My older daughter has a big thing right now for ‘being animals’ … about 20 times a day I get “Mummy, what sort of animal are you?” and I get to say whatever - bear, cat,lizard, weedy seadragon…
So this morning we’re all being crocodiles at breakfast - Mummy Crocodile, Daddy Crocodile and three little crocodiles. Rachel Crocodile and Julia Crocodile are eating their Weetbix, which is “fish swimming in a milk river” (because crocodiles don’t eat bix, they eat meat) and krill sugar on top (they’re saltwater crocs, ok? :)) and we start talking about this guy and how you can make crocodiles let go of you if they’re eating you by poking them in the eye…
Rachel: Why did the man poke the crocodile in the eye?
Dad: Because it was eating his wife.
Me: So if you ever see a crocodile eating someone in your family, you should poke it in the eye to make it let go
Julia: Poke-a eye! Poke-a eye!
Me: Yes, he was poking the crocodile in the eye.
Julia: Poke-a eye MUMMY!
Me: No, you should definitely not poke mummy in the eye
Rachel: Unless she is a mummy crocodile! And she is eating your sibling.
Dad: Hmmm…tasty Daniel…
Parents together: NOM NOM NOM NOM!
I’m happy to report our eyes still in our sockets however
When my son was that age, he once said, “Thanks, Pirate Mommy” to me, and I knew I had received the highest compliment ever.
He’s now 3-1/2 and, up until about a month ago, seemed to think that “Happy Hallowe’en!” was a salutation. Everytime we arrived or left somewhere, he would pronounce to everyone, “Happy Hallowe’en!”
Last month, I took him to the barber shop to get a haircut. The barber was making small talk with him and asked him what he did. Son said, “I go fishing!” OK, he has never gone fishing in his life, but does pretend to fish off the side of the couch.
Still, the barber (a mid-20s, athletic-looking fellow) got excited and said, “Man, I love fishing! What kind of fish do you catch?”
Son looked at him in the mirror and said, “Yup, I go fishing with mommy, I poop in the potty, and I use the computer!” The entire place cracked up. The barber said, rather solemnly, “Sounds like a pretty good life there, bud.”
The elder of my nieces is a wee bit bossy. Well, sometimes more than a little bossy. She wanted to re-enact the Snow White story, which meant I had to be the bad queen and poison her.
I grabbed the top half of a bun–with sesame seeds-- from the play food container, and called it a cookie with sesame seeds. A poisoned cookie with sesame seeds.
She ate it and then played dead.
Her mother, from the other room, said “You told her it was poisoned and she ate it anyway?”
Well, yes, actually, that’s more or less what happened.
My 19 month old is apparently getting quite the mouth on him. Yesterday, as I was putting him in the car to leave for daycare, I gave him a kiss. He pointed a finger at me, and boldly said “NOT NICE, MOMMY!”.
:dubious:
My 2.5 year old nephew was drinking tea out of a Bud Light mug the other day. My mom said “Oh, you like Bud Light?” .
He rolled his eyes at her and said “No, I like Budweiser!”
I’m impressed that he knows that light beer is crap at such a young age.
Well, I guess we were both wrong. I showed her the butter and the bottle of vegetable oil, and asked her if either of them were the “yellow” that goes in the cake. She said no. So, now I’m hopelessly confused! Maybe it was a totally made-up ingredient…wouldn’t put that past her.
This morning, she did something super cute that I must share…
She was singing in the car to her brother. He just turned 1, and her nickname for him is Boots. She was singing, “Bootsie has little baby toes, Bootsie has little baby hands, Bootsie has a little baby head.” Unless she got that from school, she must have made it up, because I don’t think I’ve ever sung anything like that to him. Although I will now!
Oh my God, that’s hilarious.
I don’t have kids yet, but I remember when I was little we would take lots of road trips from our home in Milwaukee, Wisconsin to my mom’s folks’ home in Indiana. I thought the toll roads in Indiana were toad roads, and I decided it must be because there were lots of toads living in the ditches along the sides of the road.
My 5 year old nephew and I were playing at my parents house and we were just goofing around outside and from out of the blue he says, “I’m setting you on fire” and then he squinted his eyes and scrunched his face up and I was saying, “ouchy ouchy ouchy it’s hot” while trying not to laugh.
Well apparently my sister-in-law heard him say that and came outisde and scolded him saying, “CJ, we do not set people on fire!” and then he got all sad and said he was just pretending but he got a time out anyways.
Here’s a real example of a technique my brother and SIL used to do to my nephew, when he was older, whenever he would hurt himself to try to get him to stop crying. It only worked in certain circumstances though.
My nephew would be screwing around in the hallway running around and up and down the hallway. Then he would trip and hit his head on a closed door. Then he would start crying and my brother would go over to see what happened and the nephew would say he fell and hit his head on the door.
(Papa is the grandpa, my stepdad.)
Brother: “You fell and hit your head on Papa’s door?” Nephew with a sad look on his face and half-crying: “Yeeaah” Brother: “Well that wasn’t very nice I think you should go and apologize for hurting Papa’s door.”
**Nephew: ** “Ok”
Nephew walks over to Papa sitting in is chair reading.
Nephew rubbing his head with a sad look on his face: “Papa?” Papa: “Yes CJ?” Nephew: “Papa I’m sorry I fell and hit my head and hurt your door.” Papa: "Well are you ok? Nephew: “Yeeaah” Papa: “Oh it’s ok CJ now lets go make sure the door is okay and then get some ice cream.” Nephew all happy now that he gets ice cream: “Ok”
Now that he is 5 this technique works really well because he is really into baseball. So when we are out back playing baseball and he wants to hit the ball from one end of the yard where there is a high chance of him hitting the ball into a window I can say, “CJ we can’t hit from here because the ball might hit and hurt Papa’s windows.” and he’ll run to the other side of the yard and say, "Ok, I’ll hit from over here
My mother-in-law runs a daycare, so I’ve got tons of these.
One of her kids, a little boy who I think is about 4 years old, has a habit of telling really outlandish stories. One time, he had just finished telling a real whopper, and one of the other kids at the day care (a slightly older girl) looked at him and said “Lyin’ is bad.” He replied “Not baby lions!” and proceeded to launch into a description of “The Lion King”.
Half-term holiday. Grandchildren discuss which video to watch. We adults are concerned at the various ratings for different age groups. A film is suggested. Jack. aged eight, opines: "Grandma can’t see that. They say ‘motherfucker’.
Another one, a five-year-old girl was playing with a little toy pony. She was showing her toy to my wife, and my wife says something like “That’s a very pretty toy. Is it a My Little Pony?” The girl gets a horrified look on her face and snatches it back, emphatically declaring “No! It’s my pony!”
Today the Mighty_Kid and I were going to school, we were playing making noises. I make noises, she guesses the animal. I said “moo”, she says “it’s a moo-cow!”. I asked her, what are moo cows, she replies “they live in a farm”. I asked her “where do non-moo-cows live then?”. She replies, with voice full of condescension, “in houses, mommy!”.
OK, I have one more, if you can stand it. My daughter decided she wanted to play hide n seek today. But apparently, she’s a little unclear on the concept. We were in the kitchen, my husband started counting, and she ran in the next room, laughing hysterically, dropped to her knees in the middle of the room, and waited for him, laughing the whole time. Great hiding. So, I tell him to count again, and I’ll help her hide. I took her to the stairs, and told her to sit, be quiet, and wait for him to find her. “OK, mommy,” she says. I go back to the kitchen, he goes to find her, and I hear her yell out, “Daddy, I’m on the stairs!”
When my son was very little, we only had two videotapes, “Yellow Submarine” and “The Empire Strikes Back”. For a long time he thought that Darth Vader and “ele-vaders” were somehow connected.
In my family, the 4 year old had her own rules.
She took you by the hand, led you to a corner behind the couch, and told you to hide there.
Then she ran out of the room, came back a few seconds later, and found you.
My son is a little unclear on hide and seek as well. He’ll hide and then, as soon as he hears you say, “Ready or not, here I come!” he bursts out of his hiding place and yells, “Mommy! You found me!”
I believe that there is great joy in being found, as there should be.
OK, he has never gone fishing in his life, but does pretend to fish off the side of the couch.
