I’m mostly just venting, so don’t start scrambling to find me some answers. Also I’ve ran down about every avenue I can think but I’m just turning up empty.
There is, apparently not a single agency or association or business who can watch/keep or stay with mom.
EVERY SINGLE PLACE I have called has punted me off to someone else. Many of them are pushing me off on several other people.
My State Agency on Aging shrugged and gave me the number to the NATIONAL ALZ hotline, who I called AND THEY TOLD ME TO CALL MY LOCAL AGENCY ON AGING.
I have been told the agency I need has been shut down.
What’s more, all the info my APS agent gave me is useless and/or just simply not true. Nothing malicious, they just throw names and numbers and don’t quite have the details straight. Stuff like “oh she gets free legal aid so make sure your lawyer knows.” NO, she can call Legal Aid for a free consultation, not even remotely the same thing. Again, well intended but she gave me a list of respite centers and none of them do that. One of them, called [My State] Foundation gives you a list of “press this or that number” and every single number says it’s invalid. “Press 0 to speak to the front desk. Zero is not a valid entry…”
I tried Visiting Angels and Home Instead–both of them said they needs weeks ahead to do assessments and none of them do short-duration, there’s week(s) long minimums.
Same with in-patient facilities.
Every single place I have called is a dead end. I’ve called all the offices our agent gave us, then called all the agencies they told me to call. There simply does not exist any possible solution to me GETTING MY WEDDING NIGHT ALONE other than me just finding someone I trust and paying them. And I had someone lined out, but they have turned ill and I’m worried about them even staying alive much longer.
As if all of this wasn’t aggravating enough, mom is just the worst the last few days. I mean she’s the worst of all worlds–she’s remembering enough to be mad and upset but can’t remember enough for us to be able to find a solution. She’s super bent out of shape I won’t leave her alone after my wedding. She’s angry and demanding things, like she keeps demanding to get in the car and just leave. I can’t explain anything in any manner that isn’t upsetting. When I tell her I have an APS case open against me and that dad many years ago assigned me as her guardian, how I can’t just “let her go” do anything because I’m responsible for her safety, that just makes her feel like she has no control or any say so. I legitimately do not know how to handle it, because this all started because she’s indignant she can’t be alone. There’s no excuse good enough for why someone else needs to be here. She’s mad the doctors won’t tell her anything (they have) and even when she reads their paperwork, she just shuts down. She keeps asking why dad would have let this go so long without her knowing…
ALZ is fucked up enough just by the nature of it. The fact that NO ONE wants to touch an ALZ patient without a long pole and a hazmat suit and a million months notice just proves what an impossible disease this is. Even the places I’ve called who list “Memory Care” on their sites balk when I tell them she can’t remember she can’t remember. “Oh we’re not set up to handle that…”
All I know is at some point in my life I’ve clearly upset a witch.