Cussing Kids

Great Debates
1

Ok, I don’t have any kids, and don’t plan to for some time, but I think about this kind of crap all the time:

when teaching my kids to talk, should i chastise them for using words like shit and fuck? I mean, I don’t belive that there are any “bad” words, and I want my kids to use the full range of the english language. But at the same time, I want to convey to them that these are powerfull words, that shouldn’t just be thrown around. i want them to not be afraid to use them, but also to know when it is not appropriate to use them.
there is the arguement that I should do what my parents did, and tell my kids not to use those “naughty” words (after all, I turned out using them, but still knowing when not to), but I hate the thought of teaching my kids that they have to limit the words they can use. (i still feel weird cussing around my mom)
What should I do with my hypothetical kids?

2

IMHO (In my hypothetical opinion)you should let them know that use of certain words would:

a) Make them look bad under certain circumstances.
b) Make you look bad under certain circumstances.
c) Offend some people.
d) Get them into trouble at school.

Your hypothetical kids would learn to swear anyway from their friends but you should accept this fact and instead concentrate on instructing your kids when it is not O.K. to swear.

3

oh, I know they will do it. i just can’t figure out how to show them when to do it, and let them know that i don’t mind it.

4

We have 4 kids, ages 2 through 11, and we seem to have succeeded so far, in that the older ones know plenty of “swear words” but also know when it is appropriate to use them. Sitting here thinking about it, though, I really can’t tell you exactly how we accomplished it.

I know that when we started our family, we made a conscious effort to clean up our language. Toddlers learning new words don’t have the ability to distinguish between acceptable and unacceptable sounds, so it seemed safer to simply curb my own language for a while. As they got older we gave them an explanation similar to Gomez’s suggestions.

You have to balance the understanding that any word is just a group of sounds and, in and of itself, has no power with the understanding that the intent behind the word has great power. So, on the one hand, I tell them, “it’s just a word.” And on the other hand, we have very strict rules in our house about calling people names like “stupid”, because the intent of the word is to hurt.

We try to keep it light, and use humor to back up our explanations. So our examples of when not to use particular words generally involve little old ladies fainting in the supermarket after overhearing a rude word.

Learning when and where to use profanity is a social skill, just like choosing a napkin over one’s sleeve or saying “thank you”, and, like any social skill, is best taught by example.

It also occurs to me that there are words, specifically racial slurs, that we do not allow uttered in our home. Again, we explain that though the word itself is only a collection of sounds, its only intent is to cause harm, by offending, denigrating or belittling. That is an important distinction to me, and one that our children have easily understood.

5

robinh, I assume you gots yourself a man, but goddammit. Would you marry me? What you described is almost exactly how I have thought of raising kids.

6

Smack them in the back of the head when they say an offensive word, like: ‘audit’, ‘IRS’, ‘republican’, ‘democrat’, ‘felch’. :D:D

7

kids will imitate their parents so if the parents dont swear neither will the kids (the first word i taught my sister was a swear word and she never swears)

8

You should tell them to finish what they started in the Pit rather than trying to test the waters here.

The way to do that is to get them to acknowledge when they have misused words and then ask the (hypothetical) mods to close the thread.

picmr

9

I quit swearing (for the most part) when I had my first child. Maybe it’s the growing older part, but when I’m standing in line at Safeway, or outside of my school having a smoke, and I hear a couple of 18 or 20 year olds swearing back and forth, I honestly think it makes them sound like idiots. More so if they’re older and should know better. If you must insert the F word at least once into every sentence you utter, then perhaps your vocabulary could endure some expansion.

I find that heavy use of profanity makes one sound like uneducated trailer trash. I taught my kids by example NOT to swear, and told them that swearing is for people who don’t know how to express their feelings in any other way, or they think it makes them sound older. Either way, there are probably better ways to get your point across. So far, so good. I haven’t caught any of them swearing yet, and the older ones come home if the kids at the park are swearing, because it makes them uncomfortable.

Actually, heavy use of profanity is probably my biggest turn off. It definitely does not make you sound more intelligent.

10

Eggo: Teach them about swearing the same way (I hope) you plan to teach them about masturbation: it’s all right to do it, honey, but only in certain circumstances.

11

robinh, I assume you gots yourself a man, but goddammit. Would you marry me? What you described is almost exactly how I have thought of raising kids. Aww, my first online proposal! Yes, I am happily married. (12 years :eek: )But thank you for the offer.

** swearing is for people who don’t know how to express their feelings in any other way**

Exactly! If every other word is a profanity, it loses all its punch. On the other hand, a well-placed but infrequently used expletive can make one’s point by underlining the strong emotion one is attempting to express.

I liken this to my theory about why I don’t (in theory, anyway) yell at my kids unneccesarily. If everytime you have to remind them to do something you raise your voice, they eventually stop hearing the raised voice as anything special. Then you have to yell even louder to get their attention, and so on.

12

I had to deal with this recently in my household. My oldest daughter has just turned four and in the space of a week did the following:

I told her it was bedtime and she muttered “Fuck” as she walked up the stairs ahead of me. I said “What did you say?” and she turned around and pointed at me and said “Youdon’ttellmewhattodo,Idon’tlikeyou,Idon’twanttogotobed” and then ended with "And I said ‘Fuck!’

A few days later a couple from my wife’s church was over and we told our daughter it was bedtime. She complained and argued and when we insisted she said “Fine! Be a fuck!”

It’s hard to explain to someone that age that a word they used made our guests think a cursing demon lives in our house. We have modified our language since then and the demon no longer curses.

Obviously, the atmosphere a child grows up in will influence their later behavior. As with drinking or smoking, if a child grows up seeing such behavior as normal, they are going to be more likely to imitate it. If you don’t want your kids to swear (or smoke or drink), don’t do it yourself.

13

I don’t completely agree with this thought. Neither of my parents swears a lot . . . heck, they almost never swear. I, on the other hand, swear plenty. It just depends on the company. I try to curb myself when I’m around them (and select other relatives) because they don’t like it. Around my friends, however, my parents’ noticeable lack of swearing doesn’t mean I don’t swear.

I do agree with the sentiment already expressed on this thread . . . there are times when it’s okay (read: not too bad) and times when you DO NOT swear.

14

On the other hand, my dad swears like a navvy, and I didn’t start swearing until I was about fifteen.

15

eggo asserted:

Awfully sure of yourself there, weren’t you?
I’m 16 and I don’t swear. At all. Ever. There are others like me. It’s possible to not swear.

16

If only the world would just realize that words are words. Are they going to cut you, will they bruise you, will they make you go to hell, will they make you progressivly dumber(if not already), and if you think they do, why should the punishment for swearing be limited to kids? If words can do the things I just mentioned, adults should also be punished. Kids are going to swear anyways, no matter what adults say. The world just has to accept it.

17

You ever watch Maury Povich, when they have the kids, like 8 and 10 year olds who curse like sailors and drink and smoke and get into trouble?

I swear more on the Internet than I do in real life. Funny, I learned most words from my GRANDPARENTS, believe it or not…my grandparents curse like drunken sailors on a weekend binge.

I think really young children will start saying those words to shock their parents. It’s best to ignore it when it seems as if they’re trying to get attention…

However, I remember two times when I got my mouth washed out with soap…ew!

18

How best to respond to this . . . I disagree with the notion that words are just words. If what you’re saying is that you don’t think words can hurt a person, I think you’re wrong on that. Having been both physically and verbally abused and assaulted before, it’s the verbal stuff that actually hurts the most. It doesn’t take much to hit someone. You have to think to say something rude.

I don’t think swearing is a good idea for anyone. That said, I find myself doing it sometimes because I don’t knwo the words for what I want to say and swearing helps me to vent anger instead of hurting people. I think the former is better than the latter, as the people around when I’m swearing like that know it’s not directed at them.

“Stick and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” One of the biggest crocks I’ve yet heard, along with “boys will be boys.”

19

The environment definitely plays a big role, yes. My dad cussed (and still cusses) a lot, while my mom didn’t. I was always told by both parents that just as there are certain things adults do that children can’t (i.e., driving a car, mowing the lawn, using a chainsaw, etc.), there are certain words that adults say that children can’t. This worked until I was 17.

20

My parents, especially my mom, curse all the time. I started cussing, well, a long time ago. But my BF says he “Hates to hear such disgusting words come out of such a beautiful mouth”, so I keep the swearing limited. I don’t say “fuck” every other word like my mother, but when the occasion calls for it, it’s very satisfying to let loose with a loud profanity.