Way to backpedal, sweetcheeks. Your hostile comments in your recent posts make it hard to believe that you are telling the whole truth about your intentions and attitudes.
Instead of accusing us of being slackers who read the Dope instead of working, how about thanking us for taking the time to reply.
And you are guilty beyond a reasonable doubt of selective reading. You said:
Excuse me?
My first post is #11.
Here it is again for your reference:
How is that drivel. And where is the derision? I even acknowledged that you might have used poor phrasing that did not accurately convey your genuine feelings and intent.
Except for those of us on the first page? :dubious:
Thank you for your kind words. I hope that they are sincere. I’m sure many of us are speaking from a place of experience. I certainly am. We know firsthand the damage that can occur from one party taking sole control of the sex life, and also the results of marrying someone with fundamental differences in sexual attitudes. Naturally we identify with your fiance, because we’ve been victims of the type of spouse that you presented yourself as.
This is the Straight Dope Message Board, not teen chat. People here know what a nymphomaniac is. Of course everyone is aware of the slang definition of “nympho,” but we are also aware of the importance of clarity in writing. Next time, if you want to say you have a high sex drive, just say you have a high sex drive.
On another note: Have you ever had a Brazilian before? Been waxed at all? Because some people react really badly to waxing. I’m speaking from experience here. I’ve had my legs waxed twice, at two different reputable salons, and I still have marks from the rashes I got. And those weren’t even Brazilian waxes. So get one if you like, but you might want to wait until after the honeymoon.
Because 'Mika’s thoughtful post was #6. First page.
The OP specifically said, “ITo be honest, it took almost a full page before anyone really started addressing the quesitons I put in the OP. I asked questions and got derision and drivel.”
Therefore, Anaamika’s conclusion that the OP didn’t consider her comments “constructive, helpful and insightful” is valid.
Well, yeah, except the information presented did not mention a unilateral decision. It didn’t mention one way or the other. Instead of giving her the benefit of the doubt, a lot of people made an assumption and then impugned her character.
Kudos to the many people who at least considered that it might be a joint decision and that she is just toying with the idea. To me, that’s a much more productive way of fighting ignorance.
Yes, I have had a Brazillian. I used to get them frequently, but was never particularly fond of them. I have a reputable spa that does them and I have no fears on that.
Regarding the early posts, most of them either berated me or just asked more questions, like: “Why the hell would you want to stop having sex? Does sex make you feel good? Are you deciding this on your own?” That’s not advice. Those are more questions. Granted, they are questions that make you think, but they are questions, not advice.
I wanted advice on specific questions and people did not start to answer those questions until much later, yourself included.
And I’m out. I refuse to subject myself to this. Mods, please close this thread.
That is the problem with this board. People may post individual opinions but generally the OP gets the message of the collective, which in this case was very negative. Put on the defensive by this collective voice, she responded back in a negative way with a blanket assessment of the collective voice. Naturally everyone feels slighted! What a magical place!
If you can’t deal with these kind of comments, you may as well find another board. Your own OP raised more questions than it answered, and you are upset that you got questions?
Plus –
?? I’ve read virtually no defensive posts here except your own.
To answer the OP – I’ve never been married, and I can’t remember a period of self-imposed celibacy in any relationship I’ve ever been in. It does seem to me that if you put a lot of importance on the sex on your wedding night, you might be severely disappointed. It’s going to be an exhausting day.
But I was in one relationship where, for a couple of reasons, we decided to wait for a month before our first time. It was a month of pre-foreplay. When we finally got to it… Oh my. Yes, the sexual tension we had built up had a tremendous release.
Good grief. You wrote a terrible post and your mad at people for reading it wrong.
Now , even worse, you are mad at the folks that asked questions so they could get more info to actually GIVE you some useful advice (or even just figure out what your post actually meant).
Those arent questions that make you think. Those are questions people NEEDED to know to help you.
A poorly worded request for advice with virtually no supporting info is about as useless as tits on a boar hog.
While I think there were quite a few rude responses to your OP and a lot of projection (hint: Someone can’t ‘withhold’ something unless you assumed it is owed to you), you can’t ask a question outside of GQ (or even in GQ) and expect nothing but clear, factual answers. Especially when it comes to sex. So all people can do is offer their own direct or indirect experiences, similar experiences or ask you more questions to clarify.
And even then, no two couples have the same experience. If your SO has had premature ejaculation problems that you’ve worked through, building up to a big event may be a horrible idea. But if waiting only makes it better for you, it could be an excellent idea.
The best advice is IMHO, as several Dopers pointed out, that you may be too tired or drunk on your wedding night to have good sex or any sex at all – so rather than building up to one magic, perfect night, make it about your wedding day and then start the crazy sex-filled honeymoon whenever you two are feeling your best.
She didn’t address the collective voice. She addressed where the specific posts that she liked started.
Billfish summed up the problem nicely.
Tdn–gimme a break. You love this place. You’ve just had a few too many threads backfire on you.
And you, olives-you’ve been here long enough to know that the very fact that people will give coherent negative opinions is one of the things that make this board so valuable. I mean, have you even read other boards? Someone will post something like “I’m thinking of cheating on my husband with my boss” and get responses like “New love is so special!” or “ur a slut.”
Serenata–glad to hear that you’ve had Brazilians before. Having that kind of rash on your honeymoon…yowch!