THREE-YEAR UPDATE: I now have a girlfriend/partner.
There are a few curious things that happened in the interim between writing the OP and finding myself in a relationship. I actually chose to throw myself into the academic community: I joined a group who were meeting regularly to discuss research in my field, just to get myself out of my head more and yet still motivate myself in my work.
Nothing came of that in terms of socialising leading to greater dating opportunities, nor did I expect it to. But I started feeling better about myself and began to really love my work and my career.
Such things, I imagine, have a flow-on effect. I started my PhD candidature last year and I’ve been absolutely in love with my research. I also began actively building a life for myself with the assumption that I wouldn’t be meeting a romantic partner any time soon.
Meanwhile, a friend of mine, who is doing an undergrad degree in a completely different field and at a completely different university, started excitedly telling her friend and fellow student about my various escapades.
Last year I met this friend of my friend. It was anything but a set-up, but somehow we clicked anyway. And then some. We both see ourselves spending our lives together.
This thread really gave me the push I needed to commit to my academic career. If I was advising the OP (or anyone else in a similar situation, even without the disability) I’d say this: engage with your social network for sure, but what you really need to do is create a life for yourself that you’re happy with, even if it’s as a single person. And if you’re lucky, you may just find someone in your social network to share that life with; if not, at least you’ve still got a rich, fulfilling life anyway.
I just have to say, too, that a big mental shift is that while I’m happy to be in a relationship, I’m most happy of all to be in a relationship with the most wonderful woman I could ever have hoped to have met. Looking back, all past failures were actually successes, because they all eventually culminated in me meeting her.
I missed this thread first time around and when I realized I was reading a zombie I was holding my breath about the outcome. Yay! A Happy Ending! I’m so glad to hear this. Thanks so much for coming here to tell us how it all turned out. You sound like a very special person, and I think this is a lucky lady.
I read and hear in the news media in Seattle, almost on a weekly basis, about boyfriends who beat up their girlfriends, or their girlfriends children, or some such despicable act. It seems like a lot of the females out here are so desperate for male companionship that they will hook up with anybody, no matter how disreputable. It appears that the OP is way, way above that level and that maybe he should move to Seattle.
You see, folks, sometimes zombies are nice, happy, friendly chaps who only offer good cheer!
But thanks to everyone for the nice thoughts and well-wishes. Though I’m not sure about the idea of moving to Seattle to pick up domestic violence victims…
Long felt that the way to success in anything requires one to throw out any plans for success and let things happen. It rarely works, but you’ll be surprised where you end up.
Happy for ya, kid! And I’m happy for her, too.
As for dating Calculus, you can start with Democritus and Archimedes and work forward.
A big philosophy I’ve had for a while now is to embrace failure. In other words, don’t get invested in an outcome, just enjoy the experience and learn as you go. A “failure” is just a prelude to the greater adventures to come–they may not be the adventures you’re expecting, but that element of surprise is half the fun.
