Munch, I have just read this thread together with my Thai wife. Her first comments are;
[ul]
[li]Is there another guy in the picture? Maybe she is carefully weighing up her options.[/li][li]Perhaps she is very shy and doesn’t know how to initiate the relationship.[/li][li]She possibly isn’t sure of American dating culture and doesn’t know how to what to expect and therefore being a little hesitant. I wasn’t aware of it but, this was an issue with my wife when I suggested to her that we start dating. She was worried about the “culture shock” of dating a foreigner. [/li][/ul]
I am leaning towards what others have suggested, find a moment with her in a private environment and just ask her.
**Perciful **roll your sleeves up, I’ll see you over in the Pit where **Green Bean **has already prepared a welcoming thread for you.
Wow - I take it as a compliment being able to pull a lurker out like that!
Not that I know of. Her friends seem to be all females, and she really does try to see me on all other days she’s not with them. (And if there were males in her group, she’d be revolted at the idea of dating them.) But that’s certainly her business, and I wouldn’t ask her about that.
That’s the plan at the moment. We had a very long/satisfying string of texts/e-mails today on the subject, but I’ll broach something more direct in person.
Okay, just reviewed this with Mrs Shibb and got her input. FWIW, she finds the situation amusing, but in a good way. She thinks that your “friend” may be waiting for you to make the move to the next level. Now, this is nothing like the next level you’re thinking. She says you can find out where you stand by asking to meet the parents or proxy relatives that live in the United States. Bear in mind that it’s not that easy to just pop over to Bangkok, but consider it a very serious commitment to even ask, even if it’s a year or more before you could go. Think of this as sort of going “all in” in poker.
Now, in my opinion, you could also do a half step on this by taking others’ advice here and discuss with her your intentions and then ask her, if she’s interested, when would be a good time for you to meet her family. It may give you a more definitive feel without the “all in” commitment.
Also, be aware of other things (this is mostly from me, but with some input from my ti rak:
She’s not even close to young, by Thai standards, so the good news is you probably don’t have any or much competition in terms of Thai guys. Just a fact of life, Thais skew much younger on what they would consider a “spinster”.
She and her family are going to want to know that you’re a good guy. It may take them years, even if you get married, to trust you. My MIL is just now starting to trust me, and we’re married 20 years in August. Her family is wealthier, more elite, doctors (mostly medical vs PhD) and engineers with good social standing, etc. So it sounds as if you may be in a similar boat. My BIL, who was a physician, was much more immediately welcomed, than I was, with my wimpy Engineering degree and no graduate degrees.
If her family has money, if you become involved, she might have an entirely different expectation of lifestyle, being taken care of, etc, than an American or European women would.
Mrs Shibb moved to the U.S. when she was ten. She has no accent and she’s more American than Thai in most ways. But she’s also got a Thai core of thoughts and beliefs that will never change. This can be good and bad. An example in our life - we’ve never had what most people would consider a real, healthy argument. If I’m mad about something, she just checks out. If I raise my voice, she lowers hers. It’s very Buddhist and can be a bit maddening when you’d just like to hash something out. Even an angry tone in a soft voice can be considered yelling. Most everything that makes her Thai you’ll have to adjust to - don’t expect her to become more American over the years.
If she has very light skin - forgot to ask what part of the country she’s from - or a very long last name then she might be ethnically Chinese, and this adds some more complexity. You’ll have to learn Thai traits and Chinese, to some extent. Almost every Thai I’ve ever met claims to be Chinese to some degree, as there can be some cachet to this (I guess), but it varies a lot in reality.
Since you mentioned that she’s “absolutely gorgeous”, and I’ve seen your picture - not to be harsh, but you look like a decent average guy but not a movie star - she may have to deal with people thinking bad things about her in some situations. This will be particularly true if she looks a lot younger than you, and may be a concern to her.
Some Thais, especially of a certain status, look down on foreigners (farangs). Some Thais, of a different status, give automatic prestige to foreigners. If you’re lucky, your friend’s family will be neutral about this, but if you do get to Thailand or meet groups of Thai friends, be prepared to be prejudged for good or bad. Of course you can change some of these preconceptions, at least the ones held about you, but the rules are usually pretty strict. You may need to be on your good behavior at all times around them.
If I think of other things I’ll add them. Not trying to be discouraging, just want to point out some things you may not otherwise take into consideration.
More sound advice from ShibbOleth. #1 may sound harsh, but it’s really not. Thais tend to be very straightforward with personal comments – “Geez, you’re getting fat!” “Geez, you’re pretty old.” – that could come across as insults in the West. But nothing is meant by it, it’s just how it is. And many Thais think they’re over the hill at age 25.
It might be worthwhile to have a representative who could meet her parents and assure them of your positive intentions, though. When you get to that point, I mean.
