I live in a dorm. I’ve been hearing loud crying sounds from the girl who lives in the room next to me. I went over knocked on her door to ask if she was ok, and she said she’s fine and it was pretty clear that she didn’t want to talk.
first of all, was I wrong to go over in the first place? It sounds like she just left her room- I hope I didn’t make her uncomfortable or self-conscious, but I probably did. Second, should I do anything else?
If you hear screaming, do something. For crying, I think you did all you can, or at least all you ought.
It sounds to me like you did what you should and what you could.
You did the right thing.
As for doing anything else–just be aware of her. If this was an isolated incident, no problem. If the behavior continues or escalates…well, I’m not exactly sure how you should handle it. But in the meantime, it can’t hurt to watch out for her a bit.
Offer to take her out for coffee sometime, and let the invitation stand. Don’t push it, but put yourself out there if she needs someone to talk to.
(Screaming is tricky–there can be a world of gray between “I briefly lost my temper in a fight” and “There’s someone here hurting me, and I would really like it if you called the cops”, and I’m not sure where you’d draw the line. Have you heard anything like that from her?)
I agree, for screaming do something but for crying let her be.
When I was in the dorms I once had a brown recluse spider crawl over my face and I screamed like you have never heard before! Not one single person came to see if I was okay. I could have been bitten by a deadly spider and died and no one so much as knocked on my door to see why I was screaming. I never quite felt comfortable living there after that because I sounded like I was being stabbed to death and no one took notice at all. If you hear your neighbor screaming go check it out, please. She might have a real problem (or at the very least she will learn that having screaming fights with her boyfriend draws unwanted attention and maybe she will shut the hell up in non emergency situations after that.)
For crying though let it go. She is probably working through some emotional stuff and doesn’t want to have to explain it.
I think it was nice that you checked on her, but I wouldn’t push the issue unless it gets to be an all-the-time thing, then I would probably just notify the RA that you’re concerned about her.
That was really nice of you. When I went through a period of emotional instability, I remember one day after a bad interview for a job I really needed I just ended up crying on a bench. Some nice person noticed, asked if I was okay, and gave me some tissue. I’ve never forgotten that little act of kindness.
Don’t worry too much. People cry sometimes. Especially people in dorms, where the usual drama of being a young adult gets racheted up a few notches.
You did what I would have done, with one exception: At the end of the conversation, when she said she was fine and didn’t want to talk, I would have said, “Okay, if that changes, please knock on the wall,” or something. Followed by the usual “I hope you feel better, good night” farewell.
Just to, y’know, leave the metaphorical door open.
If it’s something that is going on consistently you can mention your concern to the RA, assuming you have something like that there.
We did a lot of peer counseling training when I was training to be an RA, and if she’s going through something that is causing her to cry all the time the school would much rather have someone checking in on her than just assuming she’ll get help if she needs it. Again, I’m not sure from the OP if this is a one-time thing or something you are noticing she does a lot, but if she’s in any kind of trouble it’s better to show more concern than not enough.
Hopefully your overture will have at least assured her she can talk to you if she needs to reach out, but unfortunately being a dorm is rough and anything from boyfriend troubles, to stressful classes, to seriously mental illness can cause people to break down.
We had a suicide attempt in my friend’s dorm the year I was RA-ing, and that’s not something anyone wants to happen.