Ever since I recieved the invitation to my step-sister’s wedding I have been bugged by the dilema of whether to go or not.
Cons
I don’t know my step-sisters (twins) that well, and I know their SOs even less well. I have to travel a long way (including a boat trip across the Irish sea), and organise somewhere to stay. I am not sure what condition my suit is in or whether it fits. I don’t like ‘special occasions’ and feel uncomfortable at them.
Pros
Going will eliminate the need to explain myself and the offense of declining the invitation. I get to see the people I do know well (brothers, dad, nieces, stepmother etc…) and hanging around with them will make me feel a little less awkward.
Fact is I’ve virtually decided to go. But I still feel bugged by it.
Maybe going will help you get to know your step-sisters and their SOs a little better. And your father especially will be happy to see you-- big occasions like weddings are a nice time to see the whole family together, get a good picture taken.
Good food. Open bar. Are you single? There will be misty-eyed bridesmaids swayed by the romance of the whole thing.
I’m weird, but I love weddings - I grin every time I get an invitation to one.
And as someone who’s getting married soon, I know there are some family members that I’m not entirely close to, but it means a lot to me that they will come. I’m sure it will mean a lot to your stepsister if you’re there. And it’s free food and booze - what beats that?
Ok, the food and booze thing I didn’t think about. That’s a pro.
I dread the thought of one of those misty-eyed bridesmaids asking me to dance. Because I can’t. The thought of dancing makes me tense up. That’s a con.
I wonder exactly how much booze would make me feel ok about getting up and moving my body about in time with music.
Hit the minibar before you go to the reception:). And if you don’t want to dance, don’t dance - just thank them for asking and politely decline. If you need an excuse, just tell them you haven’t seen your family in a while, and you’d like to spend time with them.
Besides, just about every wedding I’ve been in or been to lately has had married bridesmaids - so their husbands might not appreciate it if they ask you to dance:).
But it’s not free food and booze, unless he can get to the wedding without paying for passage.
(Besides, I thought you stopped drinking, Lobsang)
The way I would decide this is, do I want to go or do I feel I have to go? If I want to go, I’ll go. Otherwise, why bother? For other people’s benefit? Whatever. Decline the invitation with a lovely and gracious (and vague) hand-written note wishing them all the best for the day and in the future, and don’t feel guilty.
I stopped drinking regularly. I still drink in ‘normal’ situations such as when I go across to visit my dad, we have a few beers in the evening. Or when out for a meal where wine or beer is offered.
Part of me actually wants to go. I just have a kind of irrational fear of special occasions. I am almost certain I will have fun, but can’t help feeling slightly anxious beforehand.
I’d go. The pros outweigh the cons. They’ll almost surely seat you with your family. If a bridesmaid asks you to dance, do it. Teary-eyed, shmeary-eyed. Pretend she has allergies. Close your eyes and pretend it’s “insert name here”. At the end of the dance, thank the bridesmaid. Then be thankful that it wasn’t insert name here’s toes you stepped on. Have another drink and ask the bridesmaid to dance again! LOL
Try on your suit now. If it doesn’t fit, get a new one. That way, you’ll have a suit for the next time you “have” to go somewhere. (Don’t mean to sound harsh, but it could be a funeral that you don’t have time to go suit-shopping for). If it does fit, get a dry cleaning so you’re all “fresh” (or whatever men consider themselves in a freshly cleaned suit).
Special occasions suck. I can’t stand them, myself. But by the time I get there, I’m always glad I came. If they would only be “jeans and tshirt required”, I’d be all set. It’s the dressing up and the kissy kissy stuff that sucks. By the time they’re serving you the Pumpkin Soup (and you’ve eaten all the bread in the basket), you’ll thank us for telling you to go.
Consider it a gift to yourself (to see your family). Just consider the wedding secondary to your “family reunion”. The newlyweds won’t even notice. They’ll barely have time to thank you for coming. Rat bastards!
I agree with the “go” crowd. For me, it usually requires six beers or five shots (or cocktails) before I feel comfortable getting my groove on. It isn’t that alcohol gives me rhythm; it’s that it makes the people pointing and laughing look blurry
Besides, one of those bridesmaids might give great head :eek:
Every wedding I’ve been to has had a cluster of non-dancing men attached to the bar (even if they weren’t drinking). They are usually talking about hunting or fishing. I suspect that in other parts of the world, the men may not hunt or fish, but the cluster will be at the bar talking soccer or car repair or something. If you don’t want to dance, you could join the cluster.
Or, if a misty-eyed bridesmaid asks you to dance, it’s not so much that she wants to dance as that she’s interested in you. You wanna dance, you dance with the other bridesmaids. You wanna talk to Bridzilla’s cute stepbrother with the adorable accent, you ask him to dance.
I probably shouldn’t have told you that. Perhaps that makes the dance request even more high-pressure. Oh, well, if it happens, tell the girl that you don’t dance, but invite her to sit down and have a drink with you.
Ask your stepmother about the level of formality. You may not have to spruce up the suit; you may be able to get away with dark pants and a nice shirt. It can’t hurt to check.
As for getting over the whole “I can’t dance so I dread dancing” thing, may I suggest taking dance lessons? Nothing gets you over “everyone’s looking at me” like a whole class full of people as schlubby as you, getting together and learning to dance properly once a week. After three years of formal dance lessons, I’ll start dancing a salsa or meringue with my husband damned near anywhere. And besides, learning to dance properly is a much-overlooked, but still in demand social skill today. Women really do like guys that can dance. Really. I’m not kidding.
(And you don’t have to get very good to wow the crowds - if you can do two steps properly, that’s usually two steps more than most of the people watching. And don’t forget - lots of single women at dance class :D.)
Not much to say really - The speeches were funny, occasion well organised, food good, beer constant, dancing father funny, family a good chat, took plenty of photos, had a good time all round. A typical wedding really.
