But you voluntarily went into a salon looking for a haircut. The fact that it was was a shave instead doesn’t really have bearing on Jen’s case. You gave that person permission to take length off your hair. Jen did not.
And for those wondering how Jen didn’t know, it’s perfectly possible that she felt Susan doing something with her braid, but they were friends, Jen was in conversation with someone else and may have been used to Susan playing with her braid. (Examining it for spit ends, per the snarky comment?) Jen probably trusted Susan enough to let her futz with her braid (Some people like having their hair played with - I hate it) and that’s why the cutting was such a betrayal and an invasion.
I once got so furious that I actually saw red… until then, I’d thought “seeing red” was just an expression.
Someone doing that to my hair would have meant me needing to grab the bar to avoid choking them, inserting the scissors into delicate body parts, or other activities the law frowns upon.
I hesitate to call anything ‘unforgivable’, because that’s always up to the person doing (or not doing) the forgiving. It’s all about context. If this was indeed a ‘last straw’ thing, then so be it. On the other hand, if it had truly been a drunken stupid thing done by an otherwise good friend, I could see letting it go.
But I really don’t get this “it’s just hair” thing. Sure, it’s just hair, but it’s MY hair, so you don’t really get to decide what’s done with it. As violations of one’s person go, it’s pretty egregious.
Not just a girl’s hair - anyone’s hair. It’s a total insult. One of my male friends has very long hair, he’s a bit of a rocker, and it’s his thing to have long hair. About 7 or 8 years ago one of the guys cut about five inches off it and my friend went bananas. Rightly so. Sure, we all joke about him having long hair, there’s something we all get teased for, but to cut it? Completely intrusive and never, ever OK.
If I had nice long hair(even if I didn’t, which I don’t), and a so-called friend cut it, this is what would happen - in no particular order:
They would pay for rectifying it
I would tell them I was considering filing charges with the police for assault
I would make them suffer with that for a while as I probably wouldn’t actually go to the police
I would never consider them a friend again, in as much as I would never speak to them, attend their wedding, attend their funeral, or have any involvement in anything that happens to them ever ever ever.
They were BOTH drunk if Jenn didn’t realise what had happened immediately, and waited until the next day to whinge about the event.
Hair grows back. It really does!!
Susan acknowledged that she’d done the wrong thing by offering to pay for a decent haircut at the hairdressers. That’s tantamount to an apology anyway.
I’d say the two need to go out on the town AGAIN (minus scissors) and have a good laugh and a cry about what happened, and then have a big hug and make up.
D’uh. :rolleyes:
I also have really thick hair that (until recently) grew very quickly. At the longest point, it was almost down past my knees. At any time in the history of my hair, I would’ve been absolutely furious had someone cut it without my knowledge, especially since I paid for a semester of university with my hair. I cut off 31 inches and made $3000 after only having it up on the auction block for a week. The longer the hair, the more you can sell it for. Four inches can mean hundreds of dollars.
Why is it disappointing? Who are you to tell others what they should find value in when it comes to their own bodies? I’m a tomboy with a dirty job who currently owns no make up and I find that doing my few-inches-past-my-shoulders-hair is now the difference for me in being dressed up or not. Since my hair now only grows at a rate of a half inch each month, cutting four inches off would take eight months to recover from and, while I needed the money when I cut my hair and was worried about the state of my hair in the forest, having long hair is something I’m again striving for. Long hair is a part of my identity; it’s a way for me to feel beautiful beyond just putting on a dress, and it’s one way in which I’ve been feminine even when my voice and dress are not. You may not see much value in maintaining or displaying femininity (and neither did I until I took on this job where it’s impossible to be feminine at work), but you have no right to judge others negatively who do find value in such acts.
Jen DID realize what happened immediately. Especially since Susan waved the cut off portion in her face. I don’t know if you’ve ever had long hair, but it’s perfectly possible to have someone touch your hair and play with it without feeling it. Even if Jen HAD realized that Susan was touching her hair, she probably didn’t realize that she was actually cutting it. That sort of thing is just Not Done by grownups.
So you’re going to continue to persist in characterizing this as “just a bad haircut”, huh? And ignore the the fact that Jen in no way gave consent or even had an opportunity to decline. Interesting rationale.
One can say the same about a rape victim, and in fact the therapy for recovering from sexual assault or other traumatic event is to understand and process that while you may not have had the ability to control the situation, you can control how you respond to your reactions to it. This isn’t on the same scale as a sexual assault by several notches, but it isn’t just a little lapse in courtesy; it was an assault, a violation of Jen’s person, and it was a criminal act.
Did you even read the o.p.?
No, an apology sounds something like this: “I’m sorry I did this really stupid thing, and I realize that I was out of control that my behavior is unacceptable, and I promise that I won’t ever do something like this again. Oh, and I’ll pay for you to go to a hairdresser and get this fixed.” Just offering to pay for it without contrition or a promise of better behavior in the future is not an apology of any sort.
Maybe the Care Bears should join them. Or they can waltz through an alpine meadow, singing to the hills.
So it’s OK to take someone down a peg if they’re flaunting their looks/hair? This kind of makes me feel uncomfortable as someone who’s been on the receiving end of that kind of attention. (Not hair cutting, but general jealousy.)
She didn’t take her hair down until the following day - rather than have a more-or-less straight across cut, it was wildly lopsided. I can see how staring at that in the mirror would be very disheartening.
And offering to pay for a haircut isn’t an apology. Saying that she was sorry would be an apology. Paying for the haircut without saying sorry is more like, “Shut up about your hair already,” all over again.
Yes, hair grows back, but we also know that Jen loves her hair and she gets a lot of attention for it. It’s like slashing a beloved leather bag or breaking naturally-long nails and being annoyed that the person can’t take a joke, and you’ve offered to pay for a repair job/a manicure. Who does stupid crap like that as a joke? People would like to think their friends are a step above the aforementioned drunk guys at parties who scribble on their friends and post the pics on Facebook.
Since when is wearing a braid and mentioning that it’s time for a trim “flaunting your locks”?? And it’s ok to damage, to violate someone, if you’re drunk?
Just chiming in with my $.02 – It’s such an odd story I don’t know what I would think either. I agree that it’s not the same as having a finger broken, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a big deal. If it were me, it’s the sorta thing that I might end the friendship over, if it really were the last straw. Or if it’s a good friend who had a brain fart, I’d just chase her around the bar with the scissors and then we’d both get kicked out. But since Jenn was the person who got her hair cut off, I think it’s her prerogative to take it as seriously as she wants. I personally wouldn’t go as far as assault, but at the same time if you don’t want to be charged with assault then don’t cut off people’s hair in bars.
AFAIC, that is way, far beyond the boundaries of appropriate. Jenn has every right to be horrified and ragingly pissed off. It is NEVER cool to alter someone’s appearance without their permission. Magic marker on the face at a frat party is one thing; that can be washed off.
Also, some people attach religious significance to not cutting their hair. I can’t imagine in what world that would be okay to just reach over and snip off someone’s braid. I probably would have clocked her right there on the spot.
Regarding restitution: Several months ago, I was at a happy hour with several friends. One girl was trying to keep up with her friend who has more of an alcohol tolerance. Upshot: The trying-to-keep-up girl ended up puking all over me, my barstool, and my leather jacket. Bleargh.
I got the wine stains out of my sweater. We mopped up the bar and barstool a bit. But I knew that the only way to get the smell of wine vomit out of leather was going to be to take it to the cleaners. And all the cleaners send leather out to be specially done. I was without my jacket for three weeks. This girl offered to pay for my dry cleaning, but she obviously had never had a leather jacket cleaned. The cost was $42 (I thought that was pretty reasonable for leather cleaning). The puker only gave me $20 and promised to pay the rest next time she saw me.
I am still waiting.
If this Jenn should decide to allow Susan to pay for her hair appointment, I would strongly recommend that Jenn have cash in hand before she makes the appointment. It sounds like Susan would gladly stiff Jenn for a $300 hair appointment. Chick is too sketchy to trust her to wait for reimbursement.
I’m very much “meh” when it comes to my own hair, but from what I understand, fking with a woman’s hair is more on par with fking with a guy’s vintage car that he’s lovingly restored with his bare hands. It’s doesn’t matter if the car has zero resale value because it’s a really a piece of junk, it’s the dude’s car project.
Plus, it was an assault on the woman’s body. It didn’t cause her any physical pain, but it did cause her anguish. If you spend years growing your hair… man, I guess that would be like me taking years to learn how to sew and make my own shirt, and then have some asshole come by, cut it off my back and then say: “What? Here’s some money, just go buy another shirt.”
No. That’s a foreseeable and easily avoided consequence of doing something stupid. Shaving off someone’s eyebrow is a lot worse, but I wouldn’t feel overly sorry for the person that it happened to. I think both actions are unacceptable, but anybody who frequents frat parties knows that if they don’t want to get messed with, they shouldn’t drink enough to pass out.
(Note that this does NOT apply to sexual assault)
A person can be toxic without being malevolent.
First of all, even if Jen was prancing around saying “I’m the prettiest girl in the world and my hair is so gorgeous,” there is no excuse for cutting off her hair. If someone is being incredibly obnoxious, appropriate actions might include ignoring her, making fun of her, complaining about her, taking it up with her verbally when she’s sober, and/or cooling down the friendship. But Jen wasn’t being obnoxious, except in Susan’s mind.
Secondly, the OP said they weren’t “so drunk that they didn’t know what they were doing.” Alcohol probably played a role, but it didn’t cause the incident.
