House of Wax: documentary on Madame Tussaud’s.
The Pelican Brief: Jamie is teased at school for having waterfowl on his boxers.
Logan’s Run: Wolverine takes up jogging to control his temper. It doesn’t work.
The Man Who Would Be King: A profile of Prince Charles and his growing irritation at his mother’s longevity.
My Clint Eastwood Tribute. I went chronological back until I was too lazy to continue
Trouble with the Curve – an anxious supermodel diets and vomits her way to the top, and binges her way right back to the bottom.
Gran Torino – Manolo’s Torino grows under the tutelage of his grandfather, the beloved neighborhood pot dealer.
Million Dollar Baby – in a world where a million dollar baby is ridiculously overpriced, life is cheap.
Blood Work – a depressed artist plans a grand public suicide using his own bleeding wrists as brushes to create his final painting.
Space Cowboys – the world’s first herd of bio-engineered solar powered cattle need a few good men.
True Crime – a collection of security cam footage of blurry unidentifiable criminals who are never caught or convicted.
Absolute Power – Sparky’s got his “owners” right under his paws, just where he wants them.
The Bridges of Madison County – Lloyd, Beau and Jeff weren’t from Madison County, but they spent a wild weekend there in 1994.
A Perfect World – finally, the sequel to Idiocracy.
In the Line of Fire – from the makers of Sharknado. A line of fire stretches entirely across America, and one marginally crazy scientist knows just what to do.
From Russia With Love. A Hallmark movie about a sterile couple desperately trying to adopt a pair of orphans from Chernobyl in 1986…but suddenly…
It all ends well, of course, as all Hallmark movies do…
A trilogy:Goldfinger, The Man With the Golden Arm, and Goldmember: A collection of wacky accidents set in a precious metals foundry. With goofy music and (in)appropriate sound effects of course, because otherwise it would just be horrifying.
Due to OSHA actions, there will not be a fourth film.
Glory Road – they finally do a Heinlein adaptation right
The Dark Knight Returns – John Cleese’s character from Monty Python and the Holy Grail gets prosthetics.
X — The Unknown – A riveting introduction to Algebra
X from Outer Space – Algebra for Celestial Mechanics
XXX - A cursed jug of cartoon moonshine is discovered in the backwoods of Georgia. Hilarity and inebriation ensues.
Citizen Kane: a prequel to High Noon
Moving to Thread Games.
The King’s Speech - Elvis is invited to deliver the commencement address at Harvard
Ghost Rider:
(1) One of those rednecks from the end of Easy Rider decides to fix up the motorcycle, and develops urges to eat those funny mushrooms and ride across America.
(2) Shane does come back, many years later, to rescue descendants of the original victims from an evil corporation.
Another Casablanca: Through a strange set of coincidences, a taco-stand owner becomes President of the US. Penis ensues.
Blade Runner–World Class Roller Blader is on the run from the police, being accused of his wife’s murder, which he did not do. She was killer by a pair of roller blades.
A fading tennis star is struck in the head and loses his short term memory. Against all odds he makes it to Wimbledon, but never remembers the score- Love, Actually…
A suburban housewife is shorted on her coupons and takes it out on all the injustices she sees around her with her trusty minivan and the gun she acquires from the drug dealer she runs over -Fury-
Sleepless in Seattle: a sleep clinic helps people suffering from insomnia.
Mary Poppins: In 2015 LA, a talented young hip-hop dancer looking for her big break supports herself as a nanny.
The Wild Bunch: foraging for naturally-growing herbs and vegetables.
Black Beauty: Biography of Billie Holiday
The Lone Ranger, an art house piece about a 1983 pick up truck abandoned in the desert , lots of long panning shots of tumble weed and time lapse of a slowly deteriorating vehicle. A deep metaphor for something.
And in a shocking display of bigotry, not be Germans.