In college there was this odd fellow in my dorm. He was very tall and skinny and wore short shorts (!) and had a funny walk that reminded you of an egret or heron or other tall thin bird. We called him “L’oiseau” (“the bird” in french).
Neither were appropriate, but they were definitely cruel.
There was a girl I went to school with, they (same guys from the post below) called her (in reference to her chest and her looks) ** “Kibbles and Bits and zits for tits”**
A friend of mine, in tears, told me the guys we hung out with were calling her a name because she had lost her virginity to one of them. Sensitive guys were calling her “Bleeder” . I had a few words with them, and while I don’t know if they stopped, they definitely stopped calling her that around me (I was small, but scary :)).
My old high school friends still call me Redneck from time to time. If you type my last name into your word processor and run the spell check, redneck’s what it suggests.
I got off easy. My dad’s friends called him Red Dick.
In high school, I knew a guy nicknamed “Herp”. No, not because of any STD. It was the sound he made when he laughed. An awful, terrible sound that would reduce anyone to tears of laughter who heard it for more than 5 seconds.
That guy was a riot.
someone at my high school was pretty damn clever. i don’t know who, but they came up with nicknames for these 2 chicks that always hung around together. one was “heavy” and the other was skinny and had a bit of a reputation for spreadin’, so naturally, they were known as:
“Whoral and Lardy”
in college, i knew a dude named “Newt” who was very creepy and resembled a newt with this yucky, moist-looking skin. Newt was a perfect name for this guy.
my best buddy was know as “Fartin’ Martin” for obvious reasons.
the fraternity had a bunch of good nik names, and most of them fit pretty good.
A friend of mine is rather heavy, and he told me this story from his Navy days. This is from his perspective:
Everyone in our company had a nickname, given by the CO. Mine was “Fatboy”, and I hated it.
One day a minor crisis came up, which I was able to solve. Being the temporary hero, I asked the CO if I could change my name. He said, “Sure, we’ll do it tonight at chow.”
So that night, in front of the whole company, the CO stands up. He indicates me, and announces, “From now on, his name is no longer Fatboy…”
I straighten my shoulders with pride.
“… His name is now Fat Fuck”.
Shoulders drop.
When I was in high school I ended up calling some kid “Lumpy,” because, well quite frankly, I was an asshole in high school and I couldn’t remember the fat bastard’s real name. Now he wears that nickname as a badge of honor, so to speak, introducing himself as Lumpy, rather than Jeremy.
Also, I am ashamed to admit it, but my friends used to call me Piss Boy because of an incident at a party one time. Enough said.
Hugo. We’d play Spades in the lunchroom in High School and he would never pay attention. We were always telling him “You go.” He stayed Hugo even until this day.
Wait a minute, that’s not cruel. In elementary school we had a Chester. As in “Chest? Her? Bwahahahahahaha!” Of course she did finally develop boobage. She remained Chester, however.
This isn’t half as good as some of the prior examples. But anyway… there was a kid in my high school who was an ass, and rather universally disliked. When we found out he had a heart problem, we changed his name to “Lowbeat”.
Whore-al reminded me of the nicknames my first boyfriend bestowed on his (most unloved) roommate, Jorge. We were all first-year law students - Jorge, a rather spoiled, temperamental young man, dealt with stress by eating. So nickname number one was Hoho.
The nastier one, dear to my heart, was a simple reversal of Jorge: Hey-whore.
God, that boyfriend was a bitch - so of course we’re still good friends.
There was a guy we used to call “DA”. He would always ask, “Why do you always call me District Attorney?”
What a dumb ass.
I played water polo in high school and one girl from a team my school played against was called “monkey face”. Everyone called her that, even our coach and her coach(although not to her face). She looked like a monkey with a flat nose and squished face plus she was a mean ass bitch.
Went to HS with a guy called Ick. Perfect name for him, he was gross.
The best nickname that I ever bestowed might seem cruel on the surface but the recipient loved it and it was so clever that I’ll post it here. My buddy Bill is a gay man in his 30’s. He was complaining one day that in his whole life he never got a cool nickname. I decided that he should be known forever more as “Three Dollar” Bill.
Haj
I was working in this busy student bar, they hired this new busboy. He was a nice enough bus boy, every one really liked him and everything. But he was kind of a slow mover and seemed to always be in the way on a busy evening. So the waiters dubbed him “Speed Bump”, cause he was just there to slow them down.
Now this fellow went on to work there for many years, becoming a waiter, and was always well liked, didn’t seem to really mind the nickname, though I doubt he’d have chosen it.
My Prom date (egads I wonder if she’s reading this!) was nicknamed “Hootie-Queen” because she had the largest breasts in the whole school.
I can’t say that is was a cruel name because when she did finally found out about it she used to refer to herself in the third person as the “Hootie-Queen”.
[Al Bundy]
Ah, high school, those were the days!
[/AB]
Almost. How about “Tricky Dick?”
Gigi–they’re called hormones, and they are a terrible gift to the teenaged boy…
Captain Mark Philips (who was Princes Anne’s first husband) was nicknamed “Fog” this was because people thought he was wet and dense (or thick)
My friend gave me the nickname “Boner”, which is interesting since I am a girl. It stemmed from bean (being one of my nicknames) which changed to beaner. My friend was on AIM and typed “Hi beaner!” one day, but she made a typo. It read “Hi beoner!” And soon she typed “haha, hi BONER” and it kind of stuck.
The “thick” part translates quite nicely into 'Murrican, but what does “wet” mean? I would hazard to guess “wimpy,” but I don’t know enough about Mr. Philips to be sure…