Critique my writing, or else!

Cafe Society
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…or else I apologize for asking.

I wrote a biographical novel about 10 years ago and abandoned the project before completing the final chapter. It’s about my experience with Operation Restore Trust, a federal witch-hunt for fraudulent doctors. I was the victim of wrongful and malicious prosecution, as were (are) many other physicians.

Twickster was kind enough to read the first chapter when I solicited her opinion. She opined that it needed a lot of work, primarily copy editing, but that I wrote well, and the story was interesting. She cautioned me about posting to Café Society saying people who know what they’re talking about would say, “it needs to be edited.” And, she’s right, it needs work. But, I’m not a writer (I just play one on TV), I’m a physician (or, at least I was physician)…so I’m prepared to take strong criticism for something that is not my day job.

The book, thus far, is ~125,000 words. The chapter I’m linking to is ~9300 words (sorry). The chapter is about 2/3 of the way into the story. I chose this particular chapter because it ties together a few relevant themes and it is a chapter I polished up more than most others.

Criticism would be nice. Even better would be if there are any professional editors, book doctors or co-authors who see potential in this project and wish to partner in some fashion to get published. I have no money, thanks to Operation Restore Trust(and a soon to be ex-wife who makes the old prosecuting AUSA on my case look like a pussycat).

Leading up to this chapter: It’s the eve of the new millennium, I’m newly married (first time, 40 years old); anticipating baby daughter (high risk pregnancy, donor egg due to mother’s age); I learn that a former classmate of mine (and good friend) is being investigated for fraud and abuse of Medicare. He’s not guilty, I know it. He commits suicide; I learn of another former classmate being investigated for fraud and abuse of Medicare. He is guilty, I know it. He goes to trial, coked up most days with powder on his nose, according to the press and goes to prison for most of the last decade; Medicare stops all payment to our practice. 4 months later we learn the reason: I’m being investigated for fraud and abuse of Medicare. I hire a civil legal team; my case turns criminal. I hire a criminal legal team; I don’t like the options either of my 2 former classmates took; my daughter is born. I raise her (to this day, along with her baby sister); I lose my practice, most of our money and some of my sanity; stress triggers a bad case of agoraphobia…hard for me to even leave the house; my case turns more sour. The feds are jerking me around. I’m not guilty. Really, I am not guilty. Bob, one of the expert medical consultants on my legal team convinces me to fire current attorney and go with a big gun. I comply. My dad (and best friend) insists on going with Bob and I to meet with the new lawyers in south Florida. And that brings us to: Goin’ South (I changed the names of everyone, except my daughter…I just can’t change her name). (PDF file)

Thanks.

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Wait, how does it end? Please don’t tell me that we have to wait for the book to come out to find out!

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Don’t you remember every single kid in school who had to give a book report?:
"And if you want to find out how it ends… you’ll just have to read the book."

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You’re going to have to buy the boo…

Just kidding.

The civil AUSA turned out to be a vampire and the criminal AUSA a zombie…

Just kidding.

Actually, after more months of back and forth legal wrangling, my new law team got the two AUSA’s to offer the best plea agreement yet, something in the neighborhood of $180K + 6 months house arrest (but still, the felony would render my medical license worthless as used toilet paper). Gabe et al still tried to convince me to go to trial (“we don’t often get cases as winnable as yours, doc”), and I was considering doing so. But, I was never offered a proffer by the AUSA (“I don’t want to see or hear from your client. If he doesn’t accept the plea, I’ll see him at trial, and then you’ll see him in prison.” I was listening on an extention when he said that early in the investigation).

Before I’d decide on which path to take (plea or trial) I insisted that Gabe at least try to get the criminal AUSA to look at my video and a 12 page document I wrote outlining my defense. My lawyers cautioned me that this could be a mistake (“they will just be looking for more things to use against you”), but I insisted and Gabe complied. Bernard hand delivered the package to Devonshire on a Tuesday. That Friday we got word that all charges on me were dropped. I got no “sorry about that, chum” or “here’s all the money we owe you” from the feds…they simply dropped the charges and I never heard from them again. They had other physicians to fry.

My lawyers said it was a miracle and I should celebrate my good luck. I didn’t feel so lucky. Medicare never paid me the nearly 2 years of back payment owed to me for all services rendered. I asked if I could sue Medicare to recoup this money. They said it’s not easy to sue the government and win. They would have to demonstrate a pattern of misconduct to such a degree as to have violated my civil rights. They said they would take the case, but it would be costly and no slam dunk. I declined the offer.

I had no illusion that they dropped my case in the name of justice. They just realized I was willing to go to trial and their case wasn’t as winnable as they once thought. I knew I would be a red flagged provider forever, so I opted-out of Medicare. A safe, but costly choice.

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Well, at least I didn’t get any *bad *critiques…:wink:

Question: Have any of you writers gone the on-demand self-publishing route? If so, does any company stand out from the rest? Do any editors consider percentage of sales rather than hourly rate? Thanks.