Dang, my hand smells great!

And I haven’t any idea why.

It smells a little like abarbecued hamburger, but there are some lovely wafting undertones of garlic and dill. Having touched nothing resembling any of those three items has left me vaguely perplexed as to what might be causing the pleasant scent. I took a shower this morning and I have washed my hands twice during the day.

I have, in most instances, used both hands to touch the same items and in cases where only my tasty smelling item has touched something, I have verified the lack of odor on the object. For instance:

  1. My ink pen - I have sniffed it. Repeatedly. The pen has no scent at all. On the negative side, people are now looking at me as if I were deranged.
  2. My penis - In the going to the urinal way, not in the lecherous, masturbatory way. Not nearly as easy to smell as the ink pen, so I have now consistenly used my other hand when taking care of business. No odor has appeared on my boring, non-scratch and sniff hand.
  3. My co-worker. I shook hands with him this morning. Ah ha, thinks I. That must be it. But, upon asking him if he had eaten a burger, used any meat/garlic scented lotions, or surreptitiously sniffing his office, I can feel safe in shutting down that avenue of investigation.

At this point, I am only left with the possibility that while asleep in the middle of the night, I either grilled in a subconscious state or unwittingly rifled through various items in my fridge/pantry.

When I eat alot of garlic, my farts smell delicious. Like walking past a chinese food resturant. I’ve even been made hungry by my farts before.

Have you been sitting on your hand?

Marge Simpson laugh

Gee, your hair smells terrific, too!

Somebody had to do it, Mullybaby.

::violent shudder::

Nothing like waking up, logging on the the SD, and logging back off promptly, retching.

I have NEVER gotten hungry from eau de flatulence.

I’d like to have an independent verification of the Chinese Food Farts there, NC. I’m a little skeptical.

On the smelly hand note, let me make a confession. I AM A LOTION FREAK. In my possession I have bottles of the following scented lotion: strawberries & champagne (on desk @ work), cucumber melon (on desk @ work), Vaseline Intensive Care Waterproof (in desk @ work), vanilla (under sink @ home), ocean breeze (on dresser @ home) and cranberry with a hint of orange (on dresser @ home).

I think I need a 12 step program.

At any rate, I’m so taken by the smells of these lotions, that I find myself smelling my skin (mostly just my hands, thank you) to get a whiff of the lotion.

Sigh. And here you all thought I was normal.

Umm…wow. I can in all honesty say that this has NEVER happened to me before.

I can imagine the internal dialogue though:

ffffFFFrrRRRRrmmMMMPPP!

sniff sniff

“Mmmmm, what’s that intoxicating aroma? Suddenly I’m overwhelmed with a desire for some Rump Roast. Or maybe a nice Ass-Sandwich…”
*

shiver

–IDB

Or buttsteak. Hahaha!

(Whenever we go to a restaurant, my dad always nags us to order buttsteak and promptly cracks up just at the thought.)

Sometimes I find that my hand smells really good, but then I feel weird about smelling it because I don’t want someone to watch me and wonder why the hell I’m smelling my hand. Maybe I’m too paranoid. Probably everyone has smelled his hand at least one time or another, right?

BAND NA…! Nahh, I think this is starting to have run its course here.

Rough transcript of an exchange from a local sports talk radio station earlier this week:

Host 1: "Now, let’s turn to the upcoming NBA playoffs … what are you doing?
Host 2: “Smelling my hands. They’ve got this new soap in the bathroom. Smell this!”
Host 1: “You smell like a girl.”
Host 2: “Isn’t it amazing?”
Host 1: “Uh, I guess …”
Host 2: “It makes me want to do myself.”
(Long pause.)
Host 1: “So, the NBA playoffs are starting up …”

Once I went to a party where there was a bit of drug use going on, and this guy kept walking around saying, “My hand smells really weird. Here – smell my hand.” Like most of the other guests, I backed away from him. Then I went in the kitchen for something and washed my hands. After that my hands smelled really weird, and I just had to keep surreptiously sniffing them, trying to figure out what that weird smell was.