By this logic, you should never date any recreational drinker because they must be an alcoholic, and we all know you can’t trust alcoholics.
Either she really is just on sniff a couple of times a week for shits & giggles (and there’s plenty of people who did that for years and then got bored) or she’s using way more than that but hiding. The only person who can determine that is the OP. Stop making assumptions with no basis in fact.
OP, let’s be honest you’re not looking for advice here. You’re the only person who can tell if she’s actually just a recreational user who falls within your criteria for acceptable usage or not. Judging by the way you labelled her an addict in the title, it would appear not, but that’s your shout. But asking a bunch of people who’ve never met her or you to make that call is just silly.
1 in 3 adults in the UK have tried drugs.
1 in 20 still do.
Either you think that Britain has 2.5 million addicts walking around (excluding alcoholics) or it’s quite clear that recreational drug use is entirely possible.
If she’s smoking it or injecting it she has almost certain trouble ahead. If she’s snorting it she has possible trouble ahead.
There are millions of people who have used cocaine recreationally and didn’t have any problem with long term addiction, and millions of people who did.
A few people who were acquaintances of mine back in the day were hooked on hard drugs. None of their stories ended well. One of them was truly brilliant, gifted, and thought outside the box as well as anyone I’ve ever met.
It truly sucked going to his funeral. His family were assholes, but I didn’t go for them.
There are a million ways that this girl can hurt the OP, inside and out. Coke is a felony, an expensive addiction that has destroyed lives, and for most people its a deal-breaker.
The OP wouldn’t have posted here if it wasn’t a problem. My advice is to man-up, be honest with her, and end it now. Be Honest: tell her it was the coke.
PS- If some day she ever finds herself clean and sober and thinks about the OP, maybe that bridge hasn’t been burned.
Another red flag here is the age difference. It may be fine but the twenty somethign to the forty something male is a very common move with girls using too much coke. He is still young enough to not be disgusing to her yet old enough to feel like he is really scoring and she can play on that.
Once or twice per week? Are you sure about that? Once, twice, then soon thrice weekly…and maybe more often than that eventually. Most users underestimate their usage. It’s called denial. Someone asked how she was doing it. Pay close attention to that question. Don’t dismiss it too quickly. There’s a significant difference between a bi-weekly user who snorts it and one who smokes or decides to start shooting. For many that line is crossed with ease. And the lies that come with it, are even easier.
I didnt, read my original post again. All I asked was if dating a cocaine user (okay, maybe addict is a bit extreme) has ever worked out for other people??
Why would it be any different than dating someone who likes to have a glass or three of wine in the evenings?
I don’t know why you’re making such a big deal out this. The answer to your question is very simple. Are you okay with her recreational drug use? Yes or no? Yes: keep dating her. No: stop dating her.
What difference does it make what works or doesn’t work for other people? The answer is always going to be that: It works for some and not for others. Does that help you in any way? No.
And again… you’re DATING, not getting married and starting a family.
If that’s all you want to know, I can tell you I’ve dated rec drug users. Didn’t end up marrying any of them, but the breakups were down to standard factors, and none of them were particularly bad relationships.
Whereas the most absolutely ridiculous shitting trainwreck of a breakup I ever encountered was with a straight edge, ultra fitness freak. Worse than that, the sex had been really mediocre too.
How do you know I dont wanna marry her?? I’ve never felt this strongly about a girl.
Another issue is us going to parties together (which we havent done yet). Is she gonna do this stuff while I’m there?? And what if I wanna leave around 1am and she decides she wants to do drugs all night and stay out till 5am??
You can see how there might be a conflict here.
so far we’ve only been out on a dozen dates or so. Just movies and dinners.
I have no complaints up to now, she’s been great. I just wanna know how workable our future is
Recreational use in itself I wouldn’t mind, but I’d always have the nagging worry in the back of my mind: Is it going to get worse? If he lost his job or his brother died, would he turn to coke? Didn’t we have a thread a few months ago where someone’s sister’s former-user husband went on a binge and died? Other people can handle recreational use by their partner but it would be a dealbreaker for me.
Not very relevant, but this thread reminds me of a guy I dated in my twenties. Early on, we talked about drug use and I said I’d only smoked weed. All of a sudden he got very excited and said he wanted to turn me on to coke. WTH? It was really weird. I wouldn’t have been opposed to trying it if he’d been low-key, but it seemed so important to him. Freaked me out. I didn’t date him again.
My wife used to do way more coke than I ever did, and I did my fair share. As the years have gone by, so has our taste for it. Ppl out grow it. We both did at our own rates, but neither of us turned into crazy intervention cases.
If she decides to stay up all night and do coke with her friends then there’s a problem. Nobody can possibly tell you how workable your future is. Like the rest of us, you’ll just have to wait and find out.