Some of you know that I am bipolar, and that at times this has resulted in my cutting myself. I’ve done this a lot, since I was a teenager. (some of you remember a picture I posted here) I have scars all up my left forearm and to a lesser degree my right forearm. I made most of these cuts with razor blades, X-acto knives, or safety pins. I also used to use my pocket knife (blade and saw) to cut my fingers open, or I’d push thumbtacks into them.
Anyway, you might be interested… there is an original movie on the USA network tonight at 9pm called “Secret Cuttings” that apparently addresses people who do this. http://www.usanetwork.com/movies/secretcutting/
Thanks, Opal. I saw the previews for that and thought I might try to watch it. I had a friend in high school(who was cruelly nicknamed by the assholes n the school Slash) who did that, I never quite understood it.
OpalCat - {{{hugs}}} I know a few cutters, some of whom also have anorexia or MPD. I know for them it is often hard to control, but making them promise never to do it again is unrealistic, and just makes them feel worse when they inevitably cut the next time. To me, controlling doesn’t neccesarily mean stopping, but taking it one day at a time, learning to control the stress, but cutting if you have to. I wish you all the best.
one of my ex-girlfriends was bi-polar, she went through the same thing. spent many months with her in the hospital too, it wasn’t fun. she refused to take any medication, and ultimately had to be admitted full time. twice in college i was rushed out of a class by her room mate to break into her room and save her from cutting herself again. she even tried breaking the blades out of those cheap plastic shaving razors. she would rip off the metal hang tab from pens that are used to hold the pens in pockets, and cut herself with the edge of that too. have seen the previews, but i don’t get cable anymore, (just don’t like tv too much), but would love to hear reviews by anyone who has seen it.
by the way Opal, nice site, very well done.
Hey Opal, we seem to have some things in common. I am still in the midst of trying to get out of the cycle. Do you know of any way to see the film via internet, I am in the UK so won’t be seeing it on the telly.
Thanks for bringing it to people’s attention. Hopefully the movie and more discussion of the issue will start to change society’s perception of self cutters as ‘freaky’ and other such labels.
Hugs Opal
Opal,
I can completely understand what you have done. I used to cut myself, not long after I got out of the Air Force. I was able to come to grips with my problem and have only cut myself once in the past 5 years and now I doubt I will ever do it again.
Although I’m sure our reasons for cutting differ (I felt the need to be punished, for reasons I do not wish to go into now) the problem is the same and I wish you all the best of luck.
I lived with this behavior for about fifteen years (I also got into burning and head-banging; it’s a wonder I didn’t do permanent brain damage) and have a boatload of nasty scars to show for it, mostly on my arms, hands, and my back as far down as the bottom of my shoulder blades. I have never been diagnosed as bi-polar, and don’t think I am, but I was deeply depressed during many of those years and this was certainly part of that whole picture. As Bratman007 said, I’m sure everyone’s specific reasons differ, but it is (was) a powerful coping mechanism that I could not have stopped no matter how I tried. I’m happy to report that since overcoming my depression (for the most part) some eight years ago, the self-injuring behavior has stopped and I no longer feel any compulsion at all toward it. During times of stress it occasionally occurs to me as a possibility, but it lacks the compulsive power and attraction it used to have, and the thought generally passes harmlessly enough on its own.
Sympathy to all who have/have had to deal with this, as it is both painful and perplexing, especially to the people around you, if your activities aren’t completely hidden. I don’t know if you could possibly explain it so that it made sense to someone who hasn’t experienced it. And I know I’m not the only one, but I am living proof that it isn’t necessarily a lifelong behavior (which I would not have believed when I was doing it).
I don’t have cable so I won’t see the show; too bad, as I would be interested. This seems to be one of the few subjects you still never hear about on talk shows or in magazines, so I’m always curious when it is mentioned.
Too bad I don’t have cable, (or a television, for that matter), this is a subject that I, like many of you, have something of a personal interest in… I used to cut myself sometimes. Somewhat more dangerously, I also let others cut me. My arms are relatively free of scars, but I have some extremely deep scars on my torso and back. I can not wear anything even remotely low-cut, due to the large, nasty scars across both my breasts, courtesy one extremely sadistic ex-girlfriend, who was only too pleased to oblige me in these matters… Fortunately, I have been free of any self-mutilatory desires for a couple of years now. Note: Since this time, I have tested negative for hepatitis. If the danger had occurred to me at the time, I probably never would have consented to any of this, and I’d probably be a lot happier with my body-image today…
I was just thinking about this last night while I was studying genetic disorders. There’s an X-linked metabolic disorder known as Lesch-Nyhan Syndrome, which involves a deficient enzyme and a buildup of uric acid. It presents in young children with the rather bizarre dyad (characteristic pair of symptoms) of gout and self-mutilating behavior.
The connection between the mind and the body will never cease to fascinate me, even as I often find it horrifying.
To Opal, and the others who deal with or have dealt with this–I’m glad you’re able to get help, and I’m sorry that people judge without understanding.
Opal and others,
I was seeing a girl that is a cutter, and she has some extreme emotional problems, that I thought were due to rape and other issues growing up. Maybe, though, it is a combination of that and other issues. Can anyone else share insight into the “why” part of cutters. Unfortunately, I don’t have cable, so I won’t be able to watch the show.
Any information is greatly appreciated, as this person kind of screwed up my head, and understanding the why’s helps me help myself.
I can’t speak for everyone here, but for myself, it was due to emotional problems. I was suffering from survivor’s guilt and felt the need to be punished. I have since worked out my problems and don’t do it anymore. For those who suffer from bi-ploar depression, I’m sure their needs and reasons for doing this are quite different.
Thanks Sqrl, I mistakenly thought that link was just a blurb on the movie, not the condition. She fits the bill, pretty much to a T. She doesn’t want to get treatment and is scared of prescribed medicine. A very frustrating combination, I wish I knew how to help. I’ve shared my concerns, and actually offered to pay for counseling out of my pocket. There’s not much one can do, though, if the other person doesn’t want to help themself.
Thanks for the link and the insight, Opal. Sometimes the toughest roads lead to great places other people never see. I never understood the urge to cut oneself, and probably still don’t. I mean “understand” in the sense of the visceral punch that says, “yeah, okay, that’swhy.” You know, the light bulb of true understanding lighting up.
Hey, Opal. For me it’s biting the inside of my lip and hitting the side of my head real hard with the butt of my hand. You ladies should really go for something that doesn’t leave visible marks if you want to keep it a secret. The Prozac helps, but not always. More like a bad habit now.
I’m new so I didn’t know about your bi-polarity. Are you getting good, successful help? Are you sick of being asked? I hope so on both counts. For a pack of wiseasses the people here seem to care a lot and I’m sure they’ve been nagging you.
I have struggled with almost the same problem for years. I don’t actually cut, it’s more like I scratch the same area repeatedly or hit it repeatedly with a heavy object. It started when I was dating an emotionally abusive guy and I was going through some other really emotional times also (mother sick, grandfather died, sexual anxiety, weight gain…) I have several scars on my arms from scraping all the skin off. I was told once by some weirdo psychologist that I more than likely had a chemical imbalance that was causing my adrenaline flow to go unchecked (too much adrenaline being released at once, not enough whatever being released to stop the adrenaline) but my mother thinks that psychotherapy and psychological are for people too weak to help themselves so I never got a definitive diagnosis. I’m thinking about getting some help now.
Not-Really-Evil-Beth, get help today! You will be so happy that you did. The only regret I had after taking care of my little problem was that I had waited so long. You have a right to pursue happiness, no matter what your mother says.
And what they can do with chemicals today! We are truly surrounded by miracle drugs, and they are not dope! They are much more like vitamins–something your body needs that it doesn’t get naturally. Prozac is not some happy pill. It just helps your brain process the signals it already has more efficiently. Your thinking is clearer, the delusions go away, and you end up needing only minimal therapy because you are no longer nuts. Therapists are being bored silly by properly medicated patients who have become normal, as if by magic. Freudians are being put out of business because people don’t have to be neurotic anymore.
