Many of you have a goddamn gift for venting yourfucking spleens over every goddamn little thing. But I can’t seem to get the venom up over any pissstain thing, Starbucks, the Presdent, the jerk in line at the grocery store, my co-workers. I mean yes, I get annoyed over lots of things but I usually forget about it pretty quickly. What fucking donkey raping shit eater I am.
So this rant is for me for being such a even keeled pisswasd who can’t seem to get pissed too badly at anything.
Fuck me! Fuck me right in the ear! Fuck, this rant even sucks because I can’t get the bile in my throat. Gawd, I suck!
I know exactly how you feel. I have a realy hard time finding stuff that I feel is worthy of the Pit, but man, some of the people here are pure geniuses at it. I bow to you all.
1)** Lack of sleep** - This never fails to get me on edge and ready to chew someone’s head off. With my PS2 addiction and strange work hours, this one is nearly always at the serface.
2) Competitiveness - I used to play baseball, but can’t anymore due to a knee injury. There’s little I can do to take out my aggression now, since most strenuous physical activites are forbidden for me without a ton of preparation. Low-impact exercise is about all I can do, since concrete or similar hard surfaces will tear my knee to shreds.
3) Mental illness - No, I’m not joking. I’m on meds for depression. A bad mood swing always has to go somewhere.
4) Shitty job - This is a big one. Non-stop bullshit for 8 hours a day always leaves me cranky. Now give a competitive, sleep-deprived person whose edgy because of a chemical imbablance a line of bullshit to do for 8 hours and you’ve got yourself a time bomb.
You can always do what I do, and eliminate all sense of rationality, reason, and calmness from the fiber of your being before you post. Sure, this leaves you in a feral rage most of the time, and you tend to pound the keys so hard it snaps the keyboard in half, but hey… you come away with some real gems, you hooflicking vessel of three-day-old monkey cum.
Son of a bitch! What the fuck is that?! SERface?! I know I spelled it SURface! What the hell is going on here? This keyboard has one gaddamned job - ONE - to put the right letters up when I type them, but it can’t even do that right. Motherfucker! It’s these piece of shit keyboards at work, they’re so cheap here they don’t give us proper keyboards where we know where the letters are going to be, oh NO! They get these cheap ass, fucked up by the manufacturer keyboards where the “E” is next to the “R” and the “Q” is first. Where the fuck are these people from that the “Q” comes first?! Everybody knows “A” comes first! Why can’t we get some real keyboards in here with the proper alphebet on them instead of these pieces of shit, encoding for only tech-heads and secretaries to use?
And “imbablance”? I KNOW I didn’t type “imbablance”! This is such bullsith.
Bullsith? That’s it! I’m destroying the piece of shit baboon clit licking pus-fucking keyboard made by blackhead-sucking mother-munging dickweasels once and for all!
aeot;hbaeon netioj;g nzsriojnaiet hfzmsdkmzd n, m
n tgun na;iymnj fgh,it885e3kbm a;,/maeq35uk;
*
1)Lack of sleep - As of this moment I’ve gone 27 fucking hours without sleep. Someone must have disemboweled the sandman cause I cannot fall asleep. Don’t you start to hallucinate after a certain time period without sleep? I can’t wait!
2)Competiveness - Why in the name of chocolate amphibians on a stick am I not as good a poster as Crunchy Frog? I can’t believe I’m less popular than a fucking appetizer.
3)Mental Illness - You know my collection of prozac ain’t just a hobby!
4)Work - Reset the AWC controller’s main switch before installing the OS. There is a complicated startup procedure that this documentation cannot inform you of as the engineer who has that information was unable to relay it to me, the bored out of his skull tech writer, in a timely manner. In any case, best of luck with the controller and do try to guess the correct sequence as these automation controllers are kinda pricey.
Now I have to be off, as my first hallucination has arrived. I was hoping for something a hell of a lot more interesting than a winged green gnome, but I’m not sure what kind of leverage I have in this situation. I think I’ll try a crowbar on his fuzzy head.
No doubt, I’ll be wondering several days from now why I crushed a lampshade with a crowbar.
Tretiak, you are blessed blessed blessed. I wish I could be as even-keeled. Though I must say I’m making progress. A few weeks ago I was carrying a huge jug of liquid laundry detergent down the steps, and the loose lid jiggled off and I musta spilled several CUPS of it all over my floor.
My reaction was no stronger than “Wow. My life would sure be easier if that hadn’t happened…” More normal for me woulda been to throw the rest of the jug across the room.
Maybe you’re getting laid too regularly? I know Crunchy didn’t mention it, but horny frustration also helps to ratchet up the short-fuse factor.
I am not an appetizer. I am a confectionery or (as I sometimes call myself when I’m alone in the bathroom) a sweetmeat, you geletinous gob of three-toed sloth spooge.
I didn’t mention it because I don’t have that problem.
Ok, ok, the truth is I missed one, are you happy now? Remind me of my failrue!
DAMMIT! “Failrue?” FUCK THIS KEYBOARD!!!
achnwhnc bhaeq35u890u cvbh35jhu3q0 89
Try lower back pain. Just back from three days off because I couldn’t sit upright and everyone thinks it is so fucking funny. I suggested they polish their genitals with sandpaper.
I just woke up. Funny, I don’t recall posting in this thread. Apparently I’ve made a close friend out of Cranky and pissed off a green confectionary. Defintely a win win! (Though I doubt Crunchy is really pissed off at me, he only calls his favorite posters sloth spooge.)
Tretiak,
A deranged mind is a gift that not all humans inherit. I pity those even-tempered individuals who were deprived of hyper-critical families, continually blaming them for everything that went wrong; thereby, destroying any sense of self-worth and forcing them to anticipate criticism and proactively attack a suspected adversary. Not everyone can be blessed in this way. You can, however, learn from these gifted individuals. Start slowly, beginning with minor, intermittent bouts of self-loathing. Over time, you can build up to a solid basis of paranoia and emotional instability. It will take hard work, since you weren’t lucky enough to have a family caring enough to teach you at an early age. I’m sure, with adequate determination, you can overcome this handicap.
Are you a female? If so…three little letters: P…M…S. After a bad bout, I find myself spewing all sorts of “Exorcist”-esque profanities on the Pit. And if you’re male…well, you’ve got something to rant about if your SO has it rough.
I always feel kind of bad afterwards, but well, I guess I’m a prisoner of my hormones, or something.
Some of these kebyoards are hopless at spelligna. However, I must point out that if you are trying to spell surface and come pu with serface, the probmel is not the kebyoard, the probmel is you.
The letter e is more than two inches form the letter u on my kebyoard.
Please, in the future use Prevert a bit more often.
I find it helps to imagine that you’re drunk, just broke the key off in the front door, and stubbed your toe as you stumbled into the priceless ming Vase in the front hall. You know, the one that wasn’t insured, and is now cutting your palms with jagged shards as you pick yourelf up?
Or, you could imagine you’ve just read the ingredients of a "Crunchy Frog, right after having eaten a “Spring Surprise”.
