Okay, so who’s first? Who wants to have sex with me? What’s a date?
We’ll even talk (briefly) afterwards!
Someone? Hello?
And it only works against the guys who can’t pick up on a girl’s hints and signals. At least if you’re dating someone regularly you know that they like you and that sex may eventually happen. But with the way things are now, you’re expected to hook up or have sex with some girl you know in friendly terms, or some random girl you just met.
Therefore all you have to go on are signals. “Does my girl friend want to hook up with me? Should I try something?”
If you do and you’re wrong you just embarrassed the hell out of yourself and probably jeopardized the friendship.
Oh, and then there’s the fun fact that, since so much of this hooking up goes on within a social circle, any girl you might be interested in has probably already “hooked up” or is currently “hooking up” with one or more of your guy friends.
Or the guy you’re hooking up with may have already schtooped your friends.
The plus of this is of course that you can then find out if he’s good in bed before you go down that road. Tiny dick? Minute man? Constantly tries to pull an “oops!” and stick it in your butt? Nothing will surprise you if you ask around. 
I really was hoping that the whole “musical beds” game was something I was just observing within the Greek community that I hang out with. I can’t really fathom how some of these guys are comfortable dating girls that they know for a fact have fucked 3 or 4 of their fraternity brothers and close friends.
Well, you could try getting involved in the BDSM scene, where NOT asking explicitly/outright would be dangerous.
In my experiences, I’ve run the gamut. My first (and, to date, only actual) relationship started off with me going off to the movies with some guy I liked (others had been invited but they said no), having dinner, going to my place, watching a movie, then kissing/cuddling all night. Usually my more formal dates have just been preludes to no-strings-attached sex.
From observing friends/acquaintances, there’s some hooking up. Most of the actual relationships seem to result from people hooking up and just…staying together for months and months afterwards.
How precisely is that any different than fucking a girl who has fucked, I don’t know, any one else? Is it that she’s supposedly easy? Is she more easy because she slept with some people within the same circle? Or is she just easy for schlepping more than you?
First of all, you put the word “easy” out there, not me. The problem I would have with it is that, if I’m with a girl hopefully there would not be much interaction with the guys she’s dated in the past (preferably none). That’s not really possible when the other guys she’s slept with are your friends and acquaintances.
Your problem (and that of other people in this thread, and for that matter every other thread where guys complain about not getting dates and not getting laid) is that you are way too intellectual and way too literal about dating advice – or at least you come off that way.
Except for a guy picking up a prostitute, there are as many ways for people to get together as there are people.
Sometimes it’s someone from your social circle that you click with. (*)
Sometimes it’s that girl you had a summer job with. (*)
Sometimes it’s a friend of a friend in town for a weekend.
Sometimes it’s a classmate.
Sometimes it’s a person you see every day in a coffee shop.
Yeah, sometimes you’re both drunk and it seems like a good idea at the time to go back to one of your places and get it on. (*)
Sometimes, you meet in a bar, and get a number, and call her up. (*)
Sometimes, it’s a neighbor. (*)
Sometimes, it’s a fuck-buddy of a buddy that invites you to go skinny dipping. (*)
Sometimes, a girl who knows your name calls you up out of the blue and asks if you want to go out. (*)
If you ever think “well, I’ll never get laid because all the women in my social circle aren’t good candidates” then you’ve already lost.
(*) all happened to me before meeting my wife.
However you think it’s supposed to happen, though. . .disabuse yourself of that notion. It’s clearly not working.
Heh; there was a Star Trek episode in which they encountered a pleasant species who had a bizarre society out of science fiction: sex usually preceded dating.
Wow, I’m only in my mid-twenties and the OP’s description seems pretty sad to me.
I asked my current boyfriend out on a date. And we went out a few times before “hooking up.” We started seeing each other more and more until we were officially in a relationship.
Most of my friends do similar things.
What sex and gender are you? Are you willing to travel (and pay your own expenses)?
You don’t think it’s precisely different to fuck a bunch of people who all know each other than dating people who don’t have a history with all your friends? Seems pretty quantifiable to me. If it doesn’t bother you, cool, but it’s not so weird that it would bother someone.
Wow, you are totally bringing this “easy” concept in where Soapbox Monkey was not, and accusing him of saying something offensive he didn’t say. I think it’s totally understandable that it would make a person uncomfortable to date someone who dated his entire social circle. It has nothing to do with promiscuity per se; I’d rather date someone who has slept with 20 people I have never met than someone who has only slept with 5 people, all my frat brothers. YMMV.
26, male, and straight. It depends what I’m getting into. If a receptive supermodel is waiting, I’ll manage to pay my way…
why do people keep saying that it’s “sad” that things have “come to this” and suchlike?
good lord, people, it’s just sex. it’s what we’re freakin’ programmed to do. whose idea was it that anyone should ever “get to know” their partners first, and why? sometimes, sex is for purely physical fun. sometimes, it’s for fun AND connection. what does it matter if people yammer at each other for awhile before they do something with their bodies? why is it “sad” if people bump bellies for awhile and then decide they actually like each other? how is it any more “sad” than being extremely physically attracted to someone, knowing they feel the same, but forcing yourself to hold back and miss out on a lot of consensual, harmless fun so you can painstakingly research whether or not they make good long-term mate material?
honestly, get over yourselves. it’s not “sad” that someone else’s mating ritual is different from yours, but it’s rather condescending of you to say so.
Nope, sorry. Best of luck to you.
I think it’s sad that something so intimate, something that - if proper precautions are not taken (or if they fail) a child can be conceived, or diseases can be contracted - has no value in our modern society. No, not “little” value, or “diminishing” value. NO value. Far too many people place no value in it and have sex without even considering the consequences or what they would do if confronted with them. Cuz hey, it’s just sex, right? Don’t be so uptight!
And it’s sad for me personally, even if it’s not sad for you. I had been holding onto some kind of hope that my first time might actually be with someone who cared a great deal for me, and not just with some girl wondering why I don’t want to sleep with her after the second date.
I actually had the opportunity to have sex once, and I turned it down. I turned down a 100% sure thing, she’s-pantiless-on-the-bed-and-ready-to-go, opportunity with a girl because she had just broken up with her boyfriend a week prior. And while I know she liked me quite a bit, I couldn’t shake the thought that she didn’t really want me, she just wanted a guy. But silly, stupid me. Not a day goes by now where I don’t regret not fucking her. And it’s because every day I realize more and more just how ridiculously futile it is to hold onto this idea of “meaningful sex” for someone in their early 20’s.
Because no one’s going to want to wait just a little longer for sex right? And a 22 year old girl just looking to “hook up” sure as hell isn’t going to have the patience for a 22 year old virgin.
So yes, I’m quite sad over the whole sexual dynamic of my generation.
Soapbox, your choice took courage and tremendous self-respect. Don’t be in a hurry to lose either of those traits; they’re hard to regain once lost.
I was taught too young to shut down my precocious intuition and to deny what I knew to be true and best for me. I can’t overstate the harm that did to me throughout my life.
The most important thing I instilled in my children was to trust, value, and listen to their gut feelings. I hope you will continue to do the same, wherever it may take you.
A lot of people failed to consider the consequences of their actions before our generation. People have gotten STIs and babies from sex for generations and generations. And people have been horny and in need of the “zipless f-ck” for years–it’s only now acceptable to talk about it.
I’m just not seeing how this is some new thing. Granted, I wasn’t actually around back then, but from what I’ve read and talking to others, it’s not there’s some idyllic past where sex was treated as a sacred thing.
This is true. Some people value sex as more than just a physical act, some don’t, and for many people, it just depends on the situation. It has ever been this way. I think **Soapbox Monkey ** is feeling like he missed the boat on this whole sex thing because he’s still a virgin at 22. He didn’t-- there are plenty of women out there who feel like he does and will love him for it. Well, maybe not plenty, but enough. They do exist. You just have to find them, and they are typically not out at clubs or getting drunk at frat parties, so it takes some doing.
Don’t give in to despair, SM. Just continue to be patient and retain your values. You will be glad you did, I promise you.
I think this is crucial. A lot of people look at it as, “Some times are more sex permissive” and “Some people don’t see sex as a big deal” but I’ve seen it vary even within individuals. One person can see sex as a really big deal (and perhaps want their first time to be as untraumatic as possible), and yet that same person may one day just want no strings attached sex. And then may go back to just wanting sex within a relationship.