Dancing w/ a Married Chick

Here we go again with another opportunity to judge the morality of others from the comfort of your own home.

A little over a week ago I was at a local bar enjoying some brews, live music, and general silliness with a few friends. This was one of the nice, local bars, where people of all ages feel welcome to join in on the dance floor, and not some hot dance club full of horny twenty-somethings grinding their genitals up against each other’s butts.

I was sitting with my friend Ryan when he was approached by an older woman for a dance. No big deal – Ryan went out and danced with her. While they were dancing, though, the woman pointed out an attractive 30ish woman to Ryan. Now, being two twenty-something single men out at the bars on a Saturday night, we had already spotted this attractive woman long before, and noted that she was wearing a wedding ring.

Well the woman dancing with Ryan explained that the other woman was her daughter, and it was her 30th birthday. The daughter’s husband, for some reason, did not feel the need to attend the birthday celebration. She didn’t go into any deals on why he wasn’t there, or whether his absence was voluntary or not, but Ryan felt it was clear from the discusson that the mother thought he was a jackass. She had initiated the dance with my buddy to encourage him to ignore that wedding ring and ask the daughter to dance.

So, that’s when the discussion began. Ryan’s opinion was that the whole situation was creepy, and asking the married woman to dance would be wrong. I felt he should go ask her to dance. I wasn’t encouraging him to have an affair or anything - just a simple dance. I figured, hey, she’s having a crappy day, with her husband not bothering to show up for her birthday and all – maybe being asked to dance by a young, handsome fella will brighten her mood a bit. If she’s a decent person she’ll mention her husband, and Ryan can just comment that her husband’s a lucky guy and thank her for the dance. If she doesn’t mention him, well then that’s creepy, and he’s gotta try to avoid her for the rest of the night, but that’s nothing too bad. All in all, as long as it goes no further than a dance, no harm’s done, she gets a small ego boost to brighten her evening, and he earns a little karma from the bar gods.

So what would the teeming millions do? Dance, or no?

Well, speaking as a married woman … it wouldn’t bother me one bit if I was out sans hubbie, with a girlfriend or whatever, and someone asked me to dance. Hell, I love to dance! Nothing wrong with a little dancing once in a while - especially on your birthday! I don’t think my husband would mind, either, as long as I managed to behave myself.

You and your buddy sound like good guys. I hope you DID ask the Birthday Girl to dance.

I personally would’ve danced with her because I agree with you about brightening her day, I would have been easily convinced.

But I also agree with Ryan, he felt creepy about it and shouldn’t have danced with her because if he felt creepy, then, well… creepy.

So I think YOU should have danced with her since you were the one with the bright ideas about it.

wait, you’re a guy, right?

Why did he feel creepy? None of the facts you’ve presented sound creepy, in fact I admire this woman for trying to help her daughter have a good time.

Was their something in her attitude and tone that made him feel creepy?

Socially, the rule is that you can DANCE with anyone, and married people should not be seated together at dinners. Their married, not joined at the hip.

It’s just dancing. It’s not like the mother was soliciting him to have sex with her daughter. It is flattering and a nice boost to an old married lady’s ego to be asked to dance by a handsome young fella, and it would have been a very nice thing to do, to help her have a fun evening on her birthday.

I have a good friend who not only can’t dance, he seems to have sort of mental block (or 1920s style death ray) about dancing.

Well, his wife, a friend of mine from forever, loves to dance. We, the wife and I, were never an item but we did end up dancing a lot together. At clubs, parties, weddings, whatever.

Well, guy friend has actually asked me to take his wife out on the dance floor at different parties or weddings.

Though dancing can indeed be sensual, it isn’t adulterous sex.

Now, if I were to take his wife out myself to a night club, I think that would be a very questionable date in many people’s eyes. Even if the three of us were completely above board about it, the chance for rumors, gossip, or any of us three not being on exactly the same page could lead to problems.

What was the question again?

Oh yeah. dance. That’s why she was there, I think. Needed both a good night out and maybe an ego boost.

I vote “No Harm”

Once, a female friend of mine was leaving for college and her jackass boyfriend dodged her for the last week she was home, so I took her out. My girlfriend knew. Heck, she suggested it.

As for the married woman, no harm. The husband is a prick for ditching her on her birthday, and the wife probably could have used the boost.

I still don’t see what is creepy about it.

(bolding mine)

Thirty years old is an “old married lady”? :eek:

Yeesh… don’t tell my wife that. I’d hate to think what you might call forty, or even – gasp – fifty!

Anyway, I’m also of the “no harm” camp. Dancing with the birthday girl would have been fun, and as long as you both kept it clean, should be no problem with anyone.

The mother, however… I’m not too hip on moms who pimp for their kids. That part seems a little creepy, but I might not let it stop me from asking her to dance. I might just not mention that her mom put me up to it. I’m a guy, but I can imagine very few people (men or women) who would want their mother solciting dance partners for them on their thirtieth birthday.

Dancing is fine. Anyone who has ever taken a ballroom dancing lesson quickly learns that you’re expected to switch partners and dance with different people. At weddings, married women, including in many cases the new bride, are often seen dancing with men who aren’t their husbands.

Dancing at a bar or club does carry the extra complication of making it clear that you’re not trying to pick them up, but as you mentioned in your OP, this is not a huge burden. If I’d known the woman was there on her birthday without anyone to dance with, I’d have asked her to dance. (Although like Avalonian, been extremely embarassed on her behalf about her mother’s asking.)

Conclusion: you should have asked her to dance, buster.

Bad plan.

If the Hubby walks in unexpected, he’s gonna make certain assumptions about yer pal’s motives.

Morally, it’s cool. Safety-wise—N/G! :eek:

I dunno. I’ll let you know when I turn forty next year.

Old enough married man to maybe creep out this “old married lady.” I’d much rather my wife danced with some guys spooked about asking her to dance because she was married, then some guy trying to pick her up. I’m not sure how happy I would be about my wife saying yes, but then I was at my wife’s 30th.

Frankly, unless the guy was ill, or out of town on a business trip, or in an iron lung, this marriage was probably in trouble. When your in-laws “pimp” your wife, that’s just not good.

If this were my girl the guy would be doing me a big favor! I’d probably buy his beers all night as long as he kept my ol’ lady busy on the dance floor. Why? becuase I hate to dance but my girl loves it, so if she’s dancing with some one else that means I don’t have to which works out for the both of us.

Dancing with another person (who happens to be married) = fine.

Having your mother have to ask guys to ask you to dance ? Doesn’t sit well with me.

I may be wrong, but it makes me think a couple of things, most of them uncharitable. I wonder why the mother is doing that. I find that amazingly wrong, and overstepping boundaries, but maybe it isn’t viewed as overstepping in her and her mothers relationship. I wonder why her daughter can’t just ask guys to dance (making clear it is dancing only) herself. I wonder if, since the mother is telling strangers to “ignore the wedding ring” and considers her son-in-law a jackass, if perhaps the mother’s presence was the reason for the husband’s absence. It makes me wonder if perhaps the husband is unavoidably absent, though wishes he wasn’t, and this is the time MIL has a try to break up the marriage, after all why would you make it obvious to a complete stranger that you think your son-in-law is a jackass ?

All bad stuff that I would walk away from.

But just dancing (without the subtext of the mother) is not a problem.

Quote Bosda
Bad plan.

If the Hubby walks in unexpected, he’s gonna make certain assumptions about yer pal’s motives.

So what.
He didn’t want to go out.
I happen to know of a very fine looking woman whose husband gets his kicks just showing up at closing time
to take his wife home.
Its a good arrangement for them.
She is good looking a good dancer and the guys spend money on her all night. She has a good time,her ego
is boosted and just when the guys want to take it to the next step hubby shows up.
Its just one of the games people play.

Ex bartender here.

And, if Hubby has a shotgun rack in his SUV?

Quote Bosda
And, if Hubby has a shotgun rack in his SUV?

Are you kidding??? with all those anti’s :wink:

Seriously you’d probably be more in danger with a jealous boyfriend.

Another dancin’ wife chiming in.

No harm.

In fact, gentlemen, there’s really nothing wrong with talking to/dancing with a woman who has a partner already. It’s a bit insulting when you run screaming away as soon as you realize we’re not on the market. We’re still human, ya know.

Many years ago, when I was but a young sailor, I was dancing with an attractive thirtysomething in a Virginia Beach bar. The dancing led to some playful grabassing, and she started kissing my neck and nibbling me ear.

I honestly didn’t know she was married.

I didn’t find out, either, until she introduced me to her husband, who was sitting at the bar watching this whole show. They asked me if I’d like to come home with them, where he could do some more watching.

I’ll have to go along with the recommendation to bail if it feels creepy. Dancing is fine by itself, though.

BTW, no, I didn’t close that deal.

Come on, we’ve known what to say in this situation since the 1970s.

Sayeth the learned minstrels of the time…