My son (4.5) has really been into jokes recently, but he’s not totally clear on the concept. I told him the joke
What did the big firecracker say to the little firecracker?
My pop’s bigger than your pop!*
He came back with
What did the medium firecracker say to the little firecracker?
My daddy drinks more than your daddy!
*This joke is the only joke I could remember from a joke book I had when I was about his age. The only reason I remember it is because when my brother was that age, he told the joke
What did the big firecracker say to the little firecracker?
My crack’s bigger than your crack!
(Also, don’t worry…his daddy doesn’t really drink very much at all.)
This past weekend we took our 2 year-old son to one of those hotel/water-park places.
He was climing up an incline on all fours with me behind him. A group of four 5-6 year olds was walking down it the other way. As they passed one of them accidentaly stepped on my sons hand. My son had a delayed reaction and began to cry and wanted me to pick him up. So as I was holding him I feel a tug on my swim trunks. I look down and see a scared 5-year old kid eyes agape and a few missing teeth and he says “I sawee”.
Nearly broke my heart. I assured him my son was just fine and told him he was very nice for coming back to apologize.
Other funny one I saw this weekend:
A black family gets off an elevator. Mom, Dad, and two daughters. The older one whacks her sister in the back of the head. Her mom immediately scolds “Don’t you hit your sister!”
The girl responds with attitude in her voice “I just DID.”
Weekend before last, I told 8YO mudgirl, “You know what we’re going to do tonight?” “What?” “We’re going to see Horton Hears a Who”!
Her: thinks for a minute. “The lumpy one?”
Me:
Then it hit me. The latest one with Jim Carrey is computer animated, hence looks 3-D, hence, “lumpy”.
You are right! Except, she knows butter, so maybe it was oil…some of my recipies call for oil, and she would see me put it in, but not necessarily understand what it is. And, it looks yellow in the bottle. I will ask her that tonight. Thanks for the idea!
Oh, man, these are really good! What a wonderful antidote to the kids breaking treasured possessions thread!
Last night, Caileigh told her dad she didn’t want him to say “Sweet Dreams” anymore because it was “scary”. When he asked her what he should say instead, she thought for a minute and then said, “Orange dreams!”
Dutifully, when he put her to bed, he wished her “Orange dreams!”
This morning she woke up and I asked her if she had any good dreams last night. “I had *orange *dreams!” she said happily.
Once, I was semi-responsible for the well being of a young cousin. So I had made lunch, we were sitting at the table eating, and she inquired the meaning of some slang terms she’d heard me use. I explained, and she looked thoughtful for a moment, assembling a new sentence in her lil’ brain. Then she looked at me and said:
Whatsit Jr. and MiniWhatsit love it when it’s “meat love” night.
I told them once that it’s meatloaf, not meat love. Whatsit Jr. looked at me like I was completely stupid and said, condescendingly, “No, Mommy. It’s called meat LOVE. Because everyone loves it so much.”
A few minutes ago, Caileigh was singing “Tomorrow”, from Annie. You know the one, it goes:
I’m singing about tomorrow
clean away the doorknobs and the sorrow,
‘till there’s none!
A…a…a…somethin’ about tomorrow
bet your bottle dollar that tomorrow,
there’s a sun!
You should hear her rendition of “It’s a Hard Knock Life”!
A couple of years ago, I visited my (then) 2 year old niece in Los Angeles. We had a good time going to the beach so she could see the Ocean Chickens. But after our time was up, I had to go back to Cheese-cago.
Hey, Captain Sparrow! How are Will and Elizabeth doing?
Not really funny, but there was a kid on the bus in a stroller yesterday, bundled up in one of those big snowsuits–saying ‘HIIII! HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!’ super-gleefully to everyone who came on. I swear to you, even the big important white-haired man in a business suit was grinning and making faces back. Best part of my day.
Oh, I forgot about the orange car beep! She hasn’t mentioned it lately. Orange is definitely her favorite color though. Today for a while she was an orange Caileighosaur. But the (purple) Mamasaurus Rex chased her right into her bedroom and made her take a nap!
Back when I lived in London (Deptford, for those who know the city) we lived across the road from some huge billboards. Well, around the time my daughter was 2 or so, that new Star Wars movie, The Phantom Menace, came out. It was advertised on the billboard, with a large picture of Euan McGregor’s face.
My daughter looked at it, grinned, pointed and said “Daddy!” Nobody older than 2 has ever suggested I resemble that actor…
While at the water park on Oahu, we were all sitting and eating lunch when my little brother wanted to go and ride on some surfing attraction, which you could pay for by per ride or by an all-day pass.
My mom reaches into her suimsuit and pulls out some bills from between her breasts. Not unusual, right? C’mon ladies, you keep things in there now and then when need arises for quick safekeeping.
Until…
Little Brother: Wow mom, nobody would ever think of looking there!
Me, Auntie, Uncle, Cousin: :eek:
Mom: :eek:
We all laughed about it though. It was hilarious. Poor mom, nobody wants to look at your breasts.
Though in her defense, she’s very young-looking for her age, always has been. Even my peers in high school would comment how good she looks.
I have a four-year-old nephew who has recently discovered Star Wars. I was discussing this with him and his father (my brother) over lunch the other day:
Me: Star Wars? Really?
Brother: Big time. In fact… Tell Auntie J why you got a time-out last night during dinner.
Nephew: (quietly) I used the Force on Mommy.
My (former) 4yo–her birthday was yesterday–likes to sing “Oh Susanna” when no one is listening. But she sings it:
Oh Susanna
Oh don’t you cry for me
'Cause I don’t know where Alabama is
And I don’t know what to do.
She sings a lot, but only to herself, and it’s hysterical. When she’s playing with knights or dragons or whatever, she’ll sing the story in this weird dialogue opera thing. I’ve taped a little in secret, but if she sees me she stops.
The other day we went hiking with my brother and my mom, and she was happily burbling away to my brother. She explained to him that “When it’s daytime, the sun comes up! And when it gets dark, the sun goes down.” That made him snort a bit.
