Crunchy Frog's Welcome Wagon (newbies take note)

OK, I’m bored at work (almost constantly) so I would like newbies (or anyone who’d be interested for that matter) to pop in here, tell me about yourself (don’t write a novel or anything, just a couple quick sentences) and I will welcome you all in my own inimitable fashion.

OK I’ll bite.

I was born in a manger in a small town of Bethlehem, PA.

I’m 5’10", 126 lbs, 38©-24-34.

I enjoy mud wrestling, loud motorcycles, friendly people.

I hate insincerity, bad spelers,and people use bad grammar who.

I’m a pathological liar. I eat small children (a la J. Swift - jes’ doin’ my part).

Now for the true stuff. I’m a statistics geek, dead head, Dylan fan, lover of all “Homegrown” music.

I’ve been reading SDMB for quite some time and just recently “enlisted” in the SD-army.

I’m cynical as all hell.

In spare time (HA) I try to scuba dive and try to keep British cars running. Not meant as a slam!

That’s me.

NB: I started a thread this morning about Spontaneous Human Waste Combustion.

I have no sig.

I’ll take a swing at that pinata.

I’m 29, living in Dallas, and just got married a little over a month ago. I’m a product manager for a small insurance company (read: I set the rates on different risks). I’ve lived in GA, TN, SC, AL, and now TX. I’m into running, reading (when I have time), and music.

There you go.

Welcome to the boards, spritle.
Rule #1 - take everything I say with a grain of salt, I tend to have my tongue firmly implanted in my cheek while I’m awake.
Rule #2 - I am your master. You will obey everything I say.

So anyway: Are you sure you were born in a manger and not just left there after the fact? And how the hell do you try to scuba dive? To paraphrase the all-knowing Yoda, that’s one of those “do or do not, there is no try” things, no? I mean, I try to get laid every night, but it just doesn’t happen. Once you’re breathing underwater, the point of “Hey, I’ll give this a shot” is long since past. Of course, seeing as you are a pathological liar, you probably don’t even know how to swim.

I couldn’t give two shits about your Spontaneous Human Waste Combustion thread. (pun intended ;))

So in short, glad to have you here - oh wait, you hate insincerity - ok then, I’m indifferent to your being here, have fun, don’t be an ass, bite me newbie.

[timid]Hi, I’m Silver Fire.[/timid]

So, I was looking at my own welcome thread from back in the day. Not many people responded to it. You’re one of the ones that did, Crunchy. :smiley: Anyway, you can find out more about me (and others) in this thread, and again in this thread. Happy reading!

Hey spritle? I would definitely use that as a sig if I were you. :smiley:

That’s no pinata, that’s my penis enlarger! Don’t break it, don’t break it!

Congrats on getting married, Tommy. I almost got married once, but then my fiance died. Ok, she didn’t really die, but I had a dream once where she did. And when I say I had a dream that she died, I mean that I actively fantasize about many different horrible, slow, painful deaths for her.

But I’m not bitter.

Say, you aren’t any relation to our own Zumba the Cat are you?

Well traveled, I see. You have to move around like that to stay one step ahead of those felony charges. I know where you’re coming from. If I were wanted in as many states as you, I’d take up running as a hobby too. You never know when you might have to make a break for the backdoor.

Speaking of backdoors, do you have any KY Jelly I can borrow? Got a hot date tonight. :smiley:

Anyway, welcome aboard, try to have fun, and bite me newbie.

(BTW, same goes for you as for pritle, most of what I say in this thread is tongue-in-cheek, don’t get offended, m’kay?)
And people, could we please specify if we are male or female? That would give me a little more to work with here.


I live in NYC.
I’m from OKC.
I am a man.
I am married.
I have no children but I have two cats.
Their names are Tybalt and Princess Penelope Prissypants.

I was married befor but got divorced.

My nick name is from a book called Valis.

As Crunchy’s virtual wife I’ll have to second his plead not to break the Penis Enlarger.

I am also here to defend myself against what some may see as commentaries about me.

  1. I was not, to the best of my knowledge, the finace with the slow & painful demises.
  2. The KY is not for me. My backdoor remains locked at all times. (You can never trust the neighbors)

Ok, I’ll take your post one line at a time:

My condolences. On both counts.

Come on, be honest. Are you gay? Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but Princess Penelope Prissypants?! I had a cat once. Named him Patches. I actually like cats - deep fried with a little sweet-n-sour sauce, stir fried with veggies . . . mm-mm good!


Wow. Glad you explained that to me, that clears everything up. Otherwise I’d have lain awake for hours wondering where the hell you picked out a bizarre name like “Zebra” Hey, I’ll give you a quarter if you know where my username comes from! (Actually, if a person knows where this username comes from, they automatically make my ‘cool’ list.)

Ok, enough of the arrogant act. Welcome aboard, Zebra. Hope you like it here, we need more good posters to make up for the likes of Coldfire, Satan, and Zenster.

oh yeah - before I forget: Bite me newbie (I said it to the other two, have to be fair and say it to everyone now).

No, little*bit you are not the ex-fiance I referred to. That is some IRL whom I now hate with a passion and no longer speak to.

And Tommy the Cat nevermind about loaning me the KY Jelly. It seems as if the backdoor will remain locked again tonight.

:slowly backing away from and trying not to look directly at the penis enlarger:

Just to answer Crunchy’s questions:

  1. I’m a guy
  2. Sorry no relation (that I know of) between Zumba and myself.

Thanks for the welcome by the way.

Glad I’m not a newbie… so not only will I not bite you, Crunchy, but I invite you to plant a big wet one on my caboose!

Have a nice day! :smiley:

Well I never told you to bite me, FairyChatMom, nor am I serious about it to the people in this thread, so what brought that on? And not only will I not “plant a big wet one on your caboose” I invite you to meet my dyslexic Chinese friend Duck My Sick.

Have a nice day! :smiley:

Is there still room in here for another newbie? And do I have to bite crunchy or will I get out of it with a doctor’s note - scratch that; I hate dealing with doctors more than I fear death; if bite I must then…

As far as introduction goes, I am 6 feet of cynical, blue-eyed laziness that worries just enough about school to get up and go to class (well, sometimes). Majoring in electrical engineering, looking to minor in photonics. Music is a big part of life, but I am willing to bet that most of you haven’t ever listened to the stuff I do on an everyday basis so I won’t list anything specific.

Oh yeah - before I get asked again, my name is French and means (approximately; nothing is ever quite exact) the lazy blood.

Hello. I am female, 25 y/o, married, with one on the way. I have two dogs and two cats. I work at a copy chain in the CS dept. designing crap for people (but not bitter). I hope to go back to school soon.
I have lurked for a long time. I got interested when the Straight Dope TV show was on. Miss it. I am on here mostly to combat “mommy brain” so gimme your best shot, Crunchy.
PS - is your name from MP?

here’s my take on the sig idea, thanks.

I didn’t quote verbatim, since I’m so damn aloof and don’t care. Throw “rat’s ass” in there and you’ve just about got it.

I am a newbie already posting with zeal. I live in Chicago via Minneapolis and St. Louis. I’m a “retired” HIV/AIDS counselor and spend my time trolling the Chicago theater/music scene these days. There are many things I like and dislike. There are many things I do and don’t do. I am a female of child-bearing years. I’m on my computer all day most days, so you’ll frequently see me leaving meaningless (yet hopefully witty) posts in random configurations. I’m not a computer geek, but I play one on TV.

I’m going to assume that Cruncy Frog is the Monty Python-inspired comedy show, but it could also be that game-making company. Not knowing you, it’s hard to say.

hmmm, was my flippant attempt at humor that subtle? Is my sarcasm so thinly disguised? Does he really hate me that much? <sigh> I’m really a lot of fun once you get to know me. I’ve even stopped playing my accordion in public.

Have a nice day! :wink:

Hi, Crunchy! I’m named after my cat, and I have trouble turning on my computer no matter what I wear, or don’t wear, in front of it. But somehow, I have figured out how to post here, to everyone’s dismay.:wink:
I make jewelry, when not in the throes of my addiction to this board. Crunchy, it’s posters like you that keep me coming back for more. So bite me, oldbie!:stuck_out_tongue:
grumble where’d the day go…grumble