Like many here, I’m sure, I get my share of unwanted junk in my email box. Along with the requisite Viagra and penis enlargement pitches come the occasional knee-slappers, such as “Cum Queen Carmen Craves Colossal Cock”. Anyway, I’m used to it, and try to derive what humor I can from some of the more creative “sporn” offerings.
But the other day my box was flooded with messages such as this:
I find the vaguely schizophrenic tone of the body of the message somewhat menacing, and don’t know if a furrowed brow is all receipt of this email warrants. It certainly has me a little creeped-out.
So, is this truly a pitch? A psychotic ex-girlfriend taking revenge? Hidden viruses? Dunno.
I always highlight the white spaces in spam email. There’s some funky hidden stories in there! I suspect they are secret communiques from a Nigerian princess who is trying to purchase 26 million X-10 cameras.
Look for my conspiracy theory website about hidden text in spam, coming soon! I’ll email you about it.
Yeah, this is really funny. Hah, hah. Look, you come into your office some day, to find your inbox clogged with hundreds of messages containing what seem to be the psychotic ramblings of some jibbering lunatic, and see if the hairs on the back of your neck don’t stand up. It was a crazy spornocopia. I got bazillions of these things. It took me ten minutes just to delete them all. They contained no links, no hidden text that I could see, no attachments, just something resembling the word salad of some raving spamiac:
The only thing aroused in me by this is a case of the willies. Jeez, maybe I just have a paranoid phobia of anti-Bayesian Filtration context scramblers or something, I dunno. Truth is, that possibility never occurred to me. I really sat there for a good long while wondering “Who sent all this shit to me, and why?”
The joys of spam. Here is the one that just popped into my mailbox.
The subject of the message was "Pjksjjley ". The amazing product has still not shown itself. What is in that damn 18 wheeler!? Will the nameless lady get something to eat?! So many questions left unanswered.
Sorry if this is a be a hijack, but there just may be more to the story. I received this e-mail this morning:
The subject was; Drunk soccer moms abdulaim
they just don’t know when to stop http://www.URL changed to prevent unwanted links Mine white bicycle stares however, her fancy mobile phone smells. The red boots makes sound. Whose white hairy magazine show its value. Whose round-shaped table stares and perhaps a hairy kitchen is on fire. Our purple glove stares. His brothers little car arrives. Our children well-crafted expensive ipaq stands-still. Her silver soda arrives. Mine green green bra prepare for fight and their odd shaped printer stares. His golden stupid book calculates as soon as his expensive beautiful white golden slopy forg smells. His small computer walks the time that whose round glove fidgeting or maybe her daughters fancy computer stares.
Lots to think about going on there.
BTW, I get about 300+ spams a day in my ‘public’ account. The ones that really puzzle me are the messages that are completely blank. No return address, no subject, no text, nothing.
I get about 50 unsolicited ads a day trying to add inches to my penis. If I’d answered them all, I could probably tip over the Mars lander by now. (And yet I still delete them all unread…)
I got a few of those too…couldn’t figure out what the point was…
I guess they could have been figuring out which email addresses actually existed by seeing how many “Undeliverable mail” notices they got, but…weird…
After reading some of the posts, I gotta tell ya, a lot of the spam out there is also to sucker you into sending an e-mail back to “unsubscribe” to that spam.
Why “unsubscribe”? 'Cause it lets the spammers know that there’s a legitimate address out there they can spam to and make money off of. They can sell this addy to other spammers, and the cycle continues.
Just delete any Goddamned spam. Never reply to them. Consider them an unholy seed that will spawn misery if you say “reply”.
Tripler
I’m a victim. Consider me a “counter-intelligence” source.
On the subject of spam tips, Mike Elgan of mikeslist.com suggests a nifty idea. Instead of trying to create a filter to catch all the spam, he creates filters to organize emails he knows are legitimate and thusly separates the good from the bad. This is a system I happened upon accidentally just as a result of organizing my inbox. There are only 4 types of email I get regularly and three of them are deposited in appropriate folders and the rest just ends up in my inbox which I sort through when necessary.
My computer is filled with what appear to be the psychotic ramblings of a gibbering lunatic. I’d be very upset if they weren’t there. It tok a lot of time to write them.
Fer Example.
And Mother lifted the baby to her face and said “Oh, what sparkling eyes!”. Then, Mother’s teeth snapped shut.
I hope that explains just why, explains just why I can’t stay for freon frappucino.
Mother’s teeth, her great, white teeth snapped shut. The dotors laughed and laughed. Holding their aluminum bellies. with their, with their asbestos hands they laughed.
I cannot see the forest for the trees.
[sub]Lest the above be misinterpreted, I did not send any gibberish e-mail to Loopydude.[/sub]
the hidden song on Tool’s CD, Undertow? The one about the guy being colors? Freaky! Perhaps the Devil is trying out his email account on you all and having some fun at your expense?
