Look, even people who loooooove their kids will tell you that parenting is hard work even if both parents are true partners, madly in love with each other, and in it for the long haul.
You don’t have any of those things.
I suppose you can stay friends with the child’s mother (your soon-to-be-ex) and continue to be a part of the child’s life in sort of a pseudo-uncle role. There might possibly be some satisfaction in that route for you, but there will certainly be more drama and heartbreak.
A clean break, if you have the strength for it, is probably best in the long run.
So my friend, the one who ended up breaking up, getting back together, lather-rinse-repeat… spending three hours screaming at his wife in front of his kids pre-divorce. He got married because she got pregnant. There was “no way” she could get pregnant - she was on the pill. But you see, she decided they should get married…
You know she has a fertile history. Condoms don’t have a great track record. Pre-ejaculate has been the cause of many a teenage pregnancy.
If you don’t like sex, at least do yourself the favor of stopping having it before your girlfriend decides child #2 is the only way to tie you to her. Besides, having sex with a woman who you are going to dump is disrespectful - unless she is a willing party in the booty call situation and isn’t doing it to try and “save” the relationship.
I’m the mother of three little ones (ages 4, 3, and 1) and this was my solution to the “how do you get them to STAY in the designated Time Out area” problem.
There’s a short (3-4’) bit of hallway between the back door and a bathroom in my house. I put up a baby gate, blocking it off, basically it becomes a 4’ square penalty box. At first, I put the offending kid into the “box”, set the timer (1 minute per year of age, double the timer for any escape attempts) and walk away.
Eventually, I just put the kid in the hallway and say, “If you get up, your Time Out will be double and I will go get the **BABY **gate.” They stay put. Generally speaking, it is a rare day that I actually have to go fetch the baby gate. Just the item’s name is such a turn-off - they don’t want anything to do with ANYTHING with “baby” in the title.
Both my older kids have the occasional tantrum, usually when they’re tired, hungry, or bored, or some combination thereof. The system works very well for my kids - but I must say that it doesn’t seem to work for ALL kids.
My 6 year old nephew, for instance, that shows some symptoms (although not officially diagnosed as of yet) of Asperger’s, still throws tantrums that seem to be hindered, not helped, by Time Out. One would think the more regimented, disciplined style of child rearing would work better with such a child, but it actually seems to be the softer touch that is more effective in that case.
Buy a copy of Parent In Control by Greg Bodenhamer. If you and the mom are getting serious about each other, you both need to read this book and operate from it so that the child is getting consistent messages from the two of you.
It sounds to me like the mom really, really needs to read this book and make it her bible.
I dated a girl with an out of control child. Really she was just as immature as the child sometimes. They were nice girls when they were calm, but it didn’t work out.