except put the scene with Chariot (the big knight guy) near the end, after Rogan has spent most of the movie searching the mansion. It would make a great tragedy.

Ye gods, man! You’re right! For her, I could see a man spending 20 years of his life trying to get home!

There was a fark link a while back to an article about planned upcoming movies based on 70s TV shows - apparently trying to copy Charlie’s Angels, for some reason. They specifically mentioned MacGuyver, The A-Team, and Knight Rider, that I remember. There were more. Fantasy Island, maybe? I forget.

They all sound horrid.

Forgot Will Smith’s version of I, Robot.

Actually, I think Isabella Rosselini would make a good helen. If I remember correctly, there are a few scenes in the Iliad, between her & Paris’ father (?) where she discusses how much time she’s passed and how she feels old… still has that everlasting beauty, but it’s becoming more mature, less overpoweringly youthful. Or maybe I’m completely misremembering. Eh, at least it’s got Julie Christie…

Ali G Indahouse

Ferris Bueller 2
It’s still just a concept; let’s hope it stays that way.

The Honeymooners
Cedric the Entertainer???

No title yet, but there’s an Untitled Britney Spears NASCAR project in development.

Blair Witch 3
Wait, did I miss something? Like BW2? And, ooo, it’s a prequel. How novel.

The Pee Wee Herman Story
Starring Pee Wee hisself. Possible R rating. Actually, I’d probably go see this one.

Beetlejuice 2, and there’s the ever-present rumor of Grease 3.

Ah, you must be too young to remember the cartoon series, which the FCC surprisingly ruled a thirty-minute commercial, as opposed to an entertainment program. And yes, the man who provided the voices of Mickey and Kip is indeed the Albert Brooks of Lost in America fame.

Everyone always forgets his work in A River Runs Through it, which was his first truly notable part, and some good work.

That superman story is just pathetic. I really wonder, sometimes, whether these studio execs are really there because they can make money, or because they’re just fucking arrogant pushy assholes and no one really wants to do what they do. Because they seem clueless even about merchandising. Smith seemed to know more about even THAT end of the biz than the people he describes. Where the hell do they get these studio execs?

HotWheels neglected to tack on the patheticly phoned “learn a lesson!” bits that magically made other cartoons “educational.”

Are you sure about this? I can’t find any mention of this on IMDB, although I know that isn’t definitive. I seem to remember it being discussed as a viable project a few years back.

Happy Lendervedder are you afraid Britney is too good to be associated with NASCAR, or that all that is right and good about NASCAR will be corrupted by being associated with Britney? Sounds like a reasonable pairing to me…I’m picturing Days of Thunder with large breasts.

Well, shoot, when you put it that way… :smiley:

In another thread, they point out that Highlander 5: the Source is apparently in pre-production. Now, I’ll admit, Endgame was alright, but the other two sequels just sucked sooo hardcore…why do they keep it up? I mean, the original was such a good idea, why must they continue to soil it’s reputation?

Take a look at the trailer and weep. The horror, the horror…

[somber narrator voice]*

They were looking for fun. But what did they find? Zombies.
AWFUL Zombies.*

[/somber narrator voice]

Which is why I specifically mentioned Bruckheimer. I don’t think he can make a movie that doesn’t feature explosions every five minutes or so.

“House of the Dead. Starring Juergen Prochnow as… Captian Kirk.” I kid you not. I…don’t…understand…ow my head.

Lagomorph - http://us.imdb.com/Details?0367882

Frank Darabont’s script was reported complete about a week ago. It says it’s due out in July 2005 (right around Harrison Ford’s 63rd birthday).

Oh. My. God. :eek: :eek: :eek:

I’m afraid I can top ALL of these miserable film ideas – yes, even Battlefield Earth 2 – and I only have to say two words:

Sk8er Boi

:smack: