I was prompted by Vixenation & Shayna’s request for an update on the Bowling League team name & it got me thinking.
May is the official start of my company’s new Fiscal Year, and with that comes new policies, new goals, blah, blah, blah.
A Little Background: It’s been a long time since we posted out “Toilet Etiquette” rules in the 2 washrooms. To put it bluntly, they’re the most filthy bathrooms this side of Tiajuana. This is a masonry supply yard, hence all male employees and all male customers. I wouldn’t even consider bringing my girls here on “take your daughter to work day” for the simple fact they’d either come home with a rash or end up with a U.T.I. from holding it in all day. When I first posted the rules, everyone had a good laugh and surprisingly, the filthy conditions improved somewhat. But, as human nature would have it, things eventually slumped back their original disgusting state.
Maybe, just maybe if new rules are posted on a regular basis, the slobs I work with will at least make a slight effort to keep things a little cleaner.
Here are the current rules:
*Rule #1: Flush the toilet after: dropping off the kids, extinguishing a cigarette, emptying your bladder or dumping an ashtray. Failure to follow this rule will result in management hiring a men’s room attendant and all employees will be required to pay his salary.
Rule #2: Replace the toilet paper roll when it is finished or down to the last 10 sheets. Failure to follow this rule will result in management canceling all toilet tissue purchases & installing bidets.
Rule #3: Wipe down the washbasin after: spitting out phlegm, washing your face and hands or praying at the altar of Onan (look it up). Failure to follow this rule will result in management removing the sink and replacing it with a Gojo dispenser.
Rule #4: Aim. If your cocksmanship isn’t up to par, please practice at home. Failure to follow this rule will result in management lowering the bathroom ceilings to a height of 42” so that everyone will be forced to sit.
Rule #5: Ventilate. After baking a ripe cake, please leave the bathroom fan (light) on and close the door. Failure to follow this rule will result in management closing down the bathrooms and installing Port-A-San lavatories outdoors.*
So there you have it fellow dopers. Your mission (if you choose to accept it) is to come up with some new original guidelines that may help foster a more sanitary lifestyle for myself and my co-workers. The more memorable and humorous the rules, the more effective they’ll be.
Thanks in advance!